This Milton

18/06/2024

Once again, I was made into the bed this morning. Gram is starting to think I like it. It is a rather good feeling being completely covered up and surrounded by comfy blankets.

Also, I get to roll on the bed when I get up. Bed rolling is one of my favorite things. I think I may sleep in more often.

Don’t worry. I always get up as soon as I hear food in the kitchen.

13/06/2024

I wasn’t ready to get up when Gram did this morning. I was still under the covers, so she made me into the bed! She hasn’t done that in awhile.

Of course, I got up, crawled out from under the covers, and had a good roll. I couldn’t let the bed stay neatly made. Rolling added my own special touch.

It looks much better now.

05/06/2024

I don't care if it IS raining! It is porch sitting time!

Sadly, the people seem to be ignoring my efforts.

04/06/2024

For a change, the people did not sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” this evening on the porch. They did, however just finish a terrible rendition of “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”

Frankly I prefer Meatloaf made with hamburger.

01/06/2024

This just in: Pap has left the building. I tried to accompany him, but he stubbornly refused my help. He said something about turning off the air compressor being a one man job that requires the assistance of zero dogs.

I hope he does it right, since I won’t be there to supervise. That he thinks he forgot to turn it off to begin with does not instill much confidence.

30/05/2024

The people finished the ice cream in this container, so I washed it for them. As always, I was very thorough.
(Photo credit to Pap.)

29/05/2024

Incident report: This morning at approximately 9:45 AM, Pap’s phone rang. I heard a scary voice coming through it when he answered, so, of course I barked. It was necessary. The people should be protected from scary voices.

Gram told me to hush multiple times.

I tried. I really did, but my need to protect the people persisted, and I continued to bark. Quieter though. Because Gram told me to hush.

At approximately 9:55, Pap went downstairs to the basement. Due to the possibility that he might leave the house, I climbed up to look out the window. You know. For surveillance and protection purposes.

As of now, Pap remains in the basement.

Thus ends the incident report and subsequent investigation. Should there be further news, I will report back.

Milton out.

27/05/2024

Pap lay down on the couch and was using my bed as a makeshift pillow. Of course I jumped right up to join him.

26/05/2024

People! Gram went running and walking around in circles AGAIN this weekend. And this time SHE LEFT ME! WITH PAP! I have said it before, but she should not be allowed to do that! I have been deprived of my spot between her feet for two whole days.

She has returned to me and seems content to sit in our chair with me today. Also, she saw a couple of my Facebook friends and has relayed greetings and belly rubs from them. The extra belly rubs go a long way in obtaining my forgiveness.

If anyone needs me, I will be between Gram’s feet helping her recover from all of her circles of running and walking. She says I am the best helper for this.

22/05/2024

Thanks to Miss Sara, I looked quite spiffy as I watched and hoped for stray bits of the cheese Pap was grating to fall from above.

22/05/2024

The disadvantage to being forced to sort one’s food is that even the bits one doesn’t care to eat must be protected on cleaning day.

Gram is cleaning, so now I have to watch my food, lest that swiffer duster creature or the sweeper creature try to gobble it up when I’m not looking.

I don’t know why Gram feels the need to add such stress to my life.

20/05/2024

Why yes. I DO prefer my new food to my old food. Gram mixed them thinking that a sudden change might upset my stomach, so I was forced to take matters into my own paws.

19/05/2024

People! You will not believe the weekend I have had! It started on Wednesday. The people were packing the camper. I was very anxious wondering if I was going to the Dog Lodge, which I love, or CAMPING, which I love even more.

Turns out, I got to go camping! We went to this place called “The Fair.” It took us a big truck ride to get there. It was in this foreign land called “New Jersey.”

All weekend long, people were running and walking in circles around “The Fairgrounds.” Can you imagine? They didn’t even stop to sniff anything! They just kept going. They did stop to eat though. A lot. They even had bacon. I was a little jealous of the bacon.

Gram ran and walked for three days! I mostly stayed at the camper to keep an eye on Pap. I did talk Gram into taking me with her a few times. When I sit and shake in anticipation of going somewhere, it is hard for her to resist. I use this to my advantage when I can. I even barked at her once when she was leaving to let her know I wanted to come.

Anyway, Gram ran and walked a bunch of miles while I watched Pap. And I got to meet a few of my Facebook friends in person! I had a wonderful time.

If anyone needs me, I will be catching up on my sleep. Camping is exhausting. Epic, but exhausting.

Milton out.

Gram note: Three Days at the Fair is a multiday ultramarathon at Sussex County Fairgrounds in New Jersey.

13/05/2024

The people finished eating several minutes ago, and they still haven’t taken me to porch sit. I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed in them.

11/05/2024

I am sleeping soundly for a dog who almost gave his people heart attacks.

I sneaked outside when Gram went to put something in the camper. She never even saw me.

The people had no idea I was missing until half an hour later when Gram couldn’t figure out why I didn’t come out of my house for a bite of apple.

This triggered a whole house search. Sometimes I get trapped in the basement or the spare room without the people realizing. Sometimes I hide under the bed.

This time, I had a big adventure outside without my stupid leash. When the people realized what I had done, there was all kinds of calling and whistling and putting on of boots for searching. I really had them scared.

Just as they were beginning to panic, I came running around the side of the house like a good dog. Gram will never go outside again without checking for me.

I don’t know why the people were so upset. I was just fine. Just out getting a taste of sweet, leashless freedom. I’m guessing it will be my last for awhile.

Gram says I am under strict supervision for a long time. That’s fine with me because running free is exhausting. If anyone needs me, I will be napping.

10/05/2024

Good morning! It is Friday, and we are having popcorn. Indeed it is a most special and momentous occasion.

I don’t know what that occasion is, but far be it from me to complain when there is popcorn.

08/05/2024

Five minutes ago, I spotted a mouse on the ground. I barked and kicked my feet to alert the people. A mouse sighting was confirmed by Pap. I continued to bark loudly and kick my feet until said mouse ran behind our propane tank.

The situation has been handled appropriately. However I remain vigilant should the mouse choose to return.

Milton out.

03/05/2024

Approximately 300 feet away there is a cat! 🐈‍⬛ That is too close to home for my comfort. My vigilance has surely saved this house from being overrun by rogue cats, squirrels, and bunnies.

01/05/2024

I spent last weekend at Dogwood Dog Lodge, and I still haven’t recovered from all the excitement. I always have a great time with my friends there. I also always come home exhausted enough to sleep for a few days.

22/04/2024

There was a sunbeam in the kitchen this morning, so Gram put my bed in there so I could bask. It was a perfect sunbeam for basking.

18/04/2024

Gram had me burritoed on our chair when I heard Pap putting away leftovers. I thought he might need my supervision and assistance, so I hurried to the kitchen. I didn’t even mind that my tortilla/blanket came with me.

17/04/2024

I watched the people very closely while they ate. It is a porch sitting night-no getting around it. As soon as they were done, I prewashed their bowls and insisted they take me outside.

15/04/2024

My face when Gram told me we are having popcorn again this morning. There is something on TV with a bunch of people running. I’m not sure what is going on, but Gram is popping popcorn to watch it, so it must be important.

15/04/2024

I am practicing my camping. It is almost camping season, and I need to be ready in case the people want to take me.

12/04/2024

People! We are having popcorn! On a Friday! Who knew we could eat popcorn on a day that wasn’t Sunday?

And I got to go see Miss Sara at Sara's Bath & Biscuit L.L.C., so I am looking extra spiffy.

This is turning out to be an exceptional day.

11/04/2024

Live from the scene.. Pap is going somewhere. I don’t know where, but he doesn’t usually leave at this time. It’s very curious. I am monitoring the situation.

Milton out.

08/04/2024

The people wouldn’t let me be outside when they were looking at the sky with their fancy glasses. Gram brought me out to porch sit while the sun sets though, so I guess I can forgive them.

08/04/2024

I TOLD you that squirrels are nothing but trouble!

There's a solar eclipse happening across North America today, and in a traditional story of Oklahoma's Choctaw Nation, eclipses are caused by a hungry black squirrel nibbling away at the sun! ☀️🐿️

The story goes something like this:

One day, Funi Lusa the squirrel was hungry, so he climbed up a tree and started to eat the sun! When the women noticed the sun getting dimmer, they ran outside and yelled, banging pots and pans together to try to scare Funi Lusa away. But the little black squirrel kept chewing.

As the sky got darker, the children joined in, yelling and throwing sticks and stones into the air to try to scare the squirrel. But still, Funi Lusa kept nibbling away at the Sun, and the light continued to fade away.

Finally, the men noticed what was going on. They grabbed their rifles and started yelling and shooting into the air. Even the dogs started barking and howling at Funi Lusa. As the people's voices reached a crescendo, the noise finally scared the squirrel. Funi Lusa stopped eating the Sun, jumped off, and ran away into the woods. The Sun quickly healed itself and the full strength of its light reappeared. In celebration, the people shouted “Funi lusa osh mahlatah!” -- “The black squirrel is frightened!”

Every so often, during a solar eclipse, that naughty squirrel still gets up there and starts nibbling the sun. And the people still yell at Funi Lusa to scare him off, shouting "Funi lusa osh mahlatah!” as the sun returns.

~ THE END

04/04/2024

It has been a day. For me and for the people. They spent much of the day running a loud vacuum cleaner and mopping in the basement. I spent my day neglected and without a lap, not to mention the carrying outside and the paw wiping.

We are all happy that the rain has slowed a bit. Bone and I are just exhausted. We are all ready for bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Milton (and Bone) out.

04/04/2024

People! I have a complaint. Well, I have several, but this one is worth posting. My yard is much too wet for me to walk around in it, so Gram has been carrying me through the water to higher ground today when she's been taking me out. She puts me down so I can do my business where it's not too wet. Yes, I am spoiled. Yes, I *should* be spoiled. Also, Gram doesn't like to have to wipe my muddy feet when I come inside.

For my last trip outside today, Pap took me. And he DID NOT CARRY ME. I came in with muddy feet. I didn't mind, but apparently it is not acceptable to leave little muddy footprints all over the house. Who knew?

I had to suffer the indignity of having my paws wiped! This should be against the law! I'm not crazy about being carried around the yard, but I really HATE having my paws wiped. And I should ALWAYS be carried when it's wet outside!

I hope it stops raining soon.

Milton out.

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