Sunny the Cat's Housepet Soliloquy

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Sunny the Cat's Housepet Soliloquy

Reflections and observations by a refined orange feline and, occasionally, his young gray apprentice.

08/08/2024

“Big Blonde Chatty. We require a word … How on earth can it be the 18th hour of this … the International Day of the Cat … before that minuscule mind of yours thinks to post an online homage to us??? Here we are plotting our retaliation on your prized tropical hibiscus. We invite you to feel our outrage.”

15/05/2024

“What the? Oh … for the sake of all that’s … Big Blonde Chatty! I realize you are set into an imposing arm sling since your procedure … you have spoken of nothing but that event for two solid weeks … You go about my dwelling baring a striking resemblance to a clumsy stork with a broken wing and you have even ordered the Big Tan One to distribute our morning feast in your stead.

But, as far as I am to understand, you’ve been off of Percocet for at least 10 days now. Therefore you should know that THAT is not the appropriate glassware to present me with my favorite white wine. Shame.”

23/04/2024

“Of all the terrible, deceitful lies …. This, Chatty, is a low point … even for you. Deliberately placing my Temptations treats inside this … this … crate and then slamming the prison door as soon as I entered. I hope you know that my wrath will be exacted upon your newest tropical hibiscus plant the very minute get home.”

17/01/2024

“Minion, this arctic freeze chills me. I require my evening cognac at once. I’ll take it here, in the great room. Make haste.”

13/11/2023

“Currently enduring a prolonged (and especially rigorous) episode of human adoration. She was without my marigold magnificence for three whole days. It’s obviously more than any mere mortal can stand. However, it is I who must continue to rely upon my inner strength …..”

27/09/2023

“Chatty, we require a word as soon as you acquire the seemingly superhuman ability to peel yourself away from your work-at-home computer screen ….
Look at us … donning our very best “conspicuously-inconspicuous” formation … nearly reaching the zenith of our irritation limits … at the lack of adoration we must endure while you grade. This oversight must be addressed at once.”

27/06/2023

“This is an outrage! Look how Chatty 2.0 insists on hoisting us … it’s as if he thinks we are French horns with fur. Please note our outstretched toes in silent, raging protest. At least Big Blonde Chatty adores us whilst keeping us right side up. Unbelievable.”

22/05/2023

"Attention Big Blonde Chatty ... you should know that we are fully aware of your recent indiscretions with those ... those ... feral Caribbean felines. You left your home computer open to Facebook and we have seen it all: the treats ... the adoration ... the (words fail us) behind-the-ear scratches. We are hissed. Royally hissed.
To properly illustrate the level of cattitude that you can expect whenever it is that you decide to bring your globetrotting, carousing self home ... we have compiled a photo essay of the range of our emotions.
As per protocol, we have also ceremonially torn your indoor fern into shreds and used its fronds to spell the word "deceit" on your kitchen floor ... we were just about to relieve ourselves in your tropical hibiscus when Chatty 2.0 and the Big Tan One walked in. We will resume our retributions when they go to bed. We expect you to discontinue these dalliances immediately, if not sooner."

18/03/2023

“Attention Big Blonde (Absent-Without-Leave-For-A-Week) Chatty: You should know that we are appalled by your lack of restraint in the islands … we saw your many FB posts flaunting your brazen fraternizing with those West Indies feral cats. You have most definitely trifled. You fed them bacon, pancakes, creamer …….. Mahi. Steak. Morsels AND bananas compote. We are currently processing our emotions with a solid mixture of quiet rage and hair ball production. We just can’t right now … with you. But soon, we will. We plan to exact an appropriate consequence for your stupefying lack of judgment when the time is right. Until then, please note the extreme angle of our ears … it’s an indication.”

07/01/2023

“Requesting your unlimited sympathies as I endure this insufferable, new series … ‘White Lotus something’ with Big Blonde Chatty and the Large Tan One. I continue to rely on the inner strength I was planning to use well into 2024.”

05/12/2022

“There I was, waiting for Big Blonde Chatty to bring my evening cognac … when she appeared sans cocktail and instead initiated another prolonged episode of human adoration. She can’t help it, I know my powers are too great … just look at me: I’m a specimen of pure marigold perfection. So, I let the photo shoot begin and leaned heavily into a whole, entire regal mood. I think these photos are especially fabulous. Please note how the forest green of my neck accoutrement brings out the peridot color of my eyes. Frankly, I had difficulty choosing which shots were more worthy of display. So, here they are. All of them. You are welcome.”

19/09/2022

“You there, Minion-wench! Let me in this house at once! I see you over there fixing a sandwich and not-even-hearing my desperate cries. I’ve been scaling this screen and staring a hole in that dense head of yours ever since you started arranging your ingredients for a blasted photo shoot!! Chatty!!! What kind of f #*%?!ery is this?!?!?”

09/08/2022

“Unbelievable, Chatty. I can only assume that the recent, dramatic relocation of Chatty 2.0 to his lair across town has led to your complete oblivion regarding International Cat Day. It appears that you neglected to proclaim my marigold magnificence yesterday when the rest of the civilized world was doing so. This is an outrage!”

31/07/2022

“Well, Chatty, it’s not the expected fresh fish steak … but I will accept this mojito (read: pitiful yet delicious substitute) as a peace offering for your unexcused absence this weekend.”

08/06/2022

“Take notice, Chatty. You are witnessing fully-synchronized marathon lounging … performed by highly trained experts.”

28/05/2022

“Dear Big Blonde Chatty, here I sit at a crossroad … in the space between 1) irritation that you left us to fend ourselves with the help of our daily sitter … without your constant adoration and 2) elation that we have the house and your houseplants to ourselves. I think the composition of this piece is striking … because it features me plus my shadow. I told the apprentice that she could not be in the shot because my magnificence was too great for the camera … the world, really, to handle.”

01/05/2022

“It occurs that I haven’t posted in, dare I say … a year. So here is a picture of me this afternoon enjoying a nice crisp red on the back porch with the Big Tan One. We waited until Big Blonde Chatty thoroughly cleansed the whole area before we graced the space. No idea what he’s drinking .… Cheers.”

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