Sometimes, it’s better just to come clean and admit your mistakes. What I did to Elliot was wrong on so many levels. I figured I should make a grand gesture, and what could be better than a very public apology?
Therefore, that’s what I’m doing. I’m sorry, Elliot. I took my humping a step too far. I feel awful about it. And I promise it will never happen again.
Hopefully.
Sometimes I have a little love eruption and I just can’t hold back. I have to express it. To let it out (so to speak). And that’s what happened. Elliot was just the unfortunate recipient of my unwanted advances.
Madame wonders how this even happened. I am neutered. I haven’t had cajones in nearly a decade. I don’t think I regenerated. I’m not a starfish.*
*When starfish lose an arm, they can grow a new one. In fact, they can grow an entire new body from just one arm.
Oh, glory be. That’s a troubling thought. What if I am part starfish?
I still don’t have my cajones (I checked), but what if my cajones regenerated on their own and built a new…me.
Dear heavens. Is that even possible?
I think we need to find out. Until then, another sincere apology to Elliot for my terrible behavior.
And if you see another me running around, one with cajones. Please let me know.
Oh, snap is right.
#caponethedog #labrador #blacklab #blackdog #dogsofinstagram #baddog #labradorretriever
Ah, the dulcet tones of my canine snores. There is nothing quite like it. So loud, and yet somehow soothing.
I can’t help the snoring. I was exhausted. Madame has been on a cleaning and reorganizing frenzy. We’re hosting little Moonbeam’s first birthday party tomorrow, so there was lots of work to do. Madame did all the cleaning, but I had to follow her around all day. It was very tiring.
Can you believe Moonbeam is already turning one? Time flies, doesn’t it? It seems like she was born yesterday, but what a wonderful year it has been.
I’ll share photos of the party. Madame is already worried about how much of a bass pole I’ll be. There will be quite a few guests, so that means multiple opportunities for bass-polery.
We are in so much trouble.
But for now, I’m snoozing away, dreaming of doggie ice cream. I haven’t had any in days. Ever since Madame noticed I was getting chonkier than usual, she cut me off.
Cruelty, thy name is Madame.
Have a great Friday, friends! Enjoy your day!
#caponethedog #labrador #sleepingdog #blacklab #blackdog #dogsofinstagram
I am feeling very proud.
If I could bark “USA! USA!” I’d be doing that right now.
Wasn’t it fun watching the men’s gymnastics team snag a medal? Stephen Nedoroscik, pommel horse king, is my new hero.
Also, since the Youngest Son just graduated from Penn State, this victory feels even sweeter.
I can’t wait to see what happens next. I’m also a big fan of women’s rugby. I don’t understand anything about it, but I cheered like a crazy dog anyway.
Speaking of dogs, when did Snoop Dogg become our national hype man? I have no idea, but I’m here for it.
I love the summer Olympics! Go team!
#caponethedog #labrador #labradorretriever #teamusa #weare #pennstate #stephennedoroscik #mensgymnastics #pommelhorse
Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. Life is hard when you’re a clumsy doggo with poor timing. I could have died. I could have killed Madame as well.
It’s a good thing she’s on the ball.
#caponethedog #labrador #labradorretriever #blacklab #blackdog #dogsofinstagram #dogslife #labradork
Madame likes to listen to guided meditations for writers created by her dear friend Madhu Bazaz Wangu. Normally she keeps her eyes closed when she does this, but this time she decided to open them in order to see what I’m doing while she meditates.
This is it.
I guess I find her concentration amusing. That’s all I can say about it. I also like that she sits on the floor while she does it. The floor is normally my domicile. To have her there is both funny and a bit unsettling. And it gives me easy access to lick her face, which is good for me but probably distracting for her.
I’m the opposite of zen. I’m the anti-zen. But at least I’m cute.
Have a good Friday everyone. Namaste.
#caponethedog #labrador #blacklab #dogsofinstagram #labradork #blackdog #meditation #namaste #fridayvibes
A Lab in a lab coat? What the heck?
And notice the chemistry books and safety googles too. Not my usual look at all.
So, why am I doing this?
Well, since Madame is a book person, and I am a rather bookish dog, so I thought I’d share a few reviews of recent reads with you this summer. The outfit and props are important, since our first review is for the fabulous novel “Lessons in Chemistry” by Bonnie Garmus.
“Lessons in Chemistry” is about a female chemist in the early 1960s who is a brilliant scientist, but experiences extreme discrimination. Expect to be enthralled, because Elizabeth Zott is an amazing, and very unconventional heroine. After meeting the love of her life in fellow scientist Calvin Evans, she soon finds herself a single mother without a job. That leads to her becoming the reluctant star of a very popular televised cooking show, and changes her life, and the lives of women all over the country, completely.
It’s a lovely story, but my favorite character in the whole book is Elizabeth’s dog, Six-Thirty. The book is partially told through his perspective, and it’s amazing. He’s so smart and good and loyal - all the things a doggo should be and more. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed this dog’s “voice.” It was truly special.
If you like women’s fiction with nerdy heroines, a wonderful plot, lots of surprises (both good and tragic), and a DOG, you’ll really enjoy this book. Also, it’s a series on Apple TV which I plan to watch very soon.
I give this 10/10 paws.
🐾 🐾🐾🐾🐾
I hope you enjoy it too!
Here is the link: https://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Chemistry-Novel-Bonnie-Garmus-ebook/dp/B098PW8NP8/
#caponethedog #bookreview #labrador #lessonsinchemistry #bonniegarmus #summerreads #blackdog #dogsofinstagram #bookstagram
Mistakes.
I’ve made a few.
Or, rather, I’ve eaten a few.
This is not a complete list. I completely forgot about all the poop I’ve eaten.
Goose poop.
Bunny poop.
Deer poop.
Horse poop.
Mystery poop.
I can’t identify the last one. I’m guessing it’s something unusual. Like a raccoon. Or an opossum. It makes me hungry just thinking about it.
I suppose I should make better choices now that I’m older, wiser, and less capable of digesting non-food items. But I can’t stop myself. I catch a whiff of something potentially yummy, and it’s like a siren’s call. I must try it.
Even if there are consequences.
Bad consequences.
The good news is that I haven’t had abdominal surgery in nearly 6 years. That’s an accomplishment. And I’ve only gone to the vet for issues not related to food. Like that time I caught canine herpes at doggie daycare.
Sigh. Good times.
Anyway, I think this is quite the list. What’s the worst thing your dog has eaten?
This should be fun.
#caponethedog #dogsofinstagram #labrador #labradorretriver #blackdog #baddog #labradork #blacklab #doglover #doglife #doglovers #lablove #lablife
Life isn’t easy when you’re hungry all the time.
I wake up hungry. I spend the day hungry. I go to sleep hungry. It’s a constant thing. And there is a definite side effect.
I’m getting a little broad across the beam.
Mistress Patti noticed it the other day. “Wow, he’s chonky,” she said, stating the obvious.
I am chonky. Very chonky. But I can’t help it.
Madame tried making excuses. “He’s just a little… fluffy.”
Note: I am not fluffy. That was a lie to ease her guilt over the part she’s played in my weight gain.
I don’t blame her. It’s so hard to resist my pitiful begging face, but she is part of the problem.
She’s been feeling a bit neglectful after traveling so much. To compensate, she started sneaking me extra treats when she’s home, including a daily cup of cheddar and bacon doggie ice cream.
You read that right. Cheddar. Bacon. Ice Cream. The Holy Trinity of dog treats. Yummy.
There is a good reason for the ice cream. It’s been so hot here lately. She thought it would be refreshing, which it was. It was also delicious. And a little addictive.
Anyway, that may be the root cause of my weight gain, but I really don’t care. I’d rather be fat and happy than sad and skinny, wouldn’t you?
Hey, that might be my new motto.
And what could make a dog happier than cheddar bacon ice cream?
Not much, my friends. Not much.
#caponethedog #labrador #labrador #blacklab #blacklabrador #labradorretriever #blacklabradorretriever #hungrydog #feedme #dogsofinstagram #doglife #spoileddog
Everyone thinks Monsieur is so nice. Well, here is proof that he isn’t.
How dare he sit next to Madame on the couch and snuggle her and kiss her? How dare he take my spot?
It’s torture, I tell you. Cruel and unusual punishment. Even worse, he thinks my reaction is funny.
Well, I’m not laughing, Monsieur. This is the face of utter despair.
Someone please call PETA. Or the ASPCA. I’m not amused. It’s animal abuse.
You’ll need the sound on for the full effect of his needling and my whining. Prepare yourself. It’s the saddest sound you’ll ever hear.
You’ve been warned.
#caponethedog #labradork #douchecanoe #labrador
I told you Luke’s treat dance was the cutest thing ever. Well, here is proof.
Sometimes I think my little buddy might be part rabbit. Or maybe kangaroo.
You never know what wonderful thing might be just around the corner. Hoping you all bounce into this weekend with the same joy Luke experiences every time he thinks he might be getting a dog biscuit.
Happy Friday everyone!!
#caponethedog #labradork #lifewithluke #dogsofinstagram #happydog #cutedog #labrador #staffordshirebullterrier
Turn on the sound for this one!
Simon Says is officially the worst game ever.
Who invented this nonsense? It’s stupid. Mostly because I lost. If I’d won, maybe it wouldn’t have been quite as stupid.
I definitely think it was rigged, but you be the judge.
Rigged or not rigged? What do you think?
I guess the only thing we can agree on is Luke’s cuteness. He is pretty adorable in this video.
I mean, I’m cute too, but I’m more distinguished looking. The George Clooney of Labradors.
Hey, I might not be good at Simon Says, but at least I have my looks. That’s something, right?
#caponethedog #labrador #labradork #lifewithluke #labradorretriever
You'll want to turn on the sound for this one!
Drool. A gift and a curse. But I can’t help it. Baby, I was born this way. Why not embrace it?
And that’s the key to happiness. You have to embrace what makes you weird, since that’s also what makes you special.
I guess that means drooling is my thing. It’s my superpower. And I’m so danged good at it.
Have a great Friday everyone! Embrace the drool!
#caponethedog #labradork #drool #labrador
Good morning! I mentioned previously how I’m a non-retrieving retriever. Well, this video is proof. I have a warped concept of what “fetch” means.
Yes, I get very excited.
Yes, I will pretend to participate.
No, I will not bring it back.
Once I have the ball, it’s like I’ve completely forgotten what we were playing. I combine games in my mind to create something more like a combo of fetch and chase with a few zoomies thrown in for good measure.
Fetchase-a-zoom.
Monsieur is always hopeful I’ll bring the ball back when he throws it, but that has never actually happened. Poor Monsieur. He just wants someone to play with. Sadly, I’m not that guy.
The odd thing is that I was bred into a family of excellent hunting dogs. Can you imagine if I went duck hunting? If I weren’t freaked out by the sounds of gunshots, or terrified by seeing the carcass of a dead duckie, I’d most likely miss the point of the whole thing. Rather than carry it back to the hunter, I’d probably pick it up and run around with the dang thing in my mouth.
I am very good at the “drop it” command, though. I’ve learned that after eating so many things I shouldn’t. And dropping things is technically part of fetch, but I’ve never really made that connection.
Like I said, I’m a failure as a retriever. Madame has even gone so far as to call me a factory reject.
She’s joking. I think. But it’s interesting how dogs can be so different. Our friends have a dogggie named Chip. He’s a labradoodle, and that dude lives for fetch. He’ll play every minute of every day if you let him.
Personally, I’d find that a bit annoying if I were a human. Who wants a dog dropping a drool-covered ball on them all the time?
But Madame thinks it’s adorable. Of course, she may feel differently if she had to live with it, day in, day out.
And I think Monsieur would hate it too. He’s not a fan of drool - at all.
But maybe one day I’ll surprise him and bring the ball b
How is your week going so far? This pretty much sums up mine.
No, I don’t know why I lick pillows.
Yes, it’s weird.
No, I can’t stop myself.
Yes, I do hate getting caught in the act.
I feel like Madame is judging me. We all have our little foibles, don’t we? And out of all the terrible things I could be doing when Madame isn’t paying attention, pillow licking seems pretty innocuous.
If only I could look less guilty while doing it. At least I’ve mastered the side eye. That’s something, isn’t it?
And if you want to lick something strange today, go for it. I know I will.
Have a great Monday, friends!
#caponethedog #labradork
Madame likes to sit outside and enjoy the cool summer mornings before it gets all hot and sticky. I have one problem with this plan.
The birdies.
I hate the birdies. They drive me bonkers. They tweet and flap their wings and startle me. And in the morning, it’s birdie chaos out back.
If you put on the sound, you can hear all the tweeting. There’s more tweeting in our backyard on a summer morning than there is on Twitter, for Pete’s sake. It’s a bird song cacophony.
And it brings out the wild bird dog in me. This morning, I almost caught two pigeons who dared to coo on the path near our garage. And by “almost” I mean I would have caught them if I had faster reflexes and hadn’t tripped on the hose as I ran out the door.
Freaking pigeons.
I was so close. And by “close,” I mean, I was about 2 feet away from catching them. That’s “close” in my book.
Truth be told, normally I don’t get within 5 feet of them, but they just don’t seem scared of me anymore. I think I’ve lost my edge. When I rush outside, in my super intimidating version of attack dog mode, they look at me like, “Oh. You again?”
It’s horrible.
Being an 80 pound dog used to mean something. I think word has gotten around to all the birds in the vicinity that our yard is a safe space. Kind of a sanctuary city. It’s that way for bunnies too.
I feel so weak. So impotent. I mean, technically, I’ve been impotent for a while now (ever since my snip-snip surgery), but now I feel really impotent. Like I have no power. No authority. I feel like an embarrassment to the bird dog community.
I am descended from hunters. Now, even the pigeons are laughing at me. It’s humiliating.
Misery, thy name is Capone.
It’s going to be a long summer.
#caponethedog #labradork #birddog #summer
How things are going …
Little Moonbeam is definitely crawling, and I seem to be her prime target destination. Whenever she crawls, she heads straight toward me.
I bark at all the worst times, like when Madame is putting the baby down for her nap. I enjoy hitting that critical moment when Moonbeam has just fallen asleep, and waking the baby for no reason.
We stayed over last night. The baby woke up at 3:30 am and she was ready to party. Luke and I were also ready to party, and by that I mean eat breakfast, go outside, and cause chaos.
The baby went back to sleep at 5 am. Luke also went back to sleep at 5 am. I did not. From 5-6:30(when the baby woke again), I whined and tried to convince Madame to get up.
To quote the movie “Moonstruck,” I tried to tell her “You can sleep when you’re dead.” Madame loves that movie, but she also loves sleeping. She called me some names I’ve never heard before. Creative names. Names I cannot share here because this is a PG-rated page.
I tried very hard to convince Madame that Luke and I deserved a second breakfast at 6:30. I thought maybe she could have forgotten about the 3:30 am feeding. Sadly, she did not.
Madame looks like she was hit by a truck - a hairy, black, 80 lb truck. The baby was no problem. I was the problem.
Sigh.
I see naps in our future today. I think that much is guaranteed.
Enjoy your Sunday friends!
#caponethedog #labradork #douchecanoe
You asked for it, and you got it. This is Henry sneezing on command. Henry is one amazing pup, and kudos to Mistress Patti’s nephew for teaching him this incredible trick.
Henry now sneezes every time he sees Ben, so it may have gone a step too far. It’s becoming a bit like a sneeze-twitch.
A snitch. 😆
Have a great day everyone!!
#caponethedog #labrador
And now, for your Monday morning viewing pleasure, may I present “Sleeping Dog Dreaming of Chasing Rabbits With Nocturnal Barking Noises.”
It’s sure to be a hit. Who would not enjoy the sounds of my sleep-barking? It’s so soft and adorable.
I’m exhausted. Taking care of four humans all weekend was tough. But today Monsieur goes back to work. On Wednesday Honey Bee flies back to Istanbul. And on Sunday the Youngest Son is moving to Michigan to begin his first real job. So, I am exhausted, but I’m not complaining. I’m just trying to enjoy every moment.
Every moment of playing with Monsieur. Every moment of listening to Madame and Honey Bee giggle and chat as they binge-watch the first two seasons of Bridgerton. Every moment of snuggling with the Youngest and hearing him call me, “My boy.”
These are the moments that matter - the ones happening right now. Doggies understand that. We all live in the right now. Humans need to learn.
It’s kind of a gift, this level of mindfulness, isn’t it? And sometimes, when I see Madame noticing my greying snout with a sad expression on her face, I wish I could help her understand. These moments are a gift. I’ll never be as young as I am today. None of us will. Time marches on, so we just have to learn to stop, breathe, and savor the magic of the moment.
That got deeper than intended this morning. I think it’s the cumulative effect of all my birdies leaving the nest one by one. But that’s okay. We want them to fly. And as much as I try to be in the moment, I know I’ll miss them.
I think I’ll go cuddle my boy for a while. Enjoy your day, everyone. I know I will! ☺️
#caponethedog
Good morning!
Everything will soon be back to normal at our house. The Youngest Son and Monsieur took excellent care of me while Madame was on her trip. I survived, and now I’m back to doing my usual tricks - like making love to a silk pillow for no apparent reason.
Sometimes, Madame wishes she could get inside my head and figure out what I’m thinking. Other times I think she’s glad she cannot. I do some weird stuff. I don’t understand most of it myself.
What can I say? I have odd impulses. This morning, I looked at the pillow and thought, “I wonder what that might taste like?”
So I tried it.
It tasted surprisingly good. Then I got locked in licking mode, and went into a sort of trance. It happens sometimes. Nothing strange about that at all. I think I’m orally fixated. And judging by the way I smell butts, I’m probably anally fixated too.
Maybe, I’m just fixated. And I do love to eat. That’s pretty obvious. But I also like to taste. I have a curious tongue, and this morning it was curious about the pillow.
It's not that strange, you know. Humans enjoy wine tastings. And beer tastings. And other tastings. I like pillow tasting. That’s my tasting menu. And I find it very soothing and relaxing as well.
The next person who falls asleep on our couch and uses this pillow is going to get a treat. It’s probably a good thing Monsieur doesn’t nap on the couch. It’s also a good thing if he doesn’t see this video. It might gross him out.
Happy Wednesday everyone! Enjoy your day.
#caponethedog #labradork
When one cannot communicate using words, sometimes one must use a nutcracker squeaky toy to get one’s point across. A nutcracker squeaky toy that has (for some inexplicable reason) its bare booty exposed.
I don’t make these toys. Please blame BarkBox. I’m just the consumer of these fine and tasteful products.
Anyway, when Monsieur speaks to me, he often asks me questions, and I believe he fully expects me to answer. I obviously cannot answer, so I grab a squeaky toy, and we both pretend we’re having a conversation. We usually prefer to do this in whichever room Madame is currently occupying, especially if she happens to be working at the time.
Btw, we have many rooms in our house. Choosing the one Madame is in for our noisy frolicking is a conscious choice. We do it on purpose, especially if she has a deadline. We don’t want her to miss out on all the fun.
The other time is grab a toy and start squeaking is if I want to distract Monsieur. Say he’s sitting on the couch, snuggling Madame. I don’t like it when he does that, so I’ll grab a toy and try to lead him away from my property (aka Madame). Oddly enough, it usually works. It’s hard, even for Monsieur, to ignore the lure of a good squeaky toy.
I apologize in advance if the sounds on this video disturb your doggos. They even disturbed me, and I’m the one in the video.
Have a great day, friends!
#caponethedog #labrador
