11/10/2025
“Bigggggg stretch.”
That’s what Madame says every time I do my doggy yoga move. It’s my variation of downward, facing dog, I guess, but Madame cannot stop herself from saying those words every time I do it.
“Biggggg stretch.”
She has other things she says as well. Like every time she takes my collar off at night, she says, “Ooooooh. You is nakey.”
I find this very confusing. I’m naked whether I’m wearing my collar or not. I’m a dog. We don’t wear clothing. The whole thing is ridiculous. Also, she’s a writer. And she teaches writing. But she can’t seem to speak to me using actual correct verb forms. What is up with that?
And when I sneeze? Well, she always blesses me, but it’s in a funny way. She says, “Blessy bless. Oooh. You have da sneezies.”
It’s like she turns into Gollum from “The Lord of the Rings.” But instead of saying, “precious,” she says, “sneezies.”
It’s very strange.
Today, she came to the realization that whenever she sees Moonbeam, she makes the same noises that she does whenever she sees a cute dog when we’re outside. She speaks absolute gibberish. It sounds a bit like, “Ooobooo dooobooo doobeee do.” It is literally the most bizarre thing I have ever heard in my life. I have no idea why she does it. I don’t think she knows either.
The sad thing is, Madame is a linguist. She speaks three languages: English, Japanese, and Turkish. And yet when she sees her own granddaughter, all she can get out is, “Ooobooo dooobooo doobeee do.” It’s very sad.
I’ve got to go. I’ve got the sleepy deepy doodoos. It’s a curse. Pray for me.
Oh, and guess what? Monsieur is even worse. I’m doomed.
