30/05/2025
A long read, but one I found very relatable. Almost like they were reading my mind in parts, and some of you may also relate.
A reminder that itās ok to not always be ok, and when weāre not, there are others going through the same challenges.
Sharing stories and experiences can help ā¦ one of the positive things about our FB community š§”
Disconnecting from Your Horse, probally better described as compassion fatigue (and Why It Needs to Be Talked About)
I want to talk about something I think needs to be normalised: disconnecting from your horse to protect your own mental health. Itās something Iāve been experiencing, and I know Iām not alone.
Since around 2010, Iāve been working with horses who have come with issuesāsome physical, some emotional, many a result of what humans have asked of them. Over the years, itās felt like one thing after another. In the beginning, I was full of fire. I had this burning passion to help, to fix, to make things better for these animals.
But now? After nearly 25 years of owning horses, something in me feels broken. Empathy burnout is very real.
Iv owned 12 horses up to now, some of them had man made issues, most of them broken in some way whether that be how they were trained or a result genetics.
I lost my mare a few years ago after trying everything to bring her back from injury and the complications that followed. I spent five years trying. In the end, we couldnāt make her comfortableācouldnāt even give her a peaceful retirement. Letting her go nearly broke me.
And now, I feel like Iām heading down the same path with Finn.
Heās got a long list of issues. I try not to sugarcoat it anymore. Each time we solve one thing, something else appears. Most recently, we finished rehabbing bone fragments. Before that, it was osteoarthritis in both stifles. He came back sound, started work againānot for my pleasure, not to compete, but because he needs the work. He needs muscle to support his body, and to manage his PSSM and metabolic challenges. He simply canāt just be turned out to eat and relaxāhis body wonāt allow that.
Then came colic. I had him scoped for ulcers. And we all know the treatment: a stress-free life, turnout, forage, friendship. I do everything I can to give him that. He goes out with Moomin. He has routine, freedom, movement. But it consumes me. I give everything I haveāand itās worn me down to the bone. Iām exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, physically.
Now, with him on ulcer treatment, we face a new challenge. Heās gaining weight from even the smallest amount of grass. But keeping him off the grass stresses him out as its part of his routine now.. If I bring him in, heās away from his friend. Itās like walking a tightrope: one step to the left and I risk laminitis because he currently cant do any fast work to keep him trim, one step to the right and we canāt heal the ulcers or risk them coming back.
And the hardest part? I feel myself disconnecting. Not because I donāt care. Because I care so much. But I can feel the end coming, even if I donāt know when. This is our eighth rehab. I keep hoping, but Iām also starting to emotionally brace myself. Iām tired. Iām grieving already.
Thereās a lot of conversation online about whatās wrong in the competition world, about abuse and neglect. But there are also so many of us out here doing everything we can to help our horses live comfortable, happy lives. We pour ourselves into their care, and often, we pay the price with our own health.
And when we speak upāwhen we talk about rest, about rehabilitation, about choosing not to rideāweāre often dismissed as āpony patters,ā as if kindness is weakness and im sure many of us would like to do " more " but we cant because it makes our horses uncomfortable.
The truth is, some horses canāt be fixed. Some canāt be ridden. Some can only be micromanagedāand thatās not failure. Itās reality. And itās time we talked about that more openly. Because there are thousands of us carrying the weight of compassion, and we need to know weāre not alone.
However draining it all is i still keep trying, if there's a chance of buying us more time I take it for those times of when he is happy and sound it makes it worth it.
To be honest at this moment in life I am not enjoying horse ownership, I have been this way many times but I always pull my self back together because this is a lifestyle for me and i couldn't imagine doing anything else. I do however get joy from helping others and seeing them enjoy it, those moments make it all worth it - that what i have learnt on this journey brings purpose.
Im not a jealous person i want everyone to win whatever their goal but i often find myself thinking when will it be my turn ? Which brings such high hopes for Moomin , my youngster. Hopfully our future together can be more positive.
If your reading this and going through similar feelings, go easy on your self. Im rubbish at taking my own advice but really.. Its ok to take a break, because if we fall apart how can we care for them and if you have been on this road for a long time like me be at peace with the fact you did all you could.
Now, something i have been asking myself alot lately.. there comes a point where you must ask yourself " are you doing it for them or you " It's all very head and heart. As horse lovers we always make the right choice.
