11/12/2025
A word on raising capable children!
I think it’s fair to say that most parents take their children to horse riding lessons, not only because children love ponies but to build confidence and capability.
How does a child become capable? - By having a go!!!
Bear with me, as I put on my teacher’s hat. Before I started the riding school, I was a school teacher for 25 years, so I know a little bit about children and about learning and also about parents.
I know that parents love their children.
I know that parents want their children to succeeed and thrive.
I know that parents want their children to feel confident and capable.
These are all wonderful goals but none of them are achieved by doing things for your children that your children are here to learn how to do for themselves.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that it’s sometimes wise not to be a helicopter parent. Let your children have a go without interference. Let your children make mistakes without pouncing or correcting right away or without taking over and doing it for them. Nobody ever learned by having everything done for them.
Christina and I 100% understand that all parents mean well but we really wish that sometimes parents could step back and let their child be.
We welcome families and we welcome parents. We would not expect the parent of a small child to simply leave them in our care without knowing us and having a relationship of trust with us. But if parents wish to stay and watch their children in action, we would prefer them:
- not to get involved in saddling the ponies
- not to get involved in correcting the children or micromanaging them.
Christina and I have worked with children and ponies for years now. We know our ponies like the back of our hand. We know how children learn. We understand the different kinds of children, the shy ones, the over confident ones, the anxious ones, the fearless ones, the perfectionists, the scatterbrains, the chatter boxes, etc. We’ve met them all and we know how to handle them. We have also worked with many children who have special needs. To us they are all just kids with different personalities and all of them, every single one of them, feels proud and happy when they have mastered a new skill BY THEMSELVES!
- We don’t need loving dads to saddle the pony because the saddle is heavy. We want the child to problem solve how to do it themselves, to grow strong and learn techniques.
- We don’t need loving mums to correct a child for doing this wrong or that wrong. Often times children will self correct if given space.
Here’s a handy little example. When I first started teaching kids how to mount up into the saddle, and the child put the wrong foot in the stirrup, I’d correct the child and say “wrong foot”. This often did not translate to learning. The child would make the same mistake week after week. So I stopped correcting that mistake. I let the child put the wrong foot in the stirrup and waited. Usually, the child would look a bit puzzled, thought about it and tried the other foot. Success! Invariably, the child would not make the mistake again next time. Why? Because they used critical thinking and problem solving. Often times parents want to jump in and say “wrong” in the belief that they are helping their child. They are not.
Obviously, there are situations that require immediate correction and intervention, esp where a child’s or a pony’s safety is concerned but many situations here at Cashmere require minimal parent involvement. We prefer parents to watch from the parent area. We prefer parents not to interfere.
- We want kids to have a go.
- We want kids to make mistakes.
- We want kids to learn that somebody will not always immediately come to their rescue if they aren’t in danger.
- We want kids to learn to gauge how hard they have to try again and again before asking for help.
We have a bit of a running joke here at Cashmere. Christina and I often count how many “Hey Andy….”s we get in any one session. In fact, I’m fairly certain the Hey Andy haunts me in my sleep. 😂 In this day and age of instant gratification, it’s important for children to learn to wait, to see that somebody else is being assisted, to take turns.
Something that makes us particularly happy is when children become so capable at doing their chores, that they can help a newcomer. How cool is that!
Please do not misunderstand us. Parents are always welcome to pat a pony or to get their own horse fix for the week. We just ask that when the children are working, they be given space.
So in the words of Flik from “A Bugs Life” we would like to urge you to “HELP US, DONT HELP US”.
Andy
