Enlightened Horsemanship

29/08/2024

The equestrian community is obsessed with the designation of horses as prey animals. Obsessed.

This is an especially common teaching theme in therapy settings as well as beginner lesson environments and natural horsemanship-based programs.

I’m speaking from experience here.

With that as a focal point, teaching revolves around a dominance theory mindset where people are set up as the “leader“ that needs to direct the horse in such a way that the horse has “confidence“ through submission.

Tell the horse what to do — he’ll feel better. Be the boss. You’re the alpha and he needs you to make him submissive to you — that’s what makes sense to him.

Really? 🧐🧐🧐

Yes, horses are prey animals. What’s really relevant about that is that they have a nervous system - like us - that is inclined to choose flight when under threat.

But being a prey animal is only one piece of what makes them a horse. They are also:

⭐️ intelligent
⭐️ sensitive
⭐️ socially intuitive
⭐️ connection seeking
⭐️ herd-driven animals.

What if, instead of choosing a storyline about dominance that results in unhealthy and even abusive power dynamics, we choose instead to focus on collaboration and relationship.

Horses don’t need someone to dominate them, control them, override them.

Like us, horses need community to feel safe and thrive.

Like us, horses need meaningful relationship with those they are close to.

Like us, horses need safety and understanding in the context of the relationship for advanced partnership and teamwork.

It’s time we see horses fully, even if that means letting go of what we think we know and what we are comfortable doing with them. Fixation on alpha leadership has been taken to extremes in every corner of the industry… causing harm, not only to the horses but also to the people in that learning environment.

That’s right - dominance theory and alpha-based training is damaging to the PERSON too.

What would change if we saw horses fully and taught from a place of appreciation for their true nature?

25/08/2024

I don’t meet many animal lovers who like being jerks to animals.

Most equestrians I meet, are like me - we love our animals, we want them to be happy and healthy, and we don’t want to use force to accomplish whatever it is we are doing with them.

To be clear, when I say force, I mean fear, pain, threats, discomfort, and/or brute strength to get what we want.

Even with evidence of force everywhere I look, I truly believe most equestrians would rather not use it. Yet I see it everywhere I look.

So, where’s the disconnect?

The thing is, it’s not enough to remove force. That’s just the first step.

In the absence of force, we have to fill the gap.

With knowledge.
With patience.
With understanding.
With curiosity.
With grace.
With discipline.
With planning.
With skill.

Creating safe and positive interactions with animals takes effort.

YES, let’s all make that commitment to removing force from our relationships with our animals.

But then? It’s time to get to work. It’s on US to develop the skills and awareness and competency to have the relationships we want.

So whether it’s teaching a horse to stand still, a puppy to walk on a lead or not jump on us, a herd to move between pastures, or any other desired behaviors and experiences we seek to reinforce, the decision to remove force is just the starting point.

17/08/2024

We took our lesson on the road today 👟👟🐎🐎

The horses were curious, engaging, and forward moving - clearly enjoying the change of scenery.

As handlers, we were able to sharpen our skills especially in terms of awareness, focus, and noticing the first sign the horse’s attention is being drawn away and her feet may follow. Not to mention getting a little cardio in as we did walk/trot sets up and down the road.

So fun to explore new ways to advance skills and expand our horse’s comfort zone ❤️

17/08/2024

Much of my time as a coach and trainer is spent helping horses and humans establish a comfort zone. A place where they feel safe, seen, understood, and in control of their own wellbeing.

You’d be surprised how much goes into getting there — how many layers of tension and disbelief and discomfort can be peeled away in the process.

When it’s there, the most lovely offerings occur. Quiet learning and genuine connection is the norm.

Let’s normalize true safety as the starting point of our learning journeys, and trust the learner to be the expert of their own experience.

16/08/2024

Can we ride and not cause harm to our horses?

Can horses actually benefit from riding?

What would it look and feel like for my horse to genuinely enjoy riding activities?

These are some of the questions I am exploring with my own horses and in my personal education.

I don’t yet know the answers, but I have mentors and role models that help guide the way.

I don’t yet know the answers, but I trust my horse to tell me, and I commit to honoring her feedback.

I don’t yet know the answers, but I’m really enjoying the conversation ❤️

13/08/2024

I caught myself the other day.

Tbh, I’ve caught myself in this mindset a few times recently.

I’m out in the field, either doing chores or finishing up feed or getting ready for a class or training… and one of the horses approaches me. It’s soft and open and really genuine. An honest - oh hey, there’s mom. A visit would be nice.

And here’s where I catch myself - after the first thought of “ahh, how lovely”, my immediately following thought is “oh good, I wanted x.”

Oh good, I wanted to put your fly mask on.

Oh good, it’s about time to bring you up for class.

Oh good, I was hoping to squeeze a training in with you.

Oh good, I want I want I want…

Now none of these things are inherently bad things to want.

But imagine that from the horse’s perspective.

Every time she initiates an experience together, I immediately want something from her.

Every time she says hello, I have an agenda.

No wonder a primary problem horse people have with their horses is being able to catch them.

So now, I’m catching myself in those moments, acknowledging the opportunity my horse has presented to simply connect, and breathing deeply. Being still. Allowing her to guide the interaction.

My horses are teaching me to be with them.

Without demand or agenda or purpose beyond presence.

It’s the most lovely invitation into what feels like a lost art, a forgotten place in time.

10/08/2024

Some final thoughts (for now) on the topic of consent. Is it ever a good thing that our horse tells us NO?

I think so, but it’s all in how we respond.

09/08/2024

A follow up to yesterday’s video on consent in training, and some tips for helping our horses be more comfortable saying YES to us.

08/08/2024

Consent in horse training is a hot topic these days… but are we thinking about it all wrong? Here’s some musings I had on the topic during my morning horse walk.

https://youtu.be/_HkYGhTNs_w?si=FlVIr306sfRb8yPP

More and more there's an understanding of the need for consent in our horse training. But what does that mean? What does success look like? And how do we get...

06/08/2024

Yes!

The world needs more peace makers and less winners
The world needs more curiosity and less arrogant proclamations of knowledge
The world needs more space for questions and less opinions
The world needs more gentle people who’s feet are rooted firmly in the ground, and less confrontation

I know no better example of this than a horse and a child

05/08/2024

I recently had the heartwarming opportunity to reconnect with dear friends, friends who have known me since childhood.

At one point in the evening, we laughed about the accuracy ( or lack of) of the career attitude test we took in seventh grade. (I was predicted to be a farmer, which incidentally is not so far off course.)

My dear friend commented that, of those we grew up with, I was the only one doing exactly what I said I wanted to do way back when we were kids. And she’s right.

It’s easy to get lost in the hard work and the struggles and forget that this is it. This is what I hoped for and dreamed of. Every day I am immersed in nature, surrounded by the beautiful animals that I love and I have the opportunity to share them with others.

I cant imagine a different life ❤️🐴❤️

Pic of my beloved Katie, my soul horse who taught me so much, made travels across that country with me as a young and then less young adult, and took a piece of my heart when she left.

22/07/2024

A different way of doing things

“De-Sensitization” is a common training approach in all corners of the horse world.

On the surface, it makes sense - we don’t want our horses to be fearful or reactive, right? We want them to be steady and confident. Makes sense.

But this reasonable goal is compromised by the unfortunate way 99% of horse people and trainers get there.

The horse is exposed to something concerning, and then told ad nauseam “don’t react. Don’t respond. Be still.”

The offending area of concern is kept up until the horse eventually holds her breath, retreats inside, freezes, and shuts down.

This is a very familiar function of the nervous system, well recognized in people who have experienced trauma as how the body and mind survive extreme stress.

Is it really necessary to put our horses through that so they can be steady and confident?

Thankfully, no.

While much of the horse world is endeavoring to create horses that are quiet and still through over-exposure and overload, there’s a growing body of equestrians giving horses a different experience.

The message - “What do you think about this? Tell me how you feel. I won’t ask too much. Together, we can work through this.”

This isn’t just a better deal for the horse; I feel the difference in those messages deep in myself.

I don’t want to use force; I don’t want to succeed at all costs. Especially not at my horse’s cost. I don’t want to carry that in my body, anymore than I want my horse to carry it in hers.

As in all things, we have a choice in how we develop and interact with our horses. I choose sensitivity. I choose responsiveness. I choose collaboration and connection. I choose to love and honor my horse above any interest or desire I have for our experience together.

15/07/2024

Yes! This is true for all beings.

Good intentions accompanied by appropriate behaviors are great.

But good intentions can also be very disruptive, as one party thinks they are in the right while actually causing harm, or at a minimum not creating the positive impact they think they are creating.

Horses, children, dogs, humans, mammals, beings… all have a right to their own experiences. And we aren’t entitled to understanding them, or changing them.

Knowing ourselves - our thoughts, feelings, behaviors - and trusting others to know themselves are critical aspects of building connection.

13/07/2024

It was a rough week here in the aftermath of hurricane Beryl, with no power and virtually no sleep for days on end.

Enter retail therapy as a horse mom - a quick trip to the tack shop was in order.

Bella loves her new halter and Lady thinks she must have one as well.

Thanks laurassaddlery for brightening our day.

(Also, rescue pup Gertrude came along for the ride and loved being fussed over by the lovely staff.)

10/07/2024

By 6pm yesterday afternoon Hurricane Beryl had passed directly over us and blue skies returned. Woo! We are grateful to have no significant damage, safe and happy ponies, and clear weather in the days ahead.

Still no power or internet, and if the AC is out much longer we may join the horses in the newly replenished watering hole 🤣

27/06/2024

This is where it’s at folks 🤩🤩🤩

More and more people are recognizing that horsemanship as we’ve known it has done little for the horses we love.

Recognizing the problem is important, but what’s paramount is having a solution.

A community of people all committed to having thriving partnerships with their horses.

For horses who are safe and understood in a way that opens the door to emotional balance and wellbeing.

For an expanding and inclusive team that walks the talk, showing the way with studious dedication, discernment, humility, and empathy.

This is where our horses want to meet us. This is where we may find ourselves again, in our horsemanship.
This is where you’ll find me.

Are you worried that the horse you’re riding, might not like it very much?

Do you have a concern that you don’t listen to your horse as much as you’d like to?

Does the concept of “communication” with your horse in riding feel foreign, because everyone keeps telling you how dangerous/stupid/lazy your horse is?

Are you stepping away from competing your horse but have nowhere else to go, no goals?

Losing your riding mojo, but afraid to tell the person to your left and right?

If this is you, let me know. A comment, a like, an email. Let us know. We got you. A whole safety network. Let us know. We want to help you. Show you some solutions. Help you meet like minded folks.

Contact us at [email protected]

24/06/2024

“That horse is stubborn.”

Heard it countless times.

But what is really going on?

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That “stubborn” horse is a horse who is:

✔️ shut down
✔️ in a freeze or collapse state
✔️ de-sensitized to light requests
✔️ in pain
✔️ not understanding the request
✔️ unable to respond as desired to the request (insert 5960373611019586 possible reasons why here)
✔️ getting mixed signals (from - ahem - you)
✔️ afraid
✔️ thinking
✔️ trying to keep you (and them) safe
✔️ maybe just plain tired of being demanded of and having something taken from them day after day after day
✔️unmotivated because responding means they are just asked to give more and more. There’s no relief.

More than likely, that “stubborn” or “lazy” horse has a combination of the above contributors.

Now tell me - which one of these justifies kicking, kicking harder, engaging spurs, hitting, jerking, etc etc??

Seriously, someone please tell me.

By nature, horses are cooperative animals. It’s biologically prudent for them to get along with others - their very wellbeing depends on it.

That horse you say is stubborn? It is STRUGGLING. It is trying to survive, or perhaps just plain defeated.

🔸 It is NOT a test of your determination to get your way.
🔸 It is NOT a practice of standing up for yourself by being physically violent to another.
🔸 It is NOT an excuse to exorcise your frustration through force.

It may very well be an invitation for your compassion and humanity to shine. To pause, take a step back, and consider all the factors. To recognize that we are not entitled to any response from our horses - or anyone else - and the only thing we truly “control” is ourselves.

21/06/2024

It takes two to tango

Let’s face it - relationships are hard. This pursuit of meaningful connection and even trusting partnership with horses requires us to take a deep look inside, and be willing to regularly not only take inventory but also commit to changes personally.

Because tbh - whatever problem you are having with your horse or change you want to create, it only matters because you are there, wanting something with them, from them.

Your horse isn’t pushing on you if you’re not there, wanting to be close. They aren’t running away from you if you aren’t there, trying to catch them… etc.

So any problem needs to be looked at with reflection on what both parties are bringing to the interaction.

I’ve come to this realization lately in my personal life, and am then drawing it back to awarenesses in my horsemanship and coaching. And my mare Lucy has been telling me this all along.

For example - I used to get frustrated when she was overly encroaching in my space, but with reflection, I wasn’t clear about where my space was to begin with. I was discouraged that she was averse to most touch and affection, but my approach was uncomfortably lacking in clarity and confidence.

You see?

When we run into relationship challenges, it’s easy to see what the other is doing that creates a problem.

But what am I contributing? Is their contribution simply a response or reaction to mine? Do I even understand what their input is?

17/06/2024

When have we earned the right to ask our horses to be different?

“Different” could be training or learning in any capacity. It could even be “helping” them with a perceived discomfort.

We know that learning happens on the edge of our comfort zone, but are we even entitled to be there?

I believe that we must FIRST establish safety — not just safe from physical harm as the human defines it, but true mental emotional, and physical safety — in order to be in a position to ethically ask horses to learn with us. Establish it, carry it with us in each interaction, and return to it as often as necessary.

Does the horse know, have felt experience, that discomfort with you is safe to experience? That you won’t ask too much, misinterpret, misjudge, get overzealous, or leave them hanging on the edge of their threshold?

What do you think? What would that look like for you and your horse?

15/06/2024

What happens when you set down dominance-based horsemanship?

⭐️ You set down your ego, and take full responsibility for how you show up and the impact that has on your horse/horsemanship.

⭐️ You set down your timetable, because it doesn’t account for the horse’s emotional state, decision making, and physical wellbeing.

⭐️ You set down your pride, because what the horse offers she gives you freely.

⭐️ You set down your entitlement,and acknowledge that everything we ask of our horses is foreign to them. It is to be earned, not taken.

⭐️ You set down your social status, because suddenly you are an alien in a world of force and fear and punishment and torturing trauma. You won’t belong, you can’t belong.

Alas, it is not all loss. Because while you set down all these things, you are also picking up plenty.

⭐️ You pick up your self worth, because you are no longer betraying yourself to apply the only tricks you know — tricks that violate you own sense of doing right by another

⭐️ You pick up your wellbeing, as facilitating safety, regulation, consent and understanding in your horse requires the same for you.

⭐️ You pick up your critical thinking, and fine tune your problem solving skills.

⭐️ You pick up your agency, as you are no longer bound by the limitations of a system that is not serving you or your horse.

⭐️ You pick up your creativity.

⭐️ If you are fortunate like me, you pick up a community that inspires you, encourages you, holds space for you and your horse.

It takes tremendous courage to set down the thing that drives the industry you love and has educated you from the beginning. Real, true courage. But the cost is nothing compared to what is gained in this new paradigm.

14/06/2024

Let’s talk about boundaries:

I have an uncomfortable history with boundaries. Even the word has felt harsh to me, and while I craved them I often felt like it was unacceptable to have them (especially as I found myself in evangelical and service-based environments).

I’ll share with you a boundary-related memory that will forever be etched in my mind:
I’m laying on a massage table, with a body worker that I had received care from a few times at the recommendation of my boss. My boss, incidentally, in a service-based and pseudo-Christian organization who had previously spoken to me about my capital b Boundaries, like they were a character fault of mine.

Anyways, I’m on the massage table, focused on relaxing and experiencing the massage, and she makes an offhand comment about how I have too many boundaries or am too boundaried or something along those lines. (I think I blanked it out a bit in pure shock of the moment.)

Me- barely dressed, covered with a sheet and trusting a virtual stranger with my wellbeing.
The body worker- someone I don’t know, that I chat casually with when I’m not dozing off over a few visits.

I could hear my boss’s voice behind the words of this otherwise very lovely and not inappropriate professional.

Yikes!

And I’m the one with boundary issues 😬

I eventually left said job after more than a few run ins with a boss who overstepped (in my opinion) frequently and egregiously the line between personal and professional.

My relationship with boundaries has evolved over time, and while I once felt apologetic for my need for them, things are different now.

What changed? A few timely messages hit home for me in a big way:

1. Boundaries are a way to keep people in, not fence them out.
2. Another word for boundaries is clarity.
3. Without boundaries, we have no shape or identity, and others don’t have a good sense of who we are. PS - neither do we.

This last one came courtesy of my horses.

A horse that is not shut down has no problem telling you where their boundaries are.

Don’t touch me there.
Don’t ask like that.
When you do that, I leave.
When you do that, I resist.

What if, instead of thinking as these moments as problems to solve, we saw them as invitations?

What if, instead of labeling those horses as difficult, we saw them as potential partners?

What if, instead of seeing boundaries as flaws in people, we saw them as opportunities to stay in relationship?

Boundaries are a way showing others who we are and what we are open to. Whether they come from a horse or human, they present an opportunity, not a barrier.

But only if we are willing to consider the other as who they truly are, not who we want them to be.

13/06/2024

Your horse should know better.

She should know how to lead beside you on a loose lead.
She should know how to stand quietly while being groomed, treated by the vet, mounted and dismounted.
She should know not to step on you.
She should know not to walk away when you approach her, and to take the halter with ease.
She should know not to push into you for food or treats…

Here’s the thing — perhaps she SHOULD know better, because the people in her life should have given her these skills and the capacity to generalize them.

But it’s not her fault that they didn’t. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t feel safe or comfortable doing these essential things on any given day. It’s not her fault that for any number of reasons she isn’t able to readily offer these behaviors to you.

Not her fault.
Maybe not even our fault.
But it IS OUR responsibility.

Whether we contributed to her challenges or not, it’s our responsibility now. Not to wait until the skill is necessary and correct her if she gets it wrong; it’s our responsibility to teach her, practice with her, and develop a generalized response to these essential skills.

Not her fault.
Maybe not even our fault.
But it IS OUR responsibility.

Are there things your horse SHOULD know and be able to do that you have been putting off addressing?

12/06/2024

For me, working with horses is a way of life, a way of being.

The lessons I learn and the skills I need to create meaningful, safe relationships with horses and then build learning out of those relationships…

It all matters. It matters as far as who I am, how I interact with others, and more and more, how I’m willing to be interacted with BY others.

You know that saying, “Wherever you go, there you are”?

That’s what it feels like for me - the integration of being with horses and being with people and being with myself.

The deeper I go, the more simple the truths that thread their way through it all.

These are the simple, sometimes incredibly difficult relationship truths that are guiding me lately -

🔶 Ask for what you need.
🔶 Listen to understand.
🔶 Believe them - whether they are horse or human or any animal.
🔶 Take responsibility for yourself.

Simple, maybe obvious, but far from easy.

And yet, I find deep peace within these practices, which is how I know they are right for me.

06/06/2024

I am not here to win.

I AM here to have a conversation.

What would the horse industry look like if we did away with the egotistical notion that we had to make sure our horses didn’t win?

“Don’t let her get away with that.”
“If she wins you’ll never (do whatever it is you want to be able to make your horse do)”
“Horses are dangerous; you have to make her respect you.”

It’s all rooted in the same dominance-based BS that has perpetuated horse circles for decades. It’s even the basis of what was an extremely positive development (at the time) of ‘natural horsemanship.’

But many of us have thankfully moved through and past that belief system to find a delightful opportunity on the other side — the opportunity for cooperative relationships with others. In this case, our horses.

Looking at the state of the world around us, it’s quite revolutionary really. Approaching another with the intent to understand, to connect, to move freely together. Not to control, overpower, or diminish.

What would it feel like to live in the world, to interact with our horses in this way?

To me, it feels like freedom. It feels like safety. It feels like home.

06/06/2024

New post is up on Patreon!

In this post I share my thoughts on the topic of care - what is it, really, how is it experienced, and why our intentions may not land as we hope when it comes to caring for our horses.

This is part of the FREE content that is available to anyone who follows the link.

Get more from Enlightened Horsemanship on Patreon

05/06/2024

Turning a ‘No’ into a ‘Yes’

Two weeks ago, we woke up to find this beautiful, sweet, perfectly wild adolescent puppy sleeping on our porch. Long story short, we were able to track down her background and she is now safe with us until a permanent home is determined.

And this little girl is testing everything I think/believe about training animals 🤣🤣.

I have been reminded that winning the favor of a fearful or wary animal is much more my comfort zone than shaping a rambunctiously dys-regulated one. But, here we are.

It would be easy to spend most of our time together telling her “no.”

No, don’t bite me.
No, don’t jump on me.
No, don’t pull my hair.
No, don’t destroy that.
No, no, no.

If you’ve ever raised a puppy, you know what I’m talking about.

And man, does that feel awful.

So instead, every day she is giving me practice at setting us both up for success. Planning ahead so that she is not tempted to do something undesirable. Having a motivator ready to redirect when needed. Recognizing her energy level and knowing when to quit when we’re ahead, and when I missed the moment and she’s blown way past all sense or reason.

I am being schooled!

I’ve been reminded that, as her caretaker, and just like with every horse we work with, the human is responsible for the experience. Period. I didn’t create the challenging behaviors, but I am the one who has accepted responsibility for her wellbeing. And that means giving her the care and understanding to live cohesively with responsible humans.

It would be “easy” (and miserable) to approach animals like it’s our job to tell them what not to do.

Instead, I encourage us to think about our role as the guide, the guardian, the coach. The one who tells them “YES! That’s the way.”

It requires a lot from us - a lot of preparation, planning, thoughtfulness, humility, humor, critical thinking… and more.

And it’s worth it 💯.

31/05/2024

“I used to think that as long as we taught the horses, everything would be ok and the horse world would slowly improve. But now I realize that’s far from the truth, because an educated horse means nothing without an educated owner.”

One of the best gifts we can give our horses is continuing our own education.

The more time I spend in the horse world, and the rescue world within that, the stronger I feel about the importance of education.

Educating your horse is of course important. Many of us know, the more educated a horse is, the more likely they are to have a safe and happy future, regardless of where they end up.

I used to think that as long as we taught the horses, everything would be ok and the horse world would slowly improve. But now I realize that’s far from the truth, because an educated horse means nothing without an educated owner.

So many trainers struggle not with training and preparing the horses, but with having the owner utilize that training once the horse goes back home. Horses will quickly end up at the level of their handler or rider.

Yes, a more advanced and experienced horse will pick up the slack for a greener rider. But for horses that don’t have the years of experience, it’s very easy for them to slip back to where they started.

Many of the rescues we meet are in their current situation because someone at some point did not have the knowledge to give them what they needed. Many of the rescues that are available for adoption struggle to find homes because the average adopter doesn’t have the experience needed to confidently work with them.

I know 95% of the struggles I’ve had with my horses in the past were due to my own lack of knowledge. I’m sure the struggles I have today are due to the same thing.

So next time you want to do something for your horse, remember how much your knowledge and experience means to them.

For both your relationship now, and your horses future.