07/03/2022
Winter in the northern hemisphere is on its way out and spring is just around the corner. Here in temperate Washington, we had a cold spell after late February. Crocuses, primroses and cherry tree blossoms pushed their way out into the world. Since my friends in Maine and Colorado tell me they still have frigid temperatures and snow on the ground, I am legitimately getting this my winter newsletter to you.
I would like to share more with you about how everything slowed down for me this winter; how my husband and I made adjustments to our space and lives since we got kittens; and how these kittens have brought boundless joy into our home and hearts. But instead, I will be digressing.
What has shadowed my landscape in a much bigger way than expected are world events. The attack on Ukraine rocked my world deeply. Many of you may not know that I was raised Ukrainian by immigrant parents and grandparents. I have always given my loyalty to my home country the United States of America, but I have always felt myself to be bi-cultural.
One of the difficult aspects of growing up in a refugee ethnic community was the collective trauma field. The horrors unimaginable to me even today let alone as a child were many. My grandfather persecuted (by Russian KGB) for close to half his life including years in Siberian concentration camp; parents raised under a totalitarian dictatorship bent on destroying Ukrainian independence, culture and people (5 million estimated to have starved in the Holodomor); WWII. To see beloved kin processing such suffering was something that broke my heart, but seeing the blatant streak of homophobia, sexism, racism in the Ukrainian community hurt my soul. All these factors wove together, and to say that I was conflicted and overwhelmed is an understatement of which the outcome was that I couldn’t get away from it fast enough. I was too young to understand that every entity (nation, culture, community, individual) has its warts!
Although I distanced myself and repressed my Ukrainianess, I chose to nurture some aspect of my heritage - the love of Mother nature and Mother earth; the love of the nurturing land, the generous plants and the animals that grace our lives; this I learned from my grandparents. Life with a community of people sharing art, music, dance, poetry, laughter, intellectual dialogue, over sumptuous feasts continued to nourish me as I recreated such relationships in my own life. I learned of the healing power of nature and how art saves lives. And I learned perserverance.
As my grandparents, then parents, family and community members left this world, I not only found myself growing closer to my siblings but also to the cultural roots of my ancestors. In these last couple of months I reread my grandfather’s memoir (in Ukrainian) and was left deeply moved, in a way I had never been before, by the legacy he left. He was the kindest man I ever knew, devoted to being in service to the greater good. I wondered how could someone who lived through such wounding be the great human being that he was. I also wondered where for me as someone who identifies as an American, my Ukrainianess fit in. Within weeks of reopening this familiar musing, on the night of February 23, I couldn’t fall asleep. Unusual for me. I tossed and turned all night. Morning finally came and I got up only to find that Kyiv had been bombed. How could I have slept? My body blood, the very DNA knew that the land of her ancestors was at war. Again.
I did not expect that I would be as deeply upset as I was by the attack on Ukraine. I cry when I hear about the destruction and I cry when I hear about the generous support pouring in from around the world. Inspired by my deceased grandfather, who I now talk to daily, I have chosen to focus on the bigger picture: being grateful for my life, family and friends.
Yet I cannot deny the ring of blood to blood. I also hear my grandfather tell me to speak truth to power. Today I stand with Ukraine, land of my heritage and ancestry. I stand for all peoples, nations, societies, cultures who are oppressed, persecuted, attacked who fight for their lives, their human rights, freedom, sovereignty, independence. And there are many. First Peoples, African Americans, Tibetans, Syrians, Timor-Lestens. The list goes on. I know that fascism, totalitarianism, sexism, racism, LBGTQphobia, anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, animal abuse and all forms of repressed shadow exist in all humans, all peoples, all nations including this my country, the land of the free.
I stand for freedom
I stand for justice,
I stand for sovereignty
I stand for independence
I stand for human rights
I stand for kindness,
I stand for compassion
I stand for respect of all life
I stand for Love
I stand for the right to Be
Peace to all Earth’s creatures.