Capone the Wonder Dog

01/09/2025

Good morning, and happy Labor Day!

There is something wonderful about this day, which signals the end of summer and the beginning of my most favorite season of all.

Pumpkin Spice Season.

I've been looking forward to the end of summer since about mid-July. Like Madame, I hate hot weather, but the next few months are magical.

September is all about fresh starts, newly sharpened pencils, and the excitement of going back to school. We no longer have kids in school, but we feel the excitement just the same.

October is all about pumpkins, falling leaves, harvest moons, and spooky nights. Halloween might just be Madame's favorite holiday. And the cooler weather is amazing too.

November is pie month. It's the time of year I'm most likely to sn**ch a butter wrapper from the garbage. It's a time of indulgence and (for me) opportunities.

December is all about sparkling lights, sweet cookies, parties, fun, gifts, and usually the first snow of the year. Isn't the first snow incredible? As soon as those flurries start, Madame gets a smile on her face.

So much to look forward to, and so many things to celebrate. Labor Day, although intended to honor the American worker, feels like a kiss goodbye to summer and a big old hello to fall. The scent of pumpkin spice is already in the air, and I'm so ready for it.

Happy Labor Day everyone! Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

31/08/2025

The story I'm about to tell you is shocking. It's also disgusting. None of it is my fault—I swear—but if you have a delicate constitution, or if you're in the middle of eating breakfast, you may want to wait a bit before reading this.

Since Madame is in West Virginia this weekend for a conference, I thought it was worth retelling. I'll call this, "The Horrible Thing That Once Happened When the Oldest Son Borrowed Madame's Car to Move to West Virginia."

Are you ready for it?

Madame once had a large vehicle she dubbed "Big Mama." This vehicle moved the boys countless times—from dorms to apartments to houses. She was big. She had a large capacity. And she had all the college stickers for the places the boys attended on her bumper. Allegheny College. Penn State. Washington and Lee Law School. Pitt.

That last one is important. Apparently, some people in West Virginia do not take kindly to a Pitt sticker. We found this out when the oldest used Big Mama to move to Charleston, WV.

And this is when the gross part happens. Prepare yourselves.

He moved his thing and brought the car back to Pennsylvania. He arrived home late in the evening, and the next morning, Madame took the car to get gas. But when she opened the door to where the gas cap is located, she discovered something awful.

The entire area was filled with doggie doo.

Obviously, whoever did this is a monster. Madame had nothing but a tiny pack of tissues with her to clean it out. It was awful.

Sigh.

We suspect that perhaps a West Virginia University fan found Big Mama's Pitt sticker offensive, and decided to retaliate. But, honestly, what kind of person thinks, "I'll insult the owner of this vehicle by shoving dog p**p into their gas tank. Huzzah!"?

Madame felt like both she, and her alma mater, were targeted. It took an entire bottle of sanitizer and two baths before she felt better.

Poor Madame. Poor Big Mama.

They picked a car belonging to the one person who cares the least about college football. It's ironic, don't you think?

Oh, well. We can only hope karma paid them back for it. Karma always does.

31/08/2025

You know it's true! 😁

30/08/2025

August 26th was National Dog Day. Once again, Madame forgot all about it.

Typical. We never handle the important holidays properly.

Even worse, she left yesterday to teach some workshops at a conference in Huntington, WV. Remember how my last post was about hope? Well, I'm hoping she plans to bring me something from Huntington.

I have my doubts, but that doesn't mean we can't do something special. As a way to celebrate (belatedly) with all of you, I wanted to give away a few copies of Madame's book, "A Royal Pain." It won the Contemporary Romance Writers of America Stiletto Prize in 2024, which is also cause for celebration. And I thought you'd all enjoy it.

To be entered to win, share a picture of you pooch in the comments. That's all you have to do.

I can't wait to see your doggies. And if you don't have doggies, I will accept kitty cat photos as well. Or hamsters. Or mice. Or dolphins.

Who doesn't love dolphins?

Basically, I'll accept any animal. And no matter how you celebrated, I hope your National Dog Day was wonderful in every way. I bet your dog got lots of great treats. And I assume I will also get lots of great treats as soon as Madame gets home from her trip.

Could someone please pass this message onto Madame? Also, if someone could give Madame a heads up on these holidays ahead of time, it would be much appreciated.

If you're unfamiliar with Madame's books, this is her author page on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/.../Abigail-Drake/author/B01AQZQ4QC?

Have a wonderful day! We'll announce the winner next week.

30/08/2025

29/08/2025

Do you know what the best thing is about being a dog? I mean other than the obvious (meaning we have no fiscal responsibilities and we can p**p anywhere)?

Hope. Doggies always have hope.

The principal from Annunciation School in Minneapolis spoke yesterday, and said the school theme this year was "A future filled with HOPE." It's hard to find hope during such a dark time, so you may need a doggie perspective on this.

Hope is what keeps me under the table at every meal, thinking something just might drop onto my head. Hope is why I come back into the house every time Madame offers me a cookie, even though half the time she's a lying liar who lies and there is no cookie at all. Hope is what makes me think if I wait long enough, I might be able to kiss to my little lady love, Evie, in spite of the electric fence that divides us.

Hope is a gift. Emily Dickinson wrote a great poem about it. She represents hope as a bird, and I hate birds, but it's a good poem:

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.

Emily isn't writing about an actual bird (duh). She's writing about the hope that lives inside all of us. It's that miraculous, unexplainable, unseeable thing that somehow shines through even during the darkest times, and helps us stay positive. And it's what saves us from despair and gives us the strength to move on when really horrible things happen. Because hope doesn't stop those things from happening, but it helps us endure them.

Hold onto your hope, no matter what storm you're living through right now. No matter how bad things might seem. And share it with others. One person's hope might be the little bird Emily spoke of, but can you imagine if we combine our birds of hope together? We'd end up with a pretty big freaking flock of feathered hope birds.

I'm still hoping food will fall on my head. It might not happen today, and it might not happen tomorrow, but it'll happen eventually. Because I have hope. And because Madame drops things a lot.

Have a great day, everyone. Stay hopeful. That's my wish for all of you. A future filled with HOPE.

28/08/2025

Good morning! It’s Thursday, which means we have another adorable adoptable from the kind folks at Judge's Park.

Meet Ivy—a sweet little kitten!

**She is currently at Petsmart in Boardman Poland!**

**She has been waiting for a home since July of 2025**

Here’s more about her from the shelter:

*female kitten
*calico/brown tabby (more red than her sister
*DOB around April 15, 2025

-This group of kittens came in after they were picked up as strays outside.
-They came here so we could get them vetted and for them to find forever homes!
-Ivy is shy at first, but secretly she’s a sweet girl who will purr when she trusts you.
-She loves to play and explore and is very rambunctious with her sisters!
-She’d do best in a quieter home with no or older kids, and given time in a smaller room to get used to her new home and family!
-She must go to a home with her sister or to a home with other kitties to learn the ropes with!
-She is spayed, FIV/Felv negative, FVRCP and rabies vaccinated, microchipped, dewormed, and on flea preventative.
-She will be adopted to an indoor only home and the adopter will sign a contract that she cannot be declawed.
-Interested adopters can fill out our adoption application here: https://www.judgespark.org/adoption-application.html.
-Adoption fee is $100 for a single and $150 for a pair which includes all the vetting above.

27/08/2025

Yesterday, Madame decided it was time to clean out the garage and shed. It's been a while, and we had a lot of weird stuff in storage. A bed. Two baseball bats. Several sleds. Boogie boards. A CD collection from someone who used to be a DJ (don't ask). It basically looked like the start of one of those very bad garage sales in which you sit outside all day and make $2.83.

You know what I mean.

Anyway, just I was getting tired of watching Madame, something exciting happened. People showed up to work on our neighbor's lawn, so I hid behind a bush and spied on them. I was in stealth mode. I'm so good at stealth mode. I blend right into the shadows... or so I thought.

"Hello, there."

My ears perked up. A new friend stood on the street, smiling at me.

"Hey, pretty boy."

My tail started wagging. He looked like a really awesome guy. I opened my mouth to bark, but then I realized barking would alert Madame and she would come over and ruin my fun. She always ruins my fun. Instead of barking, I spoke to him. Softly. I said, "Hello. You seem super nice. Do you want to be my friend? I want to be your friend. But don't tell Madame we're chatting. She'll think I'm annoying you - which I'm not - and she'll come over here and ruin everything."

Of course, what he heard was "Rur-rur-roh-ruh-ro-ru-ruhr."

His reply: "Awww. Aren't you a cutie pie?"

Yes. Yes, I am a cutie pie. I was so happy I barked - only once - but Madame heard me.

Curses.

"What are you doing, ding bat?"

Oh, great. Way to embarrass me in front of my new buddy.

"Did you get your nose stuck in the bush again?"

If I could roll my eyes, I would have. That only happened one time ONE TIME. But would she let me forget it? No.

By now my new friend was laughing, and I had to bark. I couldn't help it. I didn't want him to think I was some loser that got his nose stuck in bushes.

Madame came over and saw my new friend. "Sorry," she said. "Was he bothering you?"

The man laughed. "Oh, no. He's a beautiful dog. We were just chatting. He's a good boy."

I barked to thank him. Madame, not understanding, made me go back in the house.

I'm so mad. Her new name is Madame . She ruins all my fun.

26/08/2025

Hello! I’m Ziggy! I’m a neutered male, gray and white Pit Bull Terrier. The shelter staff think I am about 2 years old. I weigh 55.5 lbs.

I came to the shelter a while ago as a stray. When I first arrived, I was very, very skinny. With lots of love, medical care, and special TLC, I'm doing much better now, but I'm sad too. I need to find my humans. I need to find my home.

I am a special kiddo—full of love and affection, and all I want in the whole wide world is to be with you. If I could tag along on every adventure, be your sidekick on every quest, I absolutely would. I have your back, no matter what!

I am playful, silly, but very smart. I love to learn new tricks and skills. I do have a bit of separation anxiety, but we're working on it. I have met dogs here that I play with, but I can be very picky about my friends. I would do best in a home of older tweens/teens.

I am a wonderful office friend. I lounge on the dog bed, snack on a kong, or snuggle up in someone's lap. I am learning how to crate-train, and honestly, I love it! It makes me feel so safe and cozy.

I am currently a foster to adopt candidate. Come meet me today! I'm such a good boy, and I've been waiting for so long.

From a staff member: “Ziggy is one of the goofiest dogs I have ever met! He LOVES to climb up and snuggle and loves to give slurpy kisses with a little extra nibble when he gets too excited. Ziggy is beyond smart and trainable. He has come a very long way from when he first arrived. He does weight pull 2x a week to burn off some energy, and he kicks butt at it! He is a big playgroup player, but he will let you know when he doesn’t want to be friends with someone. All he wants is to be with you constantly.”

From a staff member who had Ziggy in foster: “This pup was a pleasure to foster in my home! Ziggy is very smart and very food motivated, which means that he loves to train! He’s mastered many tricks! My favorite is “wait”, where he would sit and stay while I put his dinner in his crate. I could put it in there and walk away, and he would remain patiently waiting for me to tell him “take it” before getting up to eat! He’s a great cuddler too! We shared many movie nights together and his favorite spot to relax was in my lap. Everywhere I went, he happily followed. If you’re looking for a smarty pants best friend, you should meet Ziggy!”

For more info about Ziggy, please contact:

The Beaver County Humane Society
3394 Brodhead Road
Aliquippa, PA 15001
(724) 775-5801
https://beavercountyhumanesociety.org

25/08/2025

Last night Madame and the Middle Son were able to take part in Lantern Night at the University of Pittsburgh. It's a tradition that began 105 years ago when the first female students at Pitt (the Stein sisters) decided to go around campus in their white nightgowns one night holding Chinese lanterns. The 19th amendment had just been passed, giving women the right to vote, and I guess they felt like celebrating.

The Steins ended up graduating first in their class, and one of their enduring legacies was Lantern Night. Student no longer run around in their jammies, and there are no highly flammable Chinese lanterns, but the tradition lives on.

Madame and the Middle Son were both Flame Bearers: alumni who pass on the light of learning to the new class of freshman. The most poignant moments of the evening came when one of the speakers recognized a woman who'd graduated from Pitt in 1949. Another great moment was a speech given by a young man who was a member of the Blue and Gold Society (something the Middle Son was part of during his time at Pitt). He spoke about a class that he struggled with, and told the incoming freshman that it's okay not to be perfect all of the time. That seemed like a good reminder to everyone.

Also, Madame got to see her friends Roslyn, Regina, Julie, and Susan. That was fun too. She hasn't seen Julie and Susan in years and years, so it was very exciting for her to randomly run into them at Lantern Night.

Sadly, I did not get to go to Lantern Night. All I got was this lamp which does not turn off apparently. It's blue, though, and I like it.

Roslyn suggested Madame bring me to Pitt sometime so I can frolic on the Cathedral Lawn. Roslyn has never met me in person. She has high hopes for my behavior. After she mentioned that, Madame remembered that I had once visited Pitt. I did spend time near the Cathedral, but Madame didn't let me go on the grass. I tend to p**p in special places, and she didn't want her alma mater to be desecrated.

But it was a great evening, and it was all thanks to two coeds running around in their nighties. I guess that proves you never know the impact of your actions, so thank you Stein sisters, and !

24/08/2025

Yesterday, something shocking and unacceptable happened. Madame sat down on the couch, holding a juicy white peach from Costco (if you haven't tried these yet, go out and buy some now). She began to munch on it, and munch, and munch.

And she ate the whole thing.

I couldn't believe it. Madame didn't pay the peach tax. It was like she'd completely forgotten about it.

You can imagine my horror. I stared at her, completely bamboozled by this behavior. And do you know what she said to me?

"Oops."

Does she really think that is an appropriate response to breaking one of our fundamental rules?

Monsieur noticed my dismay. "What's wrong with Capone?" he asked.

She had the nerve to laugh. "I ate a peach and forgot to give him some."

Monsieur seemed to understand the severity of this offense. "What are you going to do now?"

She shrugged. "He'll get over it."

I cannot fully fathom the pure callousness of this statement. One does not "get over" something like this. One pays reparations to one's victim.

She seemed to understand what I was thinking, and let out a sigh. "Fine. I'll give him a cookie."

It wasn't a bite of her peach, but at least it was something. And any good lawyer knows that it's usually better to settle out of court if you can. It's faster, more predictable, and I did get a cookie out of it. I wouldn't say I was happy, but at least I felt a bit like justice was served.

Case closed.

23/08/2025

I'm not sure how Madame can resist this face, but somehow, she does. She also resists me trying to nudge her laptop off her lap with my nose, and that takes some skill as well.

Why do I do this?

Well, in this example, Monsieur was sitting in my spot. That is unacceptable behavior. But there are other times I do it as well.

1. I want a snack.
2. I want my dinner.
3. I want a snack after dinner.
4. I'm hoping to trick Madame into providing me with a second dinner.
5. I need to go outside (although I normally accomplish this by whining).
6. I want Madame to take a nap.

The last one is, quite honestly, very hard to resist. Even when Madame isn't really sleepy, the idea of curling up on the couch with me is very tempting.

We have a system. When she lies down on her right side, legs folded, I hop into the little nest behind her legs, and place my chin on her hip. Sometimes I put my chin on her ankle. Other times, I stick my nose behind her knees. Not matter what, it's a very cozy pose. You get that picture.

I have been blamed for many unplanned naps in this house. It's not just my warm body and snuggly nature. They rhythmic cadence of my snoring is also very sleep-inducing.

I should record it and sell it to Calm. Madame loves that app. They could use my snoring as one of their soothing recordings that help people relax and fall asleep. I can imagine it now.

"Relax. Listen to the sound of the Labrador snoring. Breath in. Breath out. Let go of all your stress and worry. A dog has no stress. A dog lives in the moment. Be like that dog. Let your anxiety float away as you experience to the soothing sounds of a dog just being a dog."

I think it would be a really popular addition to their lineup, don't you?