30/11/2022
Peoples perception of how children and dogs should be together is often set in disney films and not in reality.
I often hear about people getting a dog for the kids. How wonderful dogs are with children. How the dogs can protect them, be their best friend. I See photos of children hugging dogs tightly, the dogs looking uncomfortable, giving off subtle signs of distress or glaringly obvious ones that go unnoticed.
There is often an expectation of dogs to be like cartoon characters or personalities drawn straight out of a childrens book. Sadly, a large proportion of dog bites are to children, often due to peoples lack of understanding of dog behaviour. The dog gets blamed, even though they have been asking for space for waaaay too long by that point. Society sees itself as dog experts but sadly the thousands of rehomed and euthanized dogs each year says differently.
If we flip this idea on its head a bit, would we ever think of having a child because it would benefit our dog? Where does the dogs welfare sit in these decisions?
I got my first dog when I was 4. I was very lucky. I was told very firmly to not pester her when she was eating, to never go into her bed and to never approach her when she was asleep. I was taught that her feelings matter. That she had rights. Don't get me wrong, we didn't do everything right. We used a check chain and had outdated ideas but the seed of autonomy and sentients was sown and it grew.
A combination of luck through fergie's genetics and natural temperament and mums strict rules on how to respect her meant she did end up my best friend all the way into adulthood. Children can have beautiful relationships with dogs but it should never be an expectation.
For me having a dog at a young age taught me to respect dogs and I'm very thankful for that. Hugging and playing with her was never seen as a right. I was always taught to listen to her needs too.
I see many puppies being handled by children in a way that is scary to them. Children are unpredictable, loud, and don't have the emotional filters that adults have. They can interpret a growl as a smile and often want to show their love by hugging tightly and kissing which can be overwhelming and even scary for most dogs.
Instead of getting a dog as a childs best friend, a protector and something the child loves, I believe getting a dog when you have a child should be about teaching children how to respect other animals. What it takes to care for another being, how to develop empathy and kindness towards another, and about developing good communication skills without the need for verbal language. In turn, this allows our dogs to feel safe and comfortable around children and is more likely to turn into a beautiful partnership.
Any relationship should be for the benefit of both parties. Mutual trust, understanding, and respect.
I will always be thankful for that beautiful bond I had with my childhood dog, but more than that, I'm thankful for the lessons it taught me. Not to just take love but to earn it. To empathise with others, to listen, to be patient and kind. By teaching children how to behave around dogs we can teach them so much more than just giving them a friend. You don't get given friends, you make them through respect and trust.
I hoped that this culture would have improved but it saddens me to the core to see such high expectations put onto dogs and how they should behave. Higher often than human children, who can, by a young age, have things verbally explained to them.
In my opinion children shouldn't 'have' dogs. They are not emotionally, physically or cognitively able to care for another being. They should be learning through being cared for themselves and observing what true care looks like. Yes, having a family dog can be wonderful. BUT they should be the responsibility of the adult not the child.
If you want to learn more about the subtle signs of dog communication, the signs that often go unnoticed. Or you want to understand dog behaviour better, come and join us at www.thedoggeeks.co.uk
