23/11/2025
Dog Trainer Fashion: A Look Nobody Asked For
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This season’s hottest trend? Functional chaos with a hint of eau-de-dog.
✨ Headwear:
A stylishly distressed hat, complete with that signature Vicks VapoRub stain. Not a fashion choice—just the only thing standing between you and a swarm of midges with boundary issues.
👖 Leggings:
Baggy at the knees, because they’ve been through more sits, downs, and “oh god, not the fox poo” squats than any normal fabric should. Consider them “pre-stretched for convenience.”
🦶 Footwear:
Flat feet courtesy of wearing wellies or boots 24/7. Arch support? Never met her. But can we pivot on wet grass like a pro? Absolutely.
🌬️ Complexion:
A chapped, wind-weathered face that says, “Yes, I work outside in all seasons. No, SPF was not enough.” The glow is 80% resilience, 20% extreme gusts.
🧥 Outerwear:
A coat with pockets so cavernous and chaotic they could qualify as a portal. Contents include: three slightly furry treats, two slip leads, six crumpled poo bags, and one mystery item you’re scared to investigate.
🐶 Finishing Touches:
A delicate misting of dog snot from a thousand joyful kisses, plus muddy paw prints arranged in an avant-garde pattern. Couture could never.
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