Autotelic Horsemanship

11/10/2026

A question came up in a conversation about politics that I’ve been thinking about in the barn. What standard of evidence and accountability should we expect from someone entrusted with power, regardless of whose side they’re on?

The part I keep coming back to is how much easier it is to ask hard questions of someone we already disagree with. When we like what a person is accomplishing, or when we’ve learned a great deal from them, we can be awfully generous about how they got there.

I want to make the world a little better where I have some influence, and I want to do as little harm as I can along the way. The barn is one place where I get to find out how well I live up to that. I decide what we work on, how I ask, and when we quit. My horse has ways of telling me how those decisions are affecting her. Whether what she tells me changes what I do is up to me. That matters most when I’m close to getting something I really want.

Say I ask a mare to stand at the mounting block. She steps away, I bring her back, and eventually she stands. If I’m eager to ride, it’s easy to call that a good result. But if I watch the whole video later, I might see that she braced every time I put my foot in the stirrup. I might see that I got so focused on keeping her feet still that I missed the very thing she was trying to tell me. How she feels about standing there while I get on matters at least as much to me as whether she stands. Some days, it matters more. I want to be able to look back at how we got there and feel good about what I asked her to go through. If getting on means brushing off her worry because I want to ride, there’s a cost to both of us. She has to live through the experience, and I’ve just made it a little easier for myself to overlook her worry the next time.

That’s the kind of evidence I want to get better at looking for. What happened just before she stepped away? What changed in her when I changed my approach? What does she offer the next time I bring her to the block? Watching what happens over a few sessions gives me more to go on, especially if I’m willing to look at the parts I’d be tempted to edit out.

To me, that’s where accountability gets practical. If I’m teaching and someone asks why I kept going when a horse was struggling, I ought to be able to tell them what I saw, what I was trying to help the horse understand, and what would have made me change my approach. Sometimes, looking back, the honest answer is that I missed something or got attached to the goal. I want the people who learn from me to feel comfortable asking about those moments. I want to hold the people I admire to the same standard.

Most of the time, when I’m home training alone, there’s nobody there to ask me those questions. That’s one reason I like to film. I can go back and watch the moment when I thought, There, she got it, and see what my horse was doing while I was busy feeling pleased with myself. Sometimes I see a horse who’s more comfortable and more willing to try. Sometimes I see a horse who did what I asked and gave me good reason to rethink how I asked it.

The ends don’t always justify the means. I think the hardest time to remember that is when the means worked. So when I’m pleased with what my horse did, I want to ask myself one more question. If I could get the same result tomorrow, would I be willing to ask her to go through the same thing again?

11/06/2026

The Kind of Leader I Want to Be

I believe horsemanship reveals a great deal about our character. Especially when we have the mental advantage.

When we have the ability to control another being, what we choose to do with that power matters and is a reflection of our moral compass.

I believe in helping when I can. Not because someone has earned my kindness, but because I have something to offer that might make their life better.

I believe those who depend on us deserve to feel safe. Especially the young, the vulnerable, and those who are still learning to navigate the world. My horses didn’t choose me. I chose them.

I believe in boundaries, but I also believe in freedom. Good leadership isn’t about controlling every decision. It’s about knowing when our involvement is necessary and when we ought to respect another’s ability to choose. Teaching my horses to make choices that lead to harmony is one of my favorite things.

I believe words matter. So do intentions. But neither excuses the consequences of our actions. Honor and integrity aren’t things we get to declare about ourselves. They are demonstrated through our behavior collectively.

I believe in taking responsibility for my share without placing unnecessary burdens on others.

I don’t believe every disagreement needs to become a battle. Nor do I believe we should drag others into conflicts that serve no meaningful purpose. Restraint is not weakness.

And I have very little patience for the idea that something must be right simply because it’s what we’ve always believed or how we’ve always done things.

I believe in asking questions, examining evidence, challenging assumptions, and being willing to change my mind when I learn something new.

Most importantly, I believe that having the power to make someone do something doesn’t automatically give us a good reason to do it.

These beliefs shape the kind of horsewoman I strive to be.

I want to be my horse’s friend, protector, leader, and teacher. Someone who can be trusted with influence because I understand the responsibility that comes with it.

To me, good horsemanship isn’t measured by how much control we can achieve. It’s measured by how responsibly we use the influence we’ve been given.

And I suspect that’s true of leadership well beyond the arena.

11/04/2026

That’s a wrap on North Dandalup! 🇦🇺🐴❤️

What a wonderful way to kick off my time teaching in Australia!

One of my favorite things about traveling to teach horsemanship is the opportunity to meet new horse lovers while reconnecting with longtime students and friends. It’s always rewarding to share what I love with people who are just as passionate about their horses as I am.

I’m so grateful for the warm welcome, the wonderful horses, and the opportunity to share more of Linda Parelli’s How To Talk Horse program. Every clinic reminds me how much we can learn from one another and, most importantly, from the horses themselves.

Now it’s time for a little downtime, some good company, and catching up with friends before we get back to the horses!

Harvey, you’re up next! 🐴❤️

11/01/2026

Building Toward Bridleless Riding by Coach Kristi Smith - A thoughtful, progressive framework for creating a horse who does not need reins for control - view full article here:

A thoughtful, progressive framework for creating a horse who does not need reins for control - Bridleless riding is not about removing equipment - it is about removing dependence on equipment. A horse who goes bridleless safely and beautifully is a horse who understands your language, trusts your le

10/22/2026

“It’s all pressure. You use pressure too.”

Yes. Asking a horse to shift a foot and chasing a frightened horse to exhaustion can both involve pressure.

That does not make them equivalent.

Sharing one characteristic doesn’t make two actions equal. The intensity, timing, opportunity to respond, and willingness to adjust all matter. So does what happens to the horse.

Calling something “communication” doesn’t automatically make it fair. Calling every uncomfortable moment “abuse” doesn’t automatically make that assessment accurate, either.

Two things can be true at the same time. Two claims can also both be false. A flawed comparison doesn’t establish the truth of either one.

We have to examine each claim on its own merits.

And “you do it too” is not an explanation of why a practice is appropriate. It’s an invitation to examine both practices.

I want my horsemanship to withstand that examination. My intentions matter to me, but my horse has to live with my actions.

That principle reaches well beyond the arena.

Am I making a comparison to understand something better—or to avoid taking responsibility?

10/20/2026

“How do I get my horse to stop doing ______?”

My next question is usually, “What do you want them to do instead?” Getting clear about that gives us something constructive to teach.

Gina is naturally a very tense horse. With her, I want to build a collection of skills she understands and feels confident using. Thoughtfully chosen tasks and training strategies give our sessions direction, and confidence becomes the most valuable byproduct.

In this photo, the barrels gives us something to explore together. But getting over them is only part of the purpose. I’m interested in how Gina approaches the question, how we communicate, and how I can help her feel more capable. Those are the qualities I want us to carry into other experiences in “humansville.”

The skill matters. The mental and emotional fitness we develop along the way matters even more to me.

And I want to enjoy getting there. It’s easy to develop tunnel vision about completing a task and overlook how special—even magical—it is to share a relationship with a horse. Learning to appreciate the process is at the heart of Autotelic Horsemanship.

What’s something you want your horse to stop doing—and what could you help them learn instead?

10/19/2026

Rider Position, by Coach Kristi Smith - There is no one correct riding position! However, there are appropriate positions for the tasks and exercises that you want to accomplish. Read more:

There is no one correct riding position! However, there are appropriate positions for the tasks and exercises that you want to accomplish.

10/05/2026

Relaxation and Healthy Posture: The Foundation of Autotelic Horsemanship, Coach Kristi Smith,

Autotelic horsemanship is rooted in a simple but often overlooked truth: if a horse does not feel good in her body while doing what we ask, harmony does not exist. We may see compliance, obedience, or even performance, but without comfort and relaxation, the experience is not mutually rewarding. And

09/21/2026

Exploring Purpose Beyond Goals, by Coach Kristi Smith, founder of Autotelic Horsemanship,

What if the true purpose isn't about tasks and objectives, but rather about exploring the boundless possibilities and forging meaningful connections?

09/11/2026

I am becoming a huge believer in the value of having a routine that helps a horse arrive in the arena in a learning frame of mind.

For quite some time, I have been using Linda Parelli’s Everyday Warm Up with Kaya. Of course, the exercises themselves are useful, but I think the bigger gift has been the consistency of the conversation.

Kaya knows how we begin. She knows what kinds of questions I am going to ask. And we have spent enough time building Connection, Relaxation, Responsiveness and Confidence into that routine that I no longer feel like I have to figure out which version of Kaya showed up that day.

Her Horseanality hasn’t disappeared. She is still Kaya. But it doesn’t seem to dictate how much of our session we have to spend simply getting ready to learn anymore.

Yesterday was a perfect example.

I had been gone for five days teaching in Virginia. In the past, after several days apart, I would have expected at least a little backsliding and planned accordingly. Instead, Kaya walked into the arena and showed up exactly where we had left off.

Maybe even better.

I’m not entirely sure how that happens, and I’m not going to pretend that every ride from here forward will be perfect. But there is something pretty powerful about realizing that the work we have done isn’t just producing better individual sessions. It appears to be changing her expectation of what happens when we enter the arena together.

We come here to connect.
We find relaxation.
We make sure our language is working.
And then we learn together.

Days like yesterday make me incredibly grateful to be part of the Happy Horse Happy Life community and especially grateful for Linda’s mentorship. After all these years, she is still giving me new ways to understand what is possible between a horse and a human.

And Kaya keeps giving me opportunities to find out whether I really understand it. 💜