12/08/2024
Mine frend is gone We wills miss you, Brick. Love to yous family
"I like the stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend...I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don't last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust. But I can pretend...” ~ Destruction in
The Sandman, Vol. 7: Brief Lives by Neil Gaiman
It's been about a month now. I haven't been able to post it. Brick Omelas is gone. I was right there when it started. Between time at work and with Mom, I consider it a gift to have been within arm's length.
Sleeping just a few feet from me, he awoke with a cough. I had eyes on him immediately. He started to sit up a bit and it looked as if he was choking. I quickly picked him up and did a scoop of the mouth and top of throat. By that time, he was gasping for air. There was nothing in his mouth/throat, but I could tell by the tightness at the top of the throat, he was not getting air -- or not much. I ran into 'his room' since the other dogs were freaking out a bit. As soon as we were in there lying on the floor, he released his bowels and bladder a little.
Honestly, I thought he was gone then. But he didn't go limp, and he was breathing. Shallowly, but breathing. I rushed him to the vet. The doc listened. His heart was barely beating. His blood pressure, of course, was very, very low. He was still awake and breathing. He was docile and unconcerned - which I'm very thankful for. But I knew this was the end. Even if by some miracle he was able to get his bp and heartrate back up, the oxygen deprivation alone would drastically change his life.
So, I let him go. But I was there. I was there the moment he awoke with a cough. And I didn't let go of him until... well, until.
"Holding on for dear life and letting go for the same." ~ Me
It's something I always say. I have since my Bronson those many years ago.
I didn't do a necropsy. While I am not 100% sure, between sudden onset cardiac event, an unknown tumour rupture... events such as these, I didn't need to know exactly.
All I know is I was there. Knowing the number of hours in the day I wouldn't have been ...well, that's quite a few when you think about. But I was there and I was holding him just after the first cough.
