01/01/2019
An oldie but goodie from Poke:
Poke, the Tan Point Great Dane
December 31, 2013 ·
My New Year's Resolutions:
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not act like I'm invisible when I'm under the kitchen table during dinner.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge or under the couch. If the toys do manage to roll under said items, I will NOT stick my head under/behind it and get it stuck.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will also not run thru the house to the furthest distance away from the back door for Mom to wipe my muddy feet.
I will not eat the cats' food... before OR after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal p**p.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not steal underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. Especially the "dental floss" that one person in the house wears.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
The bathroom trash can is not a buffet.
The baby tub, with the baby in it, is not a water bowl.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not help Mom change the baby's diaper. She has thumbs and is skilled in this task. I do not have thumbs and the baby does not appreciate a cold wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
I will not make noises like I'm going to throw up in the car.
I will not throw up in the car.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator or the washing machine or the sink.
I will not put my bone on my bed, and then try to figure out how to lay down on it and stare at you and whine, until you get up and move my bone so I can lay down.
I will not stand in front of the TV, during the SuperBowl, Walking Dead or any movie that might be on TV and stare at you.
We do not have a doorbell.
I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
The baby's stuffies are not mine. There is a difference. I can fit her's completely in my mouth and her's usually play music. A dead giveaway to Mom when she hears me walking by, singing the ABC's.
I will TRY not to slobber on the cats. Not making any promises on this one.
Don’t eat bees. They sting and make my tongue swell up and then I bark funny.
Stink bugs are appropriately named and freak Mom out when I eat them. Don't drop them on her lap and then breathe in her face.
Don’t bring live baby animals in the house hidden in my mouth.
Especially don’t bring dead animals I find in the yard, in the house. Mom said this is non-negotiable.
Don’t stand at the door and whine to go out, causing Mom to stop whatever she is doing to open the door………..and then stare at her and not go out.
Don’t go outside and turn around as soon as Mom closes the door and expect to be let in the house.
Don’t repeat the 2 steps above, more than twice, before getting told to get in my bed.
Do not drop my ….bone, wet stuffy, leftover dinner…….. ON the baby.
Guests don’t appreciate my trick of sneaking up behind them and walking between their legs, so they look like they are riding me. Don't do this....especially to Grandma.
Go for a ride in Pappy Bill’s police car and hang my head out the window while the siren is on.
Don’t take the baby’s cookie no matter if she hands it to me or not. Wait for her to drop it on the floor.
Don't nudge the baby's hand and try to get her to drop the cookie on the floor.
Don’t drool on the baby while waiting for her to drop a cookie on the floor.
Remember, Desitin is not a condiment.
Happy New Year Everyone!