13/10/2026
This is so dead on. New or newish dog owners please give it a look or if you know any new or newish dog owners, please share.
☀️🐾 GOOD MORNING, YOU IMPATIENT FU***NG POTATOES. YOUR NEW DOG IS NOT A MICROWAVE DINNER. GIVE THE DAMN THING TIME TO COOK. 🐾☕️
🚨 FIRST, A QUICK FU***NG REMINDER: We do NOT transport dogs out of state. If you want to adopt one of our dogs, your entire household, including resident dogs, must travel to North Carolina to meet them. No out-of-state trials, and dogs must be altered before leaving the state. Some dogs aren’t eligible for out-of-state adoption at all. WE’RE A RESCUE, NOT FU***NG AMAZON PRIME. 📦🖕
AND BEFORE WE GET INTO TODAY’S LESSON, I HAVE A GODDAMN COMPLAINT. 🤬🎨
CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN WHY THE F**K TOMMY HAS A PERSONAL ARTIST NOW?! This unemployed, rain-fearing couch ornament has somehow become the goddamn MONA LISA OF RESCUE DOGS while I’m over here educating the masses and can’t even get a fu***ng stick figure drawn of me?! Anyway, this incredibly talented artist Pawfect Artistry is donating a portion of the proceeds from her NEXT FIVE PORTRAITS PURCHASED to STAB Rescue, AND whoever adopts His Royal Highness gets the beautiful portrait she drew of him! Please support her because she’s doing something wonderful for our rescue. BUT TOMMY, YOU LITTLE S**T, YOU’RE STILL SINGLE, STILL UNEMPLOYED, AND STILL CRY WHEN IT RAINS. NOW SIT YOUR PORTRAIT HAVING ASS DOWN. 🖕🎨
🐾 TODAY’S LESSON: DECOMPRESSION, BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU PEOPLE THINK DOGS COME WITH A FU***NG ON/OFF SWITCH.
Goomba here. Your favorite permanently employed sanctuary as***le, unpaid director of human stupidity, and apparently the only mo********er in this establishment who understands that dogs do not come with a factory-installed adjustment button.
Today we’re discussing something called DECOMPRESSION.
And before somebody asks if that’s what happens when you let the air out of a tire, please put your phone down and go drink some coffee. You’re already exhausting me.
Now listen up, because this applies to EVERYBODY.
I don’t give a flying squirrel’s left testicle if you got your dog from a breeder, a shelter, a rescue, Craigslist, your neighbor’s cousin, or found the little s**t standing in a Walmart parking lot looking like he just lost custody of his children.
YOUR DOG MAY NEED TIME TO DECOMPRESS.
And guess what? This doesn’t just apply to new dogs.
Did you move? Change households? Have a major disruption in your routine? Bring home another animal? Turn your dog’s entire world upside down?
CONGRATULATIONS. 🎉
Your dog might need some time to adjust, too.
Because unlike you people, who can order DoorDash, scream into a pillow, and consume an entire bottle of w**e when life gets inconvenient, dogs have to figure out what the actual f**k is happening without anybody explaining it to them.
🐾 THE FIRST WEEK: WELCOME TO THE S**TSHOW.
Let’s discuss what those first several days might look like.
Your new dog might whine.
Your new dog might cry.
Your new dog might pace around like he’s waiting for a court verdict.
Your new dog might bark.
Your new dog might forget every ounce of house training he supposedly had.
Your new dog might test boundaries like a teenager who just discovered the word “no.”
And your new dog might follow you around the house like a tiny, emotionally unstable private investigator.
THIS IS WHERE I NEED YOU TO PREPARE YOURSELF TO BE A LITTLE ANNOYED.
Yes. ANNOYED.
Because I’m not going to sit here and pretend that listening to a dog whine at 2:47 in the fu***ng morning is a magical bonding experience.
Sometimes it’s frustrating.
Sometimes you’re exhausted.
Sometimes you’re standing in your kitchen wondering why you voluntarily invited a four-legged air raid siren into your home.
THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU MADE A MISTAKE.
It means your dog is adjusting, and you’re going to need to locate some patience before you both end up starring in a documentary called Two Idiots and a Nervous Breakdown.
And let’s talk about our shelter and boarding dogs for a second.
Some of these dogs have spent weeks, months, or even YEARS living in kennels.
Constant barking. Strange smells. Different handlers. Limited freedom. Unpredictable routines.
Their nervous systems may already be running on maximum fu***ng capacity.
And then somebody picks them up, puts them in a car, drives them to a strange house, introduces them to six family members, three resident dogs, a neighbor named Gina, and expects them to be perfectly adjusted by dinner.
GINA CAN FU***NG WAIT.
Your dog doesn’t need a welcome-home parade.
Your dog needs some PEACE.
🐾 THE 3-3-3 RULE: BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE NEED A TIMELINE TO UNDERSTAND PATIENCE.
The 3-3-3 rule is a general guideline for understanding how dogs may adjust to a new environment.
It’s not a magical stopwatch, and every dog is different.
📍 THE FIRST 3 DAYS: WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE HELL IS GOING ON?
Your dog may feel overwhelmed, confused, anxious, or completely shut down.
Some dogs won’t eat much.
Some will sleep excessively.
Some will pace, whine, or struggle to settle.
Some will act like perfect little angels because they’re too overwhelmed to show their actual personalities yet.
Don’t mistake silence for comfort.
Give them space. Establish a routine. Let them observe their new surroundings without expecting them to immediately become the mayor of your household.
📍 THE FIRST 3 WEEKS: OH, SO THIS IS WHERE I LIVE NOW?
Your dog may begin feeling more comfortable.
Their personality starts emerging.
They begin understanding routines.
They may become more playful, affectionate, curious, and confident.
AND YES, THIS IS ALSO WHEN SOME OF THEM START TESTING BOUNDARIES.
Because apparently your new dog has discovered that the couch exists, the kitchen contains food, and your rules are merely suggestions awaiting further investigation.
This is where consistency becomes important.
Set boundaries. Reward appropriate behavior. Maintain routines.
Don’t allow something for five days and then lose your s**t on day six because suddenly you’ve decided it’s unacceptable.
Your dog isn’t a mind reader, Rick.
📍 THE FIRST 3 MONTHS: WELL, LOOK WHO FINALLY UNPACKED THEIR EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.
By this point, many dogs have developed a stronger sense of security.
They understand the household.
They recognize routines.
They’ve started building trust and forming relationships.
But some dogs need longer.
Some need considerably longer.
And that’s perfectly fu***ng fine.
THE 3-3-3 RULE IS A GUIDELINE, NOT A DEADLINE.
Nobody is coming to repossess your dog because he hasn’t achieved emotional enlightenment by day 90.
🐾 THE FIRST TWO WEEKS: KEEP THEIR WORLD SMALL, FOR THE LOVE OF DOG.
This is one of the most important things I want you to understand.
MORE SPACE DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN MORE COMFORT.
You bring a dog into a brand-new house and immediately give him unrestricted access to 2,500 square feet, four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a staircase, and enough unfamiliar smells to send his brain into orbit.
And then you wonder why he’s pacing, having accidents, chewing things, or struggling to settle.
BECAUSE YOU JUST HANDED HIM THE KEYS TO AN ENTIRE FU***NG KINGDOM WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE WATER BOWL IS.
For roughly the first week or two, consider keeping your dog’s world relatively small.
Give them a designated area where they can rest, eat, sleep, and begin learning the household routine.
Use baby gates, closed doors, exercise pens, or other appropriate management tools.
Supervise exploration.
Gradually introduce additional rooms and freedoms as the dog becomes comfortable.
We’re not talking about locking your dog in a closet like some Victorian family secret.
We’re talking about MANAGING THEIR ENVIRONMENT SO THEY DON’T BECOME OVERWHELMED.
Keep things predictable.
Limit unnecessary visitors.
Skip the giant family gatherings.
Don’t immediately drag them to breweries, dog parks, pet stores, and every other overstimulating location within a 30-mile radius.
And PLEASE stop introducing your new dog to every living creature you know within the first 48 hours.
Your dog does not need to meet your aunt, your cousin, your mailman, and your neighbor’s emotionally unstable Chihuahua named Pickles.
Resident animal introductions should be gradual, controlled, and based on the dogs’ comfort and behavior.
PICKLES CAN WAIT, TOO.
And no, keeping their world small doesn’t mean denying them appropriate exercise, bathroom breaks, enrichment, or affection.
It means providing those things without throwing the entire goddamn universe at them all at once.
🐾 AND WHILE WE’RE HERE, LET’S TALK ABOUT CRATES.
This is actually an excellent time to begin introducing your dog to a crate if they aren’t already comfortable with one.
Make it a positive experience.
Treats. Meals. Comfortable bedding when appropriate. Short, successful introductions.
Let them build positive associations instead of just shoving them inside, slamming the door, and wondering why they sound like they’re being abducted by extraterrestrials.
We’re going to have an entire discussion about proper crate training another day because apparently that’s another subject that requires its own congressional hearing.
For now, understand that a crate can become a wonderful, safe resting space when introduced properly.
🐾 FOSTER PARENTS, GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE. THIS INCLUDES YOU.
Yes, YOU.
Decompression is not exclusive to adoption.
When you bring a foster dog into your home, you’re introducing that dog to an entirely new environment, too.
And just because it’s temporary doesn’t mean their adjustment period matters any less.
Your foster might cry.
Your foster might have accidents.
Your foster might struggle with confinement.
Your foster might not immediately get along with your resident animals.
Your foster might need time before showing you who they really are.
THIS IS WHY WE DON’T MAKE SWEEPING JUDGMENTS ABOUT A DOG’S ENTIRE PERSONALITY BASED ON THEIR FIRST 72 HOURS IN A STRANGE HOUSE.
And this is also why we encourage our fosters to communicate with us when they’re struggling instead of waiting until they’re standing in their kitchen contemplating selling everything they own and moving to a remote island.
WE CAN HELP YOU.
That’s literally part of our job.
🐾 NOW LET’S DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD IN THIS ENTIRE FU***NG POST.
PATIENCE.
Not perfection.
Not instant obedience.
Not expecting a dog to understand your household rules before they’ve even figured out which human is responsible for breakfast.
PATIENCE.
Your dog doesn’t understand that you spent $300 at PetSmart preparing for their arrival.
Your dog doesn’t understand that you bought them a personalized collar, an orthopedic bed, and seventeen squeaky toys shaped like woodland animals.
Your dog doesn’t understand that you’ve been dreaming about this moment for six months.
All your dog knows is that their entire world has changed.
And they’re trying to figure out whether this new place is safe.
Give them consistency.
Give them structure.
Give them appropriate boundaries.
Give them opportunities to rest.
Give them time to build trust.
And understand that decompression doesn’t mean ignoring serious behavioral concerns. If your dog is showing significant distress, aggression, or an inability to settle, reach out to your rescue, veterinarian, or qualified trainer for guidance.
BECAUSE PATIENCE AND PROPER MANAGEMENT GO HAND IN HAND.
And one final thing before I return to my regularly scheduled programming of judging everybody from across the room.
If you bring home a dog on Monday and you’re already complaining by Wednesday that they’re not perfectly adjusted, I need you to remember something.
YOU HAVE HAD YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO LEARN HOW TO FUNCTION IN YOUR HOUSE.
THIS DOG HAS HAD 48 FU***NG HOURS.
Give the poor bastard a minute.
Anyway, this has been your morning educational ass chewing from Goomba.
President of Mind Your Fu***ng Expectations.
Chairman of the Decompression Committee.
And a firm believer that half the problems humans have with dogs could be improved if they’d stop expecting instant perfection from an animal that doesn’t even understand what a mortgage is.
STAB THE STIGMA. EDUCATE YOURSELF. AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, GIVE YOUR DOG SOME FU***NG TIME. 🐾🖤
🤎 Goomba 🖕🐾
Saving the “Aggressive” Breeds Rescue, Inc.
🌐 www.stabrescue.com
