Bridgewater Holistics Equine Experiences and Counselling

02/09/2022

01/09/2022

"What we don't talk about..." said Bear, "the things we try to hide from others and ourselves, becomes a shadow that follows us through life. And without thinking, it causes us to blame and hurt those closest to us for things that aren't their fault."
"It doesn't protect them?" asked Rabbit.
"No," said Bear. "In fact, it can affect many generations to come, all because we were only thinking of ourselves."
"Oh..." said Rabbit. "I have some things I need to talk about."
"Me too," said Bear, "I'll put the kettle on."

©Tara Shannon, 2021


***

How do these unspoken words manifest in current and later generations?
In many ways... substance abuse, mental health issues, repeating abuse, chronic illnesses, sexual dysfunction and other interpersonal issues; the list is vast. And many times we just brush it all off as an individual problem with that one person, not thinking about the bigger picture and how their difficulties might be directly related to our own and that talking to each other (and/or a professional) might actually help.

In families dealing with generational trauma, It's not just them, or us -- It's all of us.

16/08/2022

03/08/2022

01/08/2022

‘If you’re not sure what to say,
just say something’.
During times of extreme grief and loss, it’s natural to feel uncomfortable and unsure what to do or say.
Remember this is also ‘you’ dealing with the tragic loss too, trying to figure out where you fit in it all.

Sometimes there is a level of guilt and comparison…
‘oh I’m not family, or I wasn’t as close to them as others, or
I didn’t know them well enough.

Just reach out.

Never be afraid to acknowledge someone’s loss, you can not make it any worse by ‘messing up’ your words.
Those who are grieving are in it. (and maybe that’s you)
It’s their reality and what they are facing every day.

Your words will be comforting at some stage.

It’s far better to say ‘something’ at risk of sounding awkward, than to cross the road in avoidance, just because you feel a bit uncomfortable.

I know it’s hard…
If you’re not sure what to say try this
(If it feels right for you).

‘I’m so sorry, I honestly don’t know what to say’

‘I wish I had the words to make this better, but I don’t’

‘I’m so sorry for your loss’

‘I’m thinking of you all’

‘You are in my thoughts constantly’

‘Please know we are thinking of you’

‘If there is anything I can do please ask’

Give a hug

Drop off food

Send an inbox

Send a text

Send a card

Call

Leave a voicemail

Or simply sit with them, in their mess and pain. Allow yourself to ‘not know what to do or say’ and be ok with not being ok…
for as long as it takes. ♥️

Mandy x

24/07/2022

Keep going.

22/07/2022

"Turn your wipers on."
Yesterday I spent an hour talking with my counselor. There was a time in my life where I assumed I didn't need help, didn't need someone to listen, didn't need clarity. And then, well, life happened. And in all of that happening came a whole bunch of residue that I find hard to identify or let go. Residue.

That's what I told her it felt like - "a build up of residue that is weighing me down."

We talked through stuff.

I shared how I have the hardest time letting go of things because then I fear it will happen to me again.

I shared how I end up trying to fix everything and that the projections of others - true or not true - stick.

I shared how I found it hard to write lately because I've been feeling so bogged down with life stuff and I was worried someone would say, "Isn't this page about joy?" (Which has happened. More than once.)

I shared how I compare and measure myself with the success of others and that sometimes I feel like I fraud because I write about not comparing and there I was - comparing.

I shared how I have anger and hurt trapped deep inside - from others mislabeling me or judging me.

And then, then in a moment that surprised me, she asked me to think about what others might need for their healing journey. She had me specifically focus on several people and asked me to work on forgiving and sending peace and cutting my own cord to them - which dragged me down.

Friends, it was hard. It was hard to forgive, hard to let go, hard to not cling to the stuff.

The residue.

And then it hit me - the residue was distorting my view. Imagine your windshield in the car full of spots and dirt and build up and you forget that you have the power to clean it. That was me. I forgot that it wasn't anyone else's responsibility to clean that residue.

It was mine.

And by being stubborn, by thinking that looking at all of it was a badge of "look what I've dealt with" or whatever, it was only hurting me.

I dared.

I dared to forgive.
I dared to let go.
I dared to clean that residue from my spirit.

And today, today, I see a bit clearer.

Not perfectly - think how it isn't just one swipe of the wipers to clean the glass - it takes work - that's where I am. But the bit of clarity has reminded me of the power of joy.

Joy isn't a given.
Joy isn't easy.

It is in the willingness to look at one's journey, one's story, and to keep moving forward, keeping the vision clean, and letting go.

I hope this reminds you of the power you have in being willing to forgive, to let go and to stop giving the power to heal to others. I hope it encourages you to get help and talk to someone if you need to. I hope it encourages you to know that you are not alone in this journey. I hope it reminds me, even in this crazy busy that we tend to live in that you matter and make a difference.

You are brave.
You are enough.
You are worthy.

Turn your wipers on.

Love,
Rachel

21/07/2022

28/06/2022

“I want to be heard.” said Rabbit.
“Why doesn’t everyone hear me?”
“Because their heads are already full of judgements and ideas about you.” said Bear. “It’s not that they can’t hear you,
it’s that they don’t want to.”
“Should I try saying things in a different way?” asked Rabbit.
“No.” said Bear. “Say things as you always have. Those who matter hear you loud and clear, even when you say nothing at all.”

©Tara Shannon, 2021

23/06/2022

Did you know that researchers have examined what happens to our memory when we take photos on our phones?🤳🏻​​​​​​​​
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I'll admit, I thought that our recall of events would be poorer, if we'd captured it from behind our phones. Turns out I was wrong...in one way.​​​​​​​​
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It appears that we stamp down our visual memory when we take photos of our experiences, but our auditory memory is compromised. We take a mental snapshot of the event but in doing so, we compromise our auditory memory. ​​​​​​​​
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Even participants who thought their photos would be deleted and those who were instructed to “mentally take a photo” showed enhanced visual memory and impaired auditory memory as compared to participants who couldn’t take pictures.​​​​​​​​
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These experiments suggest that photographing our experiences doesn’t outsource our memory so much as it focuses it, tunnelling our attention towards the visual aspects of our experiences and away from others, like what we could hear.​​​​​​​​
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So snap away. Just make sure you don't miss absorbing the moment on your own personal hard drive, whilst you capture it to your phone.​​​​​​​​
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16/06/2022

25/05/2022