08/06/2025
Boundaries... what boundaries do we as humans want our equines to learn from us? Believe it or not, we are training them how to be with us all the time when we are with them... this is a huge responsibility to show up and be present and aware.
HAVING NO BOUNDARIES, IS THE NUMBER 1 PROBLEM I SAW ON MY WORLD TOUR THIS YEAR.
And that is normal and natural. Boundaries are really, really hard to teach to a horse correctly. Not having boundaries doesn't make you a bad horse person. It means you have learning to do, just like all of us will have learning to do, always.
But can we talk about it plainly, please?
55 equines, 241 people on the World Tour. Sure, it is a small sample size. But how many horses did you work with this spring? This is not counting the 24 people and the approximately 70 horses they own, that work with me on a weekly basis, all year.
Everywhere I go, I see a lack of boundaries between horses and people. People standing there, horses standing there. Then the movement begins, and very rarely did I see boundaries between them and their horses. I saw a lot of other things between them and their horses. I saw a lot of listening, a lot of regard, a lot of questioning and a lot of trying. These are essential too. But boundaries? They were rare to find.
True boundaries.
True. Boundaries.
I was asked the following excellent question in New Zealand, and Dorrigo NSW, and Melbourne, and Perth, and Cave Creek Arizona, and... actually it was asked at every single event.
"So, how do you train boundaries?"
"Great question. You have been watching me teach boundaries all day."
At that point there was usually a thoughtful pause, a surprised giggle, or a look that invited me to elaborate.
"Boundaries have nothing to do with violence."
Another pause.
"Many of us, myself included, were taught something by our community, our mentors. They told us that this was called Boundaries. It involved some kind of violence. A swinging rope. A tapping stick. A surprise flag. Sometimes, these techniques escalated until there was a benign slap, a strike on the horse. Then, we were told that this was boundaries."
Another pause...
"So, when we take the violence away, but continue teaching boundaries, sometimes we are "Boundary Blind". We cannot see the boundaries being taught or practiced. Because we were sold some kind of violent technique to horses that was confused as boundaries and conflated with safety."
My analogy is like this. If someone gave me a pair of overalls, and told me that they were pants, they are not entirely wrong. Pants, are a feature of overalls. But if someone had only ever worn overalls, had never seen pants, had no mental image, memory, concept or awareness of pants, but wore and used overalls all their life, and called them pants, they would believe they were pants. Then, if I presented pants to someone, in an unfamilar fabric, and unusual color, someone would say...
"What is that?".
"Pants."
"They are not pants."
What they are saying is, your pants do not fit my concept of pants. You must be wrong.
Neither of us are wrong. It depends on context and perspective.
But in my mind, pants are pants. Overalls are overalls.
Violence can absolutely be a feature of boundaries. Yes. And when I say violence, I do not mean it has to be the type of violence where the horse now fears for their life. The type of micro-aggression that is akin to damaging trust, connection and rapport. Their flesh and bones are not harmed. But the harm is there in places you cannot see.
Sure, horses can be violent to each other in nature. How many instances of those violence are about inadequate resources. How many stressed out domestic horses are demonstrating violence to each other because they have no other option. True, well balanced, well rounded, well resourced horses never, ever harm each other physically. A swish of a tail, expressing annoyance, sure. But that is not a boundary. That is a statement of fact: "You're annoying me." A boundary says "That is a No from me."
Also, horses have 1000 pounds on us. You want to invite some form of violence into a working relationship with an animal that is bigger, stronger, faster and emotionally smarter than us? Then ride them? Good luck.
No, violence has no seat at my table.
Boundaries do.
And I am absolutely not confused on the difference between violence and boundaries. Not one bit.
And for that, I am the trainer that many people would like to silence. Violently if they got the chance to.
