08/09/2021
I am continuously managing expectations on how tolerant and social dogs should be. If early cut off ("no thanks") signals are ignored, dogs will have to shout a bit louder to be left alone. If a dog has not given consent to an interaction and it’s forced upon them, they may object!
These are the signals that often scare people, but, in some cases ritualised aggression is PROPORTIONATE and IN CONTEXT!
Examples;
If I tried to disengage from someone and they followed at me tugging on my arm, trying to force me to chat, I would probably turn round and assertively ask them to back off. A growl, bark, tooth flash or stiff, upright posture is little different.
If someone I didn't know rushed up to me and gave me a massive hug, I'd find it quite the intrusion of my personal space and ask them 'excuse me, what on earth are you doing?'. if they grabbed me from behind I'd probably have a moment of feeling in total danger and may respond quite strongly to protect myself.
I don't hurl abuse at people across the street who are minding their own business and I don't punch people in the face for politely saying 'good morning’ to me. That's disproportionate and out of context.
I may not appreciate or always tolerate poor social etiquette, but if it's clear someone isn't trying to hurt me physically, I try to avoid hurting or scaring them while communicating my thoughts or navigating myself out of the situation. My level of response depends on their behaviour, and even then, I try hard to avoid escalation. That's proportionate.
However, some days I'm less tolerant than others, such as if I'm in pain, tired or unwell, I may be more quick to say something rather than ignore it. Other days, I may say nothing and walk on.
I am also not consistently social. Occassionally, I keep myself to myself intentionally. Some days I may have short, polite conversations with people before being ready to move on. Other times I may hang out and chat or continue to walk and talk with someone I've just met. I don't always want to avoid nor do I always want to chat (generally, I chat more than I avoid!).
I also may migrate towards certain personality types than others. There are certain behaviour traits in humans that I wish to be around, and others I would prefer to avoid.
Selectively social and varying levels of tolerance (depending on the situation) is normal in dogs!
Learn to spot what 'mood' your dog is in today, which dogs they enjoy being around and which dogs bring out the best in your dog! Give dogs that are an obvious mis-match a wide berth if you can- to set your dog up for success and prevent stress for all.
Remember- selectively social is NOT dog reactive/aggressive. If your dog reacts from a distance or responds to situations with disproporationate levels of aggression, get support from a qualified behaviourist (check out the ABTC register)
Thanks for this fab infographic Every Dog Behaviour Training