09/05/2026
Six months since the greatest tragedy of my life and the loss of Zephyr, Noque, Fahren, Maez. A event that never should have happened and a loss so immense that it has permanently destroyed me. I now live in a dual-existence, separating life into "before" and "after" while also being split between appearing to be functioning in the world and the internal quiet agony of loss experienced in every waking moment. I live two lives simultaneously. Part of me died and went with the dogs I lost and part of me remains taking care of the dogs I still have. To know what it is like to smile but to no longer feel joy or happiness to still only be consumed by the feelings of loss, sadness, guilt and disappointment is something else.
There is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t give to have them back, every day since, my house, my truck, my job, my legs, my arms, my eyes. I would give my life to even be given the chance to go back and say goodbye. Life goes on and every day I get a little closer to them and further away from the event that haunts me.
My remaining dogs and I moved home but until my house can be bulldozed and rebuilt to code they will never be left on the property unattended again. So where I go they go or we don’t go.