21/08/2022
Totoro在2022/7/28,早上9:48永遠的離開我們了。
雖然在快二年前就知道,這天終將會在不久之後到來。那時大概花了快半年的時間做心理建設,告訴自己珍惜當下他還在的每一刻才是最重要的,但真的到了此刻,還是幾乎無法承受。
Totoro的整體狀況這一年半多其實一直都在緩慢的下滑。這不是一兩週可以發現的變化,而是每過了三個月半年,一回頭看,才發現很多狀況都已經變了。
雖然知道腎衰竭走下坡是無可避免,但這段期間他每天都還是過得非常開心,當個小皮蛋,偶爾跳跳舞、唱歌鬼叫、出門玩、欺負咕嘰(?)、當家裡的小王爺給我們這些婢女(?)服侍。
他不開心的時候應該只有每天打皮下和偶爾看醫生時。
但從6月中開始,他的狀況就像是,緩坡往下走著走著,突然掉下斷崖般,拉都拉不回來。
7月後Totoro ig每個看似開心有精神的影片,其實幾乎已經是他一天當中,唯一有精神的時候。
看著拉不回來的血檢數字,大概有底這一天會不遠了,但內心深處還是一直藏著一絲希望,希望能有奇蹟出現,讓他至少能過完今年的生日,結果終究是沒等到那天。
但至少我對他唯一的願望有達成-他走的時候,我跟媽媽都在他身旁好好陪著他。
Totoro,有你陪伴的那些日子,會永遠烙印在我心裡。謝謝你,改變了我的人生。
謝謝你,陪伴我們度過這麼多開心的日子。
謝謝你,每一個純真的模樣總是溫暖我們的心。
謝謝你,在我們低潮難過時療癒了我們。
你永遠會是世界上最棒的踢踏舞小王子。
在天上要繼續開開心心的唱歌跳舞哦,我們永遠愛你。
Totoro crossed the rainbow bridge on 2022/7/28.
He've been fighting with renal disease since 2020/10, now he no longer needs to fight.
Totoro, we love you forever, no matter you're in the world or in the heaven.
I've already shed tears when I read below poetry three years ago, when I imagined the day's coming.
Now the day comes.
Lend Me A Bird
"I will lend to you for a while, a bird", God said. For you to love him while
he lives and to mourn for him when he is dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe for two or three. But will you,
till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief,
You'll always have his memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise that he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this bird to learn.
I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true.
And from the folks that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love; nor think the labor vain;
Nor hate me when I come to take my lovely bird again?
I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, thy will be done,
for all the joys this bird will bring, the risk of grief we'll run."
Will you shelter him with tenderness?
Will you love him while you may?
And for the happiness you'll know forever grateful stay?
But should I call him back much sooner than you've planned;
Please brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.
If, by your love, you've managed, my wishes to achieve,
In memory of him you've loved; be thankful; do not grieve.
Cherish every moment of your feathered charge.
He filled your home with songs of joy the time he was alive.
Let not his passing take from you those memories to enjoy.
"I will lend to you, a Bird", God said, and teach you all you have to do.
And when I call him back to heaven, you will know he loved you too.