10/07/2018
We have been MIA for a little while.
Life, sometimes challenging at best.
I have been caretaker to my parents the last few years and the past year...the most difficult I have ever lived through.
My Dad had dementia and his fight was long and hard. As was that of his wife, and me. Alzheimer’s /Dementia is not just damaging to the one fighting it, but the damage it causes the caretakers is an ongoing issue.
It is several months since his passing...my Mom a few months prior and let me just share...
The struggle is real!!!
I placed my Dad when my Mom was so ill, just before her death. I just could not care for the both any longer for she required around the clock care. I looked at all the local memory care homes here in St. Augustine area.
~Safety was the utmost important feature of a home. Many with dementia have wanderlust and love to roam so I was looking for those homes that were a locked down home and inquired about the protocol if and when residents escape...and they do. It was that protocol I was most interested in, that and communication between staff and myself!
They failed, he got out and absolutely no protocol followed. I found him sitting outside covered in f***s from head to toe and urine.
Yes, so lucky he did not wander off and get lost. None of my questions answered.
They did not offer an explanation, or an apology.
Actually, the acting manager blamed...
Me and his behavior...the behavior of a man with Dementia!
Communication was an ongoing issue. They are scripted to tell the residents family “all is well”.
~Cleanliness was important that of the home itself, their private living spaces and the residents themselves.
All is well...that is if residents are easy to handle. Some are not. In the duration in which he resided there were only two employees could get him clean on more of a regular basis...not saying they also did not struggle for he hated being told what to do.
I will give them this, they kept the building clean!
Not him. I often gave them a smidge of a pass...as his health declined, towards the end...there was absolutely no reason for him to have been that dirty.
~experienced staffing was important for ALL stages of the disease. Also, the number of residents per aide.
Failure. Often understaffed!
~diet for he was a picky eater had particular likes and dislikes and had to have his food cut thinly (meats). Remained a proud man until the end and disliked being asked if he wanted his food cut for him...had to come from kitchen that way.
They just seemed to yes me, but yet I never found his food cut, repeatedly fed foods he did not like.
I would request alternatives to be fed to him...sometimes they did, sometimes told no.
I also at the time of placing him gave them a list of likes and dislikes pretty sure no one read that!
Once my Mom was gone I was told the best Avenue was Guardianship and I so regret going down that rd. I don’t recommend and would suggest handling other ways!
I spent close to $60,000.00 of my Parents hard earned money on him residing in a memory care home. Honestly, the amount is absolutely not a complaint and I was so thankful they had a little bit of money and had hoped he could receive better care then he did receive. In having been his care taker...I know all too well how hard a position it is.
Pretty darn sure he did not receive that $$ amount in good quality care during the time he resided in the memory care Home. That is the complaint!
Oh how I wish he did. I tried with meetings with the nurses each and every visit. Talking with the aides. Hospice and myself even tried to improve his care.
Spoke with the lawyer and staff that was handling his guardianship and was told nothing can be done.
Guardianship...lawyers fees (two), drs fees, court fees....oh my.
And still...on going waiting for the courts to end Guardianship, waiting on probate to end and all ties with the law firm handling it.
It added to the unpleasantness of the entire situation.
At a time I was most vulnerable, exhausted I so wanted to do what was right, what would be best for my parents....I meant well and the entire process caused me more grief....I did my best to shield/ protect both from the craziness.
Mom passed away, quietly with me by her side...thanks to Community Hospice.
At the end...when my Dad should have been cared for gently and lovingly there were disagreements, him being found on the floor, filthy...the truth not being told and excuses and lies. Family services involvement finding Neglect...all I wanted was for him to be cared for. Court ordered to remain in a memory care home for that is where the courts thought he would be safest...me running around and visiting other homes, being told the same things by the sales staff....meetings for in home nursing care and aides for I thought it best to not abide by the court order.
Knowing he was dying and seemingly being the only one to actually take notice...heart broken and stressed.
Again, Community Hospice to my recuse.
He passed away clean, peacefully in a quiet clean-setting at Bailey’s family center. I stayed by his side throughout!
Now here I sit, with my silly Golden’s.
Trying to figure out the very best way to lend my voice to a good cause.
With the growing need...for the numbers are increasing of those being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia. Memory care homes popping up all over and the majority are nothing more then assisted living. Nothing wrong with that, early stage would do well in assisted living!
An example....
After three months of my Dad residing at memory care....I noticed his dentures not in his mouth...none of his aides were aware he wore dentures. Never to be seen again...a man struggling with his food intake to begin with, now no dentures nor could I manage to get him to visit a dentist, doubt he could have sat through such a visit!
They just did not seem to understand the effect their lack of care had on him. Could it be they just did not care??
Maybe, just maybe they too struggled...still their lack of communication, their indifference their deflecting and putting the blame on me...spoke volumes to me!!
Money. It’s about the money in the end.
Therapy work for sure...back to training for Benny also an Alzheimer’s Advocate and writing and telling my Dads journey.
Hopefully too, I find the strength or maybe the peace...to finally resume my life, it’s been a few years. Poor pups have been a smidge neglected...to few walks, me being physically and emotionally exhausted....and NO beach romps or other st Augustine adventures.
Maybe a few in our future just maybe, share some fun pics again!
Today’s pics...
Puppy Benny, a big boy now.
Nash to the right and Bailey at the bottom.
