19/12/2025
As I have gotten older and (I hope) somewhat wiser, this is what I want for my horses and myself. I'm done with showing dressage (the reasons are many and for another post) and my path with my horses has changed, I think for the better. I want happiness - for myself and for my horses.
I WANT TO BE HAPPY
A few months ago, I was watching somebody working a young horse over obstacles. The horse carried significant levels of worry and tried many times to escape the various challenges it faced. But in time, the horse eventually walked over the bridge, trotted across the tarpaulin, side passed over the pole, and trotted through the water. But at no stage did the horse exhibit calmness or relaxation. Nevertheless, many people heaped praise on the trainer's ability to get the job done.
I am telling you these thoughts because they are an example of something more important I want to touch on.
In the preface of my book, The Essence of Good Horsemanship, I relate an event that happened while I was driving through Melbourne on my way to a clinic many years back. On the radio, a fellow known as Father Bob was being interviewed about a charity fundraising competition he was organizing. Father Bob was famous for his charity work. He sadly passed away in 2023. As a Catholic priest, he was constantly in trouble with the church for his irreverent attitude toward the hierarchy.
In any case, in the radio interview, Father Bob was describing the prizes to be won in the competition. Third prize was a large flat screen television, second prize was a weekend for two at a luxury hotel, and first prize was serving for 2 days in a soup kitchen at a homeless shelter. When the interviewer expressed their dismay at the first prize, Father Bob set him straight. He said second and third prizes were just stuff, but first prize was happiness.
This was a light bulb moment for me. Father Bob’s succinctly expressed in one sentence my ambition for my horsemanship. Having a horse do stuff is just having a horse do stuff, but having a horse want to try to do stuff is happiness.
Desensitizing a horse to not spook is just stuff. Winning a blue ribbon is just stuff. Loading onto a trailer is just stuff. Being able to train a horse at liberty is just stuff. All these things can be achieved without caring a damn about our horse’s opinion of us or the things we ask it to do. I don’t see the satisfaction or thrill in that.
The reason why my relationship with my wife, Michele, is the best and happiest relationship I have in my life is because we both care about how the other feels as much as we care about ourselves. I want that with my horses too.
I care about all our animals, including our horses. Their emotional and physical well-being is top of the list of things that are important to me in our relationship. That’s easy. I care about them, and that’s not hard to do.
But it’s not enough that I just care about my horses. For my happiness to be complete, I want them to care about me. I don’t believe horses can care about people in the way that people care about horses, but they can care in the way horses can care.
By that, I mean a horse can be comfortable in my company. It can feel okay when I present a task to it. It can look to me for help when it feels troubled or confused. It can gain confidence through my presence. It can feel free to express its opinion (good or bad) and say ‘no’. It can offer the best try it has to give. I want all that. That would be happiness to me. The rest of the stuff, like snappy flying changes or coming when called, is nice, but it’s just stuff and not enough for me. I’m greedier than that. I want a good mutual relationship. I want first prize. I want happiness.
Photo: Hanging out with our 11 hand Welsh pony, May
