The Ralph Site

23/08/2024

IT'S YOUR GRIEF

Losing a loved one is devastating.

And whilst the sense of loss is universally intense, it is uniquely experienced - no two people will feel the same way, just as the same person will feel different every time they experience loss.

It seems obvious to say, and yet so often society and well-meaning friends assume that we are following a predictable and understandable process of grieving. There is no 'right' way to react or feel following the loss of a much-loved pet, and it's impossible to know how you will feel in advance. Preparing for an inevitable end is no easier than experiencing a sudden loss.

People may say to you: "it's only a pet" or "but it's been ages now" as if there is an acceptable time to feel bad, and after that point, you simply have to switch off and move on.

Others may secretly wonder why you don't seem sad; how can you have moved on so quickly?

Try to remember that everybody means well, they are either trying to help you move towards happier times, or preparing for a delayed reaction. Take on board any comments that you find helpful, and simply disregard those that you don't - try not to magnify your grief with anger or sadness directed towards others. Because grief, in all its forms, is personal.

You might find it comforting to keep a photograph or a memento of your pet with you at all times.
You might find it morbid or upsetting.
Both reactions are perfectly normal and equally OK.

You might feel that you don't want your pet's ashes returning.
Or you might wish to plan a trip to a favourite beach and scatter them over the dunes where she loved to run.
Either course of action (and, of course, anything and everything else in between) is just fine.

You might find it helpful to read the experiences of others who are going through the same emotions as you. The Ralph Site public page (https://www.facebook.com/TheRalphSite/) and private Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/theralphsite/) offer non-judgemental spaces to offer advice, ask for support, or simply share memories of a wonderful companion.

There are also lots of links to useful websites and organisations offering support through the grieving process on our main site, https://www.theralphsite.com/. You might not be ready for resources such as these right now, and indeed you might not feel that you ever need them, but they are there for you if, or when, you do.

Of course, there is no website or blog that can take away the pain of loss, but there is comfort to be found in the knowledge that you are not alone, and that it's OK to feel how you are feeling.

And it will ease:

Grief never ends,
But it changes.
It’s a passage,
Not a place to stay.
The sense of loss
Must give way
If we are to value
The life that was lived.
Grief is not a sign of weakness
Nor lack of faith
It is the price of love.
(Author unknown)

21/08/2024

WHY IT'S FINE TO IGNORE THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF

When talking about grief of any kind, including pet bereavement, someone inevitably mentions ‘the five stages of grief’ – in other words, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

People mean it as a comfort but feeling that you should be grieving in a certain way can be distressing, especially if you feel like you’re doing it wrong.

With how the five stages model has been (wrongly) interpreted, you’d be forgiven for thinking that grief should follow a clear progression from one stage to the next until the bereaved eventually finds peace and acceptance by stage five.

But this is not the case. Read more at the link below:

http://theralphsiteshop.com/five-stages-of-grief/

21/08/2024

HAVE YOU BEEN STRUGGLING WITH GRIEF BRAIN FOG SINCE YOUR PET DIED?

Since your pet died or went missing, has thinking a coherent thought been like wading through treacle? Are you experiencing brain fog that manifests as memory loss, confusion or an inability to concentrate?

Do you walk into a room and forget what you’re there for, miss appointments, struggle to stay organised or feel distracted?

If so, please be reassured that, as scary as it feels, all of this is a natural response to grief and should be temporary.

Read more here:

https://theralphsiteshop.com/have-you-been-struggling-with-grief-brain-fog-since-your-pet-died/

20/08/2024

WHAT IS PET BEREAVEMENT COUNSELLING and HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU NEED IT?

Losing a beloved pet can feel like losing a part of yourself. The pain, the emptiness, the overwhelming sadness—it’s a rollercoaster of emotions that can leave you feeling lost and alone.

If you’re experiencing this rollercoaster, you may be wondering if pet bereavement counselling could help you navigate this difficult journey.

Let’s explore what pet bereavement counselling is, how to recognise if you might need it, and other ways to find comfort and healing amidst the grief.

Read the blog: https://theralphsiteshop.com/what-is-pet-bereavement-counselling-and-how-do-you-know-if-you-need-it/

20/08/2024

For many children, pet loss is their first encounter with death and bereavement. There are steps that we can take to help them.

See a brief overview at the link below and there are other resources on the main website.

http://theralphsiteshop.com/helping-children-through-pet-loss/

20/08/2024

The Ralph Site is a safe haven for those grieving the loss of a beloved pet. Our community understands the pain and never minimises it. 💔 Let's support each other through these difficult times.

🐾

Seven things not to say to grieving pet carers Leave a Reply The Ralph Site was created to offer bereaved pet carers a safe space where they could talk about their lost pet whenever and as often as needed. Our lovely community is united by the shared experience of grief, making it full of people who...

19/08/2024

Losing a pet is never easy. They may have lived a long, happy life, but the pain of saying goodbye is still there. Let's remember to offer support to those grieving by acknowledging the depth of their loss. 🐾💔

Seven things not to say to grieving pet carers Leave a Reply The Ralph Site was created to offer bereaved pet carers a safe space where they could talk about their lost pet whenever and as often as needed. Our lovely community is united by the shared experience of grief, making it full of people who...

19/08/2024

TIME DISTORTION: WHY TIME DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AFTER A PET BEREAVEMENT

One of the strange things about grief, particularly in the early hours, days or even weeks after a bereavement has happened, is that time seems to stop working in its usual, linear way.

Familiar things – including time – suddenly feel half-formed or alien. Your emotions can be so present and turbulent that it’s hard to breathe. It’s like you’re being carried by a wave, and there’s nothing to cling to, creating both a feeling of being trapped and of being rushed away from where you want to be.

Of course, time doesn’t really change. There are still the same number of seconds in a minute and the same number of hours in a day. But, despite knowing this, many bereaved people will recognise the feeling of being out(side) of time.

If you have recently lost a pet, you may be experiencing this phenomenon.

Read more here:

https://theralphsiteshop.com/time-distortion-why-time-doesnt-make-sense-after-a-pet-bereavement/

19/08/2024

“When are you going to get another one?”

Remember that each animal companion is unique and irreplaceable when comforting someone who has lost a beloved pet. Instead of asking when they will get another one, offer your heartfelt condolences and acknowledge the significance of their loss. 🐾💔

Seven things not to say to grieving pet carers Leave a Reply The Ralph Site was created to offer bereaved pet carers a safe space where they could talk about their lost pet whenever and as often as needed. Our lovely community is united by the shared experience of grief, making it full of people who...

19/08/2024

“When are you going to get another one?”

Losing a pet is a unique type of grief that not everyone may understand. It's not about replacing them but cherishing the memories and the bond you shared. Let's be more compassionate and supportive towards those grieving their furry family. 🐾

🌈

Seven things not to say to grieving pet carers Leave a Reply The Ralph Site was created to offer bereaved pet carers a safe space where they could talk about their lost pet whenever and as often as needed. Our lovely community is united by the shared experience of grief, making it full of people who...

18/08/2024

WHEN YOU FEEL YOU WAITED TOO LONG TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PET

Losing a beloved pet is an incredibly difficult experience, whatever the circumstances, but how do you come to terms with the belief that you waited too long to say goodbye?

People often talk about their worries around euthanasia, but it’s generally in the context of wondering if it’s the right thing to do or whether they’ll make the decision too soon. A common saying, “Better a week too early than a day too late”, provides reassurance about this.

But what about those of us who feel we were too late – be it a minute, an hour, a day, a week or longer? How do we come to terms with our feelings of guilt and regret? How do we move forward when we believe that our loved one suffered because we didn’t act soon enough?

https://theralphsiteshop.com/when-you-feel-you-waited-too-long-to-say-goodbye-to-your-pet/

18/08/2024

“Let me know what I can do.”

Let's remember to offer practical support to grieving pet carers. 💔 Instead of trying to minimise their grief, a simple gesture like offering to help with meals or errands can make a big difference. 🐾 Let's show empathy and understanding during this difficult time.

🌈

Seven things not to say to grieving pet carers Leave a Reply The Ralph Site was created to offer bereaved pet carers a safe space where they could talk about their lost pet whenever and as often as needed. Our lovely community is united by the shared experience of grief, making it full of people who...

18/08/2024

“It’s not like losing a child/parent/sibling/friend*” (*insert as applicable)

Losing a pet is not easy. Research shows the pain can be just as deep, even more so, than after losing a human loved one.

Let's offer support to those grieving by acknowledging their sadness and loss. Remember, time doesn't diminish our love for our furry friends. 🐾

Seven things not to say to grieving pet carers Leave a Reply The Ralph Site was created to offer bereaved pet carers a safe space where they could talk about their lost pet whenever and as often as needed. Our lovely community is united by the shared experience of grief, making it full of people who...

18/08/2024

“Are you really going to spend money on a cremation/memorial/casket?”

Times have changed when it comes to saying goodbye to our beloved animal companions. More and more people choose pet cremation and keep their ashes in a beautiful urn. It's a way to honour them and have a lasting memory. Let's show support for grieving pet carers by acknowledging the importance of this rite. 🐾💔

Seven things not to say to grieving pet carers Leave a Reply The Ralph Site was created to offer bereaved pet carers a safe space where they could talk about their lost pet whenever and as often as needed. Our lovely community is united by the shared experience of grief, making it full of people who...

18/08/2024

FEELING HAPPINESS DURING GRIEF (and then feeling bad about feeling good)

“I feel so guilty for feeling happiness during grief.”

Most of us experience this thought at some point after pet loss or, indeed, any bereavement. You may be struggling with it yourself.

Read more here:

http://theralphsiteshop.com/feeling-happiness-during-grief-and-then-feeling-bad-about-feeling-good/

17/08/2024

A FRIENDLY EAR IS NEVER FAR AWAY

In all the years of running The Ralph Site the thing I hear most often from grieving pet carers is that support from like-minded individuals who understand their heartache is the most helpful thing for them.

This support can come in different forms (face-to-face, online, phone calls, emails, etc.) and from different sources: personal contacts, communities like The Ralph Site, and dedicated pet bereavement support services such as those described in the post below (there are others of course).

You are not alone in your grief and please do let others who may need some help at the moment know what is available.

http://theralphsiteshop.com/pet-loss-support-help/

16/08/2024

AUG 16TH. Today we especially remember:
Karen, Dave, Jack, Callum and Brett's Harlow who passed away in 2022 aged 1:
"To my beautiful Harlow you were taken to soon from us, we all miss and love you so much. Life is hard without you in it."

To my beauitful Harlow you were taking to soon from us we all miss and love you so much.life is hard without you in it

16/08/2024

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER by Debbie McLeod
A book about practical steps and wisdom to ease pet loss

In Best Friends Forever, Debbie McLeod weaves together her own reflections on pet loss with real-life stories and poems collected from bereaved pet carers. The book is a powerful, practical guide that combines compassionate thoughts of loss with easy-to-grasp concepts aimed to help you process your grief and move through feelings that you might be struggling to express.

Read our review here:

Best Friends Forever: A book about practical steps and wisdom to ease pet loss Leave a Reply In Best Friends Forever, Debbie McLeod weaves together her own reflections on pet loss with real-life stories and poems collected from bereaved pet carers. The book is a powerful, practical guide that combin...

14/08/2024

RETIRING YOUR ASSISTANCE DOG

More than 7,000 assistance dogs are hard at work every single day in the UK. These amazing dogs have been specially chosen and trained to offer emotional and/or physical support and independence to their handlers.

This might mean acting as a person’s eyes or ears, helping with practical tasks at home, detecting seizures before they happen, calming someone who has panic attacks or providing many other life-changing services.

If you have an assistance dog or emotional support animal at home, you’ll know better than anyone what a positive impact they have had on your life.

Sadly though, all good things must come to an end, even the most beautiful of partnerships.

Read more below:

http://theralphsiteshop.com/retiring-your-assistance-dog/

14/08/2024

COPING WITH ANNIVERSARIES and SPECIAL DAYS WHEN A PET DIES

There will always be difficult days when you’re mourning the loss of your beloved pet. Most people agree that coping with anniversaries and special days can be particularly tough.

Your pet’s birthday, Christmas, the anniversary of when you got them or when they passed away all tend to be challenging.

Read on:

http://theralphsiteshop.com/pet-loss-anniversaries-and-special-days/

13/08/2024

HOW LONG WILL I FEEL LIKE THIS?

This is a question we hear often after pet loss, isn't it?

Some thoughts:

http://theralphsiteshop.com/how-long-will-i-feel-like-this/

13/08/2024

"WHO AM I?" LOSS OF IDENTITY AFTER PET BEREAVEMENT

To a certain extent, we all expect to experience grief when a beloved pet dies. It’s part of the deal, isn’t it? That our happy times together will eventually come to an end, resulting in a time of great sadness.

What many of us don’t expect is the loss of identity that can occur after a pet bereavement.

If you find yourself asking, “Who am I without my pet?” you’re not alone. Loss of identity is a surprisingly common response to a bereavement, a secondary loss can be deeply upsetting.

Read more:

https://theralphsiteshop.com/who-am-i-now-loss-of-identity-after-pet-bereavement/

12/08/2024

MOVING FORWARD, NOT MOVING ON

“Moving forward” or “moving on”. They sound like such similar phrases, don’t they? But in the context of grief the difference between “on” or “forward” is huge.

When you’re grieving for a precious pet – or indeed a person who you love – people will often say things like, “Isn’t it time you moved on?” or “You’ll move on eventually” or even, “I’m glad to see you’ve moved on”.

But the idea of moving on from a loved one can be incredibly distressing.

Moving on implies leaving something behind. It suggests that the animal, for example, was a moment or place that you can put behind you when, in fact, he or she was a member of your family and you’ll never get over that loss – not in the way that moving on implies, anyway.

Read more: http://theralphsiteshop.com/moving-forward-not-moving-on/

11/08/2024

VIDEO GAMES THAT CAN HELP YOU COPE WITH PET LOSS GRIEF

Do you enjoy playing video games? Do you find they’re a fun way to connect with your friends or use your imagination? Perhaps playing a video game helps you escape from the real world for a while?

More people of all ages are turning to video games as a safe space to process difficult experiences such as bereavement.

From our research, there are even some video games that can help you cope with pet loss grief.

We’ve put together a list of popular titles for you. Have you played any of these games?

http://theralphsiteshop.com/video-games-that-can-help-you-cope-with-pet-loss-grief/

11/08/2024

THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES OF PET LOSS GRIEF

Pet loss grief is a type of disenfranchised grief, which is something we’ve talked about in previous blogs on The Ralph Site. This means that your relationship with your pet – or, certainly, your feelings about that relationship – isn’t always recognised by others, especially in wider society.

Pet loss grief falls in the same category as the grief caused by a miscarriage or the death of an ex-spouse, as just a few examples.

It can be incredibly hard to freely acknowledge disenfranchised grief. In this blog, we wanted to take a look at some of the factors that affect pet loss grief and what we can do to create better understanding and support.

http://theralphsiteshop.com/unique-challenges-of-pet-loss-grief/

10/08/2024

DEALING WITH FLASHBACKS AFTER THE DEATH OF YOUR PET

The sudden and unexpected death of a pet can be devastating, especially if it happens in traumatic circumstances.

Sadly, it’s not uncommon to hear through The Ralph Site Facebook group about precious pets that have died as a result of being hit by a car or attacked by another animal.

In such circumstances, some pet carers find that they experience flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares and other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) for a long time after the loss of their companion.

It can be debilitating, frightening and lonely, especially if people around you don’t understand the extent of your anguish about the death of your pet.

Do know that flashbacks can be managed with time and support.

Read more about why flashbacks happen and how to overcome them:

http://theralphsiteshop.com/pet-loss-flashbacks/

09/08/2024

PET LOSS GRIEF: WE ALL NEED SOMEONE TO LEAN ON

Those of us who have shared even a small part of our lives with a much-loved animal friend will carry the experience with us forever. And yet just as we find joy in the memories of happy times shared together, the pain of saying goodbye and the gaping hole left behind are also indelibly stamped on our hearts.

Sometimes the visceral pull of grief feels almost too much to bear. And whilst there is no magic button to press to make everything feel better, each of us is stronger than we know. Endurance and fortitude are uniquely human traits, helping us overcome the pain and sorrow whilst always retaining the sense of loss that reminds us of the depth of connection we enjoyed with our lost friend.

At times like these it is always helpful to speak with someone who really understands what you are going through, who has a small sense of what you’re feeling.

Read more and find USEFUL LINKS here: http://theralphsiteshop.com/pet-loss-grief-support-2/

Don’t think I do not feel;
because you see no tears.
A river rages deep inside
of grief, and loss, and fears.
Just because I do not cry now,
don’t think my heart’s not broken.
I keep inside the misery
of words not to be spoken.
Sometimes I smile, or crack a joke,
so you won’t see the pain;
or notice how my hands will shake,
or how I’ve gone insane.
Each time I chance to think of her,
my heart is ripped asunder.
The loss I feel is mine alone.
You will not see my thunder.
~attributed to Brenda Penepent

07/08/2024

REHOMING A PET: HOW TO COPE WITH THE GRIEF

If you’ve given up a pet for rehoming, it may have been one of the hardest decisions of your life. It’s likely that you deeply loved and cherished your pet but you came to the decision that your family wasn’t the right one for them to really thrive.

As much as we would all like to make a life-long commitment to our pets, the reality is that this isn’t always possible.

Behavioural issues, a change in circumstances, poor health (yours or your pet’s), clashes within the family, work and family commitments, financial struggles – these can all feed into the decision to rehome.

Having said goodbye to your pet, perhaps to a rescue centre or foster home, you may find that you are experiencing grief that’s as strong as if your pet had died.

However, you may feel that you don’t have a right to grieve because you voluntarily surrendered your pet for rehoming or that other people don’t understand your loss.

It can be incredibly hard to talk about this and we want you to know that you’re not alone.

Read more:

https://theralphsiteshop.com/rehoming-a-pet-how-to-cope-with-the-grief/

07/08/2024

ANIMAL COMPANIONS ARE GOOD FOR OUR HEALTH!

Living with animal companions is quite clearly good for our health - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Read more here:

http://theralphsiteshop.com/pets-good-for-health/

06/08/2024

CHOOSING A PET MEMORIAL

There are many different ways in which you can memorialise your departed non-human family member. Examples include:

- Online memorials
- Dedicating a tree
- Statues and plaques
- Jewellery and keepsakes

Read more about these and other options here:

Choosing a pet memorial Leave a Reply It’s only natural for humans to yearn to provide a physical shape for the emotions we feel after losing a faithful friend and companion. Generations of children have made grave markers for their beloved pets, helping them to come to terms in some small way wit...