23/03/2025
A must read for anyone looking to purchase a pony or horse for the first time. Especially a heads up for parents contemplating buying one for their child or children. On a serious note getting a horse or pony will change your life for the better ❤️
Horse Ownership Readiness Training, A Reality Check 🫣🫣
Before committing to the financial, emotional, and physical rollercoaster of owning a horse, it’s important to prepare yourself for the unique challenges ahead. These exercises will help you build resilience, patience, and an unwavering ability to smile through chaos.
1. The ‘Get Off My Foot’ Endurance Test
Drop a heavy metal object on your foot. Do not move it. Stand still and repeatedly shout, “Get off my foot! Get off my foot!” If possible, recruit a friend to ignore your pleas while scrolling on their phone.
2. The ‘Relax, It’s Fine’ Challenge
Sit in a car and accelerate toward a solid wall. As impact approaches, practice deep breathing and tell yourself, “Everything is under control.” Bonus points if you can smile.
3. The Monthly Wallet Sacrifice
Withdraw £1000 from your bank account. Toss it into the wind. Do not chase it. Repeat monthly to simulate vet bills, emergency farrier visits, and the time your horse eats something very expensive.
4. The Lead Rope Gauntlet
Find a friend with a car. Attach a lead rope to the vehicle. Hold on tightly while your friend slowly accelerates. Try to stop the moving car without letting go. For an advanced version, use a freight train.
5. The Impossible Half-Halt
Attach reins to a moving train. Attempt a delicate, controlled half-halt. Maintain a cheerful expression as though this is going exactly as planned.
6. The Dream Fulfillment Drill
Owning a horse means being bitten, kicked, slobbered on, thrown off, rained on, covered in mud, financially drained, and occasionally stranded miles from home. Smile, your dream is coming true! Practice grinning in all of these situations.
7. The Spoon Theory of Riding
Spend two hours daily attempting to bend a spoon using only your mind. No physical force allowed. Keep trying. Keep believing. This is excellent preparation for schooling a stubborn horse.
8. The Money Extraction Technique
Sit on the toilet. Focus. Through advanced sphincter control, attempt to extract cash from your body. This is an essential skill, as your finances will soon depend on it.
9. The Horse Catching Marathon
Go to a large field. Place a halter on the ground. Spend the next three hours attempting to convince the wind to walk into it. If you feel frustration creeping in, refer back to exercise #2.
10. The Trailer Loading Experience
Buy a large, uncooperative inanimate object. Attempt to push, pull, bribe, and sweet-talk it into a small enclosed space. If unsuccessful, call a friend and argue about whose fault it is.
11. The ‘Just a Quick Ride’ Time Warp
Set a timer for 20 minutes. Begin an activity. After the timer rings, look at the clock. Realize it is now four hours later, and you’re late for everything. Accept this as your new reality.
12. The Rugging Up Drill
Go outside in hurricane-force winds. Attempt to dress a moving toddler in a snowsuit while wearing oven mitts. If successful, immediately remove all clothing and repeat the process.
Final Notes:
Exercises #3 and #8 should be practiced frequently to ensure full preparation. If you excel at all tasks and still want a horse, congratulations, you’re ready!