Emergency Palace Alert! The Pawparrazi secretly infiltrated the Purrsian Palace yesterday and snapped this photo of Her Majesty kissing--that's right, we said kissing!--that scoundrel, Sir Charles of Brainerd! Apparently, Her Furriness wishes us all to believe that she despises Sir Charles (aka "Sir Doofus," "Sir Brainless," etc.); however, the truth would seem to be that HRH has experienced filial imprinting and somehow actually believes him to be her mother! Thus she has honored him on Mother's Day. Oh, the repugnance of it all! Oh, the scandal that shall surely now ensue across the entire globe! Why, it's enough to make a purrson fall flat on their hiney-poo!
This concludes today's emergency palace alert. Mew may now all return to mewr humdrum human nonsense. P.S.: Ha ha ha ha ha! Somepawdy said "hiney poo!"
Palace Alert: Her Royal Majesty, Princess Foo Foo Victoria Anastasia Isabella Catherine Hobnobbery Vainglory the First, Supreme Monarch of the Kingdom of Purrsia, is on the computer engaged in serious, highly sensitive matters of state. Please do NOT disturb Her Furriness while she endeavors to keep the kingdom safe from all fur-durned squirrels and birdies. (Mice had better look out, too!)
Be it heretofore henceforth known that Her Royal Majesty, Princess Foo Foo Victoria Anastasia Isabella Catherine Hobnobbery Vainglory the First, Supreme Monarch of the Kingdom of "Purrsia," received a mouse from Santa Paws. Herewith henceforth is film footage captured by the furdurned Pawparrazi from inside the palace as Her Furriness bravely confronts this mouse for the very first time!
Her Royal Majesty, Princess Foo Foo Victoria Anastasia Isabella Catherine Hobnobbery Vainglory the First, Supreme Monarch of the Kingdom of "Purrsia," wishes mew all to know that she is a strong purrponent of the use of compooter technology within the palace and, in fact, throughout the entire kingdom. Her Furriness recommends the use of compooters to sharpen one's skills at hunting/catching no good, low down, fur-durned birdies.
See?? I told mew all that I wouldz trickz dat goofy doofus brainz into paying attention to me! :)
I wantz the world to knowz that I iz now officially a teenager. I iz 13 yearz old! What doez this mean, mew may ask? It meanz that I haz now entered into a rebellious phase, accordingz to the HPA. Howeberz, I hatez to tell her that I haz already been in a rebellious phase fur quite some time! :) What exciting, rebellious thingz iz I doingz right at this momentz on the second day obs being a full-fledged teenagerz, mew may ask? Well, I iz staring intently at dis table legz while dat doofus brainz iz watching a bunch obs silly people in hot rodz carz whizzing all aroundz in a big circle. Him sayz dis iz a race called "Nascarz." I iz much more exciting then some stoopid race. I wantz him to pay attention to ME. So, I iz going to try to confuse dat doofus by staring at dis table leg. Pretty soon, him will lookz down and wonder, "Now, why iz dat cute little fur ball staring at dat table leg?" And den him will startz looking down here to see if there iz something interesting, like a bugz or something. And dat iz when I will strikez! I will slap da fire right outta dat doofus brainz and knockz him flat on hiz big old hiney poo! Ha ha ha ha ha! I just said "hiney poo."
Palace Alert: Royal Watchers Magazine reports that Her Royal Majesty, Princess Foo Foo Victoria Isabella Anastasia Catherine Hobnobbery Vainglory the First, Supreme Monarch of the Kingdom of "Purrsia," was spotted kissing--that's right k.i.s.s.i.n.g.--Sir Charles of Brainerd (aka Sir Doofus, Sir Brainless, Sir Braindead, etc.). The Pawparrazi shot this video of the recent event; however, HRH offered the following compelling remarks concerning the validity of said video: "As mew all iz probably awarez, fureign enemies such as fur-durned birdiez, squirrelz, mousiez, bunnie rabbitz, and other critterz, iz making serious advancementz in the field obs AI. Dis video iz notz--repeatz--NOTZ Mewrz Truly. It iz the product obs advanced AI." We will allow the public to decide for themselves. Mew may all now return to mewr terribly boring human activities.
Attention lowly humans: Her Royal Majesty, Princess Foo Foo Victoria Anastasia Isabella Catherine Hobnobbery Vainglory the First, Supreme Monarch of the Kingdom of "Purrsia," is currently enjoying watching birdie videos on YouTube with the HPA (Humble Palace Assistant). Afterward, she will engage in watching mice videos and enjoy some treats. Finally, she will wind up the morning with a trip to Teepy Town. That is the most recent update on activities at the Purrsian Palace. Mew may now all return to mewr mundane human activities.
So there iz this new pretty, sparkly thingy that the HPA putz out in the main area obs the Purrsian Palace. It makez pretty lightz and twirlz all aroundz and there iz this birdie inside it that I wantz! I must haz dis birdie immediatezly! How doez I gets the birdie out obs this thingy? Santa Pawz might notz likez it if I triez to getz this birdie outz, but I doezn't care! The devil iz temptingz me and I haz to haz dis birdie!!
Did HRH Foo Foo Track Wet Paw Prints? Hmmmm.
Palace Alert: The Pawparrazi just released a video of Her Royal Majesty being grilled by the HPA (Humble Palace Assistant) over allegedly tracking wet paw prints throughout the palace. Apparently, Her Furriness was quite tight-lipped here, admitting to nothing, as she clearly resented the allegations. In a later statement to the press, Her Fluffiness commented as follows: "I iz not admittingz to the trackingz any wet paw printz anywherez; howeberz, if I wantz to trackz wet paw printz all ober the place, I will do itz because dis iz MY palace! Humph!"
Fur-durned thingyz-that-I-doezn't-exactly-knowz-what-mew-iz-flying aroundz on a wire! Getz offa my boxez!
Palace Alert: The AP reports that Her Royal Majesty, Princess Foo Foo Victoria Isabella Anastasia Catherine Hobnobbery Vainglory the First, Supreme Monarch of the Kingdom of Purrsia, received a new laptop for her royal birthday. Palace insiders tell the AP that Her Furriness is quite enamored with the new device and has been busying her royal self by watching fascinating You Tube videos; however, Her Majesty doesn't quite know how to properly work the laptop just yet. In a recent comment to Royal Watchers Magazine, Her Fluffiness explained: "I iz watching no goodz, low downz, rottenz, disgustingz mice, birdiez, and squirrelz on Catz TV so dat I canz better purrtect the Kingdomz from invaderz." As always, Her Highness is concerned with the betterment of the Kingdom rather than with her own furry self. Mew may now all return to mewr pointless human endeavors.
Haz mew efur wondered if there iz felinez in outer space? Well, wonderz no more because comez tomorrow night at 7 PM, there will definitely be some spaced-out kitty catz! :)
Her Royal Majesty now haz yet another new Costco box. It appears that this box may purrhaps be defective; however, Her Furriness, with her usual ability to remain calm and carry on, has made good use of the impurrfections nevertheless. P.S.: Her Fluffiness offers the following comment: "Dat closed captioningz should read 'Foo'--not 'foolz!' Sir Doofus Brainz did thatz, no doubtz!!"
Frogs Invade Pond on Grounds of Purrsian Palace: HRH Foo Foo Reacts
"Frogs Invade Pond on Grounds of Purrsian Palace: HRH Foo Foo Reacts"
According to the AP and Royal Watchers Magazine, a third wave of invasion occurred last night at the Purrsian Palace involving numerous small-but-annoying creatures called "frogs" who have apparently taken up residence in the royal pond. As most Purrsian citizens are aware, the palace was invaded earlier last week by a strange, red, glowing light that appeared suddenly in the main throne room. NASA has still not determined whether this light came from a UFO or a mutant firefly. The next invasion occurred only days later when a creature commonly known as a "ground hog" attempted to breach the royal backyard and actually eat the lawn. This latest act of enemy aggression comes after Her Majesty Foo Foo called upon the Purrsian military to spring into action. Sadly, the military was too involved in eating noms and going to Teepytown to pay any attention to Her Furriness' royal commands. It appears Her Fluffiness will have to fight off all enemies singlehandedly (or, eh, "pawedly").
Strange Invader Spotted on Grounds of Purrsian Palace!
Serious palace alert! Strange invader spotted on grounds of Purrsian Palace!
As if the UFO/mutant firefly incident wasn't enough, now it is being reported that an odd creature has attempted to breach Palace security and is, at this moment, wandering the grounds of the royal Palace. Her Majesty, Princess Foo Foo Victoria Isabella Anastasia Hobnobbery Vainglory the First, Supreme Monarch of the Kingdom of Purrsia, has issued the following statement: "I urge efurrypawdy to stay inside mewr homez. Dat's right. STAY INSIDEZ. Do notz comez out fur any reason. Men: Arm mewrselves and purrtect all the innocent womenz and childrenz. Dis unknown creature iz attempting to eatz the palace lawnz, and Lord only knowz what him will do next! Dis iz a high-levelz, serious situationz with international ramificiationz; howeber, I assure mew all that Purrsia will not succombz to dis blatantz invasion obs our territory under any purr-circumstancez. We shall fightz in the backyardz. We shall fightz on the patioz. We shall fightz on the front porch and we shall NEBER surrenderz. Pleeze try to remainz calmz."
Her Majesty defends the kingdom from a possible UFO!
Palace alert: A strange red light has been seen darting about erratically inside the main throne room of the Purrsian palace! It is unknown at this time whether the strange light is a UFO or some mutant form of firefly. All palace guards are now on high alert as is the entire Purrsian military; however, as usual, Her Royal Majesty has remained a bastion of cool, calm courage throughout this nerve-racking, horrific ordeal. In a statement to the press, Her Furriness assured loyal subjects: "Don'tz be alarmed. Whateber dis strange red light iz, I assure mew all that I will immediatezly and ferociously purrtect the kingdomz from all harmz. Pleeze remainz calm and stay tuned to mewr radio and telebisions fur further alertz."
Why can't the fur-durned HPA (Humble Palace Assistant) speak Purrsian???
Why can't the fur-durned HPA speak Purrsian?????
