Spooky Malcolm

29/08/2023

i have had an insufferable summer!i have been abandoned three times !!on one occasion i was left to guard the house and fed by a random stranger. this i preferred to being imprisoned in a cattery .
the first time i was put in my ususal luxury countryside cattery which was just about tolerable.The second time i was taken along with honey to a kennels/ cattery. because annoying Honey had to go there too, so did i .We were however not put in the same pen which i must admit might have been comforting.(WE SOMETIMES SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM AT HOME ) whoops caplocks !! i must file my claws down on my scatch post so i am more nibble on the keypad !! anyway i spent 3 days terrified with dogs barking near me ! ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE !!
I AM SO GLAD TO BE HOME NOW-getting lots of cuddles and cat milk and food that i like to waste -let it go dry -that annoys the humans !!

18/06/2023

i am very hot. being black in the sun is exhausting .
honey continues to take my humans time and zap their energy with her illness and steriod induced behaviour .
last week many people came to my lounge and played musical instruments with ant man .he is in a band and they were rehearsing .it was.a lady's birthday. she blows the stick to make music , and as i lay in the garden i heard my female human say " make sure Honey does not still those cakes" . so i went into the lounge to investigate- of course i assumed one of the buns was for me and proceeded to attempt a bun steeling operation infront of the band whilst they played their merry music .
but i failed - i was most dissappointed - the musicians intervened and removed the plate of buns .

06/05/2023

meow cat woes. so much to tell you . - my wonderful joshua went far away to live in london-apparently the streets there are pathed with gold and it is wise to take a cat with you -but he left me here !! he did return weeks later for a visit - i was elated but tried not to show it -of course .
HONEY has been gravely ill- she dissappeared for 6 days -i thought she had gone forever- at first i relished her absence. i slept in her giant bed and reclaimed my sofa. The humans had worried faces and spoke of the vets hospital !!. Horror - would i be sent there next !!! ??
then i started to miss honey's smiley face and doggy stench. Thankfully SHE has returned and although she is still not her bouncy self she is back to steeling my food and sniffing my bottom !!

06/01/2023

honey continues to hog my sofa and cover it in her foul stench and hairs . here i await my turn to stretch on MY sofa !!!

18/09/2022

I slept in Honey,s new bed yesterday- it,s very comfy . when i woke up i sneezed in it several times . HONEY has not slept in it at all yet - still chooses my old sofa to slumber on .and has shunned her first small puppy bed .
ah ha apparently Honey ate/ swallowed a dead mouse today - i had left it's co**se in my garden after last nights hunt! i heard my female human screeching " leave it !!!!" but to no avail ..,.

06/09/2022

Many many humans have come to my house to meet Honey,WHEN THEY SHOULD HAVE COME TO WORSHIP ME !!!
Honey is rather smelly so i am certain her popularity will fade soon.. However i am warming to her somewhat . i have sniffed her nose twice now to say"hello" . AND i have accepted that i must share my home , my garden and my family with her .
more news - i was attacked by a bee !! it flew into my furry chest ! i ran home bringing it with me !! ahhhhmeow,

10/08/2022

odd there seemed to be a long absence between my last two posts -and yet i did indeed write one back in late spring- it said I HAVE STOPPED SPINNING !! GREAT CAT NEWS !!
HOWEVER MY RAZOR SHARP CLAW MUST HAVE FAILED ME -I MUST HAVE PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON and did not send my news out to my fans after all !!
cats and computers are not meant to mix clearly ! And nor i believe are cats and puppies ... apparently HONEY is a puppy a baby dog -errr how revolting !! the vile creature keeps urinating and pooing in my garden and today she stole my best shady spot under my favourite bush .how rude of her ,.i am not pleased at all ,

05/08/2022

so much to tell -MEOW!!after experiencing a cat bite on my tail which caused an abcess -ouch !! and ataxia and being put on steriods and antibiotics and then going into the dreaded cattery whilst my family went far away i fell ill on my release with potential cat flu . i caused an outbreak in the cattery - i am secretly proud of being patient zero .....ah ha
i was so glad to be home and nursed back to health by my adoring family after more visits to the vets and more medication .
then my female and favourite owner fell ill with covid and she did not want to stroke me incase she infected me !!
but there is more fans -the biggest news of all is -a new creature has come to live with us -she i believe to be a dog but only small. she is named honey .
i was not pleased at all !! i have tolerated her so far , only hissed at her twice and batted her twice - now she knows i rule and this is spooky malcolms kingdom -she avoids me .how much can one cat take !!!!!!

08/02/2022

i continue to spin always to the left . i recently hurt my left leg and spent a week in pain hiding under the beds -but i still could not resist the urge to spin around and so hissed and howled in pain every time!! my family said i was a very foolish cat indeed. i have been back to the vets many times .
my leg is better now after pain meds and rest and i am back on my other medication ....will this be my downfall !!
today i chased a dog out of my garden - it entered through the hole in the fence !! actually i ran away from it,,,and crashed through the cat flap .

17/12/2021

i am still spinning around -always to the left ,after xrays and investigations the humans still know nothing !they did find more rotten teeth so they were extracted !! this made no difference to my need to circle and spin .after extreme vets bills it has been decided to wait and see ... my anxiety meds have run out and the drugs don't work anyhow so my fate is to be a spinning cat . my female joked that my favourite song was "spinning around "by kylie . !!
its a mystery !! so merry catmouse to all my fans xx

09/11/2021

i have been spinning and circling to the left several times a day - my family do not know what is wrong with me.i try to tell them but they do not understand my cat language . i am eating fine and enjoying extra cuddles and playing with my ping pong ball . ant man says i am mental but my female human thinks its anxiety related perhaps a firework let off rudely in october has petrified me!
anyhow all this has meant i have been stuffed in my cat box and taken to the vets 3 times where i have had my neck shaved and my blood extracted!! could it be neurological rather than behavioural? . how annoyed they shall be if they find out that i am doing it just for fun !!

25/09/2021

much to tell- my absolute favourite human in the whole land went away and left me for 4 days - apparently she went to scotland with danny -hmm intriguing ..the rest of the family remained here to serve me. so i coped . but i missed her so much ...they did not .
only 2 days after her return she took me to the vets to be vaccinated and poked and stroked ( my annual health check ) i am of course in prime condition !!

21/08/2021

my fan base has been weakening and so i must once again put paw to paper and add to my blog masterpiece !!
during the past few weeks i have been put in the cattery for 2 nights and also on another occasion left alone in the house for 4 nights !! Call the cats protection league !! janie our kind neighbour came to feed me of course . I allowed her to pet me and stroke me before becoming impatient and sinking my teeth into her flesh "" hurry up and feed me woman "i thought . My family were appauled to hear of my bad and ungrateful behaviour, referring to me as their psychotic pet p***y! Who will feed me next time they go away ? have i blown it with janie ?

21/08/2021

15/06/2021

my fans were wondering where i have been . well i am back with cattavengeance! much has occured recently but i have been far too busy hunting small creatures and dicing with death on the railway line to write my blog . my joshua went back to university land after 6 months here . i pined for him and spent two weeks searching his room looking for him until i got bored .Then our danny came here to see me - it was most splendid !!
but last week i endured an invasion of visiting humans staying in my house , occupying my garden and sitting in my place on the sofa !! how rude !! thankfully the peace has resumed as they have departed back to some far away place called " DOWN SOUTH " and i am once again king of my house !!

02/03/2021

lockdown p***ycat !!
whilst out galavanting i injured my tail!! i returned home crying and wailing with my limp forlorn tail drooping !! my devoted humans rushed me to the vets .The vet said it was not broken but indeed was damaged and i should stay indoors for a week to give it time to heal.if i knocked it again it may have to be amputated!!! NO NO NO we can not have that !!! However i could not tolerate being kept indoors and i orchestrated a break out on day 3!
after 3 days of continous meowing "our hour ..." (aka i want to go outside -LET ME OUT !!)And urinating in various places around the house rather than my litter tray ( protest urination ), my humans did not seem too bothered when i made my escape !
i spent the sunny afternoon gleefully rolling around on the driveway with my tail still intact .

26/01/2021

the humans are blaming me for their mouse infestation!! on occasion i have brought a mouse home to play with and it has scuttled off under the kitchen cupboard. inspite of my long mouse vigils i have failed to recapture some of them !! what can i say ?? no one is purrfect !!
i heard the humans complaining about mouse droppings and nibbled pasta.- and there has been an ungodly damp stench in joshua's room for the past 3 months( even when he was away-so it cannot be him!). it has been hypothesized that mice may be living in the walls !!!AND apparently its all my fault !!

26/01/2021

meow