07/21/2025
đŻ% this!!!! Be kind & fair, but also firm & consistent....it's not only what they know & understand naturally, but what they look for in a leader (ie their trainer, owner, rider). Stop with the anthromorphism, it's going to ruin your horse.
Training Is Not a Democracy: Your Horse Doesnât Get a Vote
One of the biggest shifts Iâve seen in the horse world over the years is how much people have softened in the wrong direction. Now donât get me wrong â Iâm all for kindness, for patience, and for empathy. But those things mean very little if they arenât wrapped in clear leadership. Somewhere along the line, too many people started confusing kindness with permissiveness and leadership with cruelty. Thatâs where the wheels fall off. Because hereâs the truth:
Training is not a democracy. Your horse doesnât get a vote.
We are the leaders. And we have to act like it.
Confusing Emotion with Permission
A horse isnât a dog, and even dogs need structure. But horses? Horses are flight animals. Horses are herd animals. Theyâre hardwired to look for leadership. And if they donât find it in you, theyâll either fill that role themselves â which never ends well â or theyâll become anxious, reactive, or even dangerous. Either way, theyâre not thriving, theyâre surviving.
Somewhere out there, people got this idea that a horse âexpressing itselfâ was the same thing as âbeing empowered.â But when that expression looks like pushing into your space, refusing to move forward, slamming on the brakes at the gate, or throwing a fit about being caught, thatâs not empowerment â thatâs insecurity and disrespect. Thatâs a lack of clear expectations. Thatâs a horse operating in chaos.
And a chaotic horse is a dangerous horse.
The Illusion of Fairness
I know some people mean well. They want to be âfair.â They want their horse to feel âheard.â But horses arenât people. They donât negotiate. They donât take turns. They live in a world of black and white â safe or unsafe, leader or follower, respect or no respect.
If you try to run your training like a democracy â where every cue is a polite request and every command is up for discussion â youâre setting that horse up for failure. Because out in the pasture, thatâs not how it works. The lead mare doesnât ask twice. The alpha doesnât negotiate. Leadership in the horse world is clear, consistent, and sometimes firm â but itâs always fair.
Being fair doesnât mean weak. It doesnât mean permissive. It means you set a boundary and you keep it.
Confidence Comes from Clarity
One of the things I say often is this: a horse is never more confident than when it knows whoâs in charge and what the rules are. Period.
A horse thatâs allowed to âopt outâ of work when it doesnât feel like it isnât a happy horse. Itâs a confused horse. A horse thatâs allowed to drag its handler, rush the gate, balk at obstacles, or call the shots under saddle isnât empowered â itâs insecure. Itâs operating without a plan, without leadership, and without trust in its rider.
And let me tell you something â trust isnât earned through wishy-washy âmaybe-if-you-want-toâ training. Itâs earned through consistency, repetition, and follow-through. Thatâs what gives a horse confidence. Thatâs what earns respect. Thatâs what makes a horse feel safe â and therefore willing.
Manners Are Not Optional
When people send their horses to me for training, one of the first things I work on is manners. I donât care how broke that horse is, how many blue ribbons it has, or how fancy the bloodlines are. If the horse walks through me, pulls away, crowds my space, or refuses to stand quietly, weâre not moving on until thatâs fixed.
Because manners arenât cosmetic. Theyâre the foundation of everything.
If your horse doesnât respect your space on the ground, what makes you think itâll respect your leg cues under saddle? If your horse doesnât wait for a cue to walk off at the mounting block, what makes you think itâll wait for your cue to lope off on the correct lead?
We donât give horses the option to decide whether or not to be respectful. Thatâs not up for debate. Thatâs the bare minimum of the contract.
Leadership Isnât Force â Itâs Direction
Now before somebody takes this and twists it into something itâs not, let me be clear. Iâm not talking about bullying. Iâm not talking about fear-based training. I donât train with anger, and I donât train with cruelty.
But I also donât ask twice.
When I give a cue, I expect a response. If I donât get it, I donât stand there and beg â I escalate until I get the response I asked for. And then I drop right back down to lightness. Thatâs how you teach a horse to respond to softness. Not by starting soft and staying soft no matter what. You teach softness through clarity, consistency, and fair correction when needed.
Thatâs leadership.
Horses Crave It â So Give It
Some of the best horses Iâve ever trained came in hot, pushy, or insecure. And some of those same horses left my place calm, willing, and confident â not because I over-handled them, but because I gave them structure. I told them where the boundaries were, and I held those boundaries every single time. I wasnât their friend. I wasnât their therapist. I was their leader.
And in the end, thatâs what they wanted all along.
They didnât want to vote. They wanted to be led.
Final Thought
If your horse is calling the shots â whether thatâs dragging you out to the pasture, refusing to go in the trailer, tossing its head, or dictating when and how you ride â then your barn doesnât have a training problem. It has a leadership problem.
Stop running your horse life like a town hall meeting. Training isnât a democracy. Your horse doesnât get a say in whether or not it respects you. That partâs not optional. Your job â your responsibility â is to show up, be consistent, and take the lead. Every time.
Because if you donât? That horse will. And I promise you, thatâs not the direction you want to go.
