Bridgewater Holistics Equine Experiences and Counselling

02/09/2022

01/09/2022

"What we don't talk about..." said Bear, "the things we try to hide from others and ourselves, becomes a shadow that follows us through life. And without thinking, it causes us to blame and hurt those closest to us for things that aren't their fault."
"It doesn't protect them?" asked Rabbit.
"No," said Bear. "In fact, it can affect many generations to come, all because we were only thinking of ourselves."
"Oh..." said Rabbit. "I have some things I need to talk about."
"Me too," said Bear, "I'll put the kettle on."

©Tara Shannon, 2021


***

How do these unspoken words manifest in current and later generations?
In many ways... substance abuse, mental health issues, repeating abuse, chronic illnesses, sexual dysfunction and other interpersonal issues; the list is vast. And many times we just brush it all off as an individual problem with that one person, not thinking about the bigger picture and how their difficulties might be directly related to our own and that talking to each other (and/or a professional) might actually help.

In families dealing with generational trauma, It's not just them, or us -- It's all of us.

03/08/2022

01/08/2022

‘If you’re not sure what to say,
just say something’.
During times of extreme grief and loss, it’s natural to feel uncomfortable and unsure what to do or say.
Remember this is also ‘you’ dealing with the tragic loss too, trying to figure out where you fit in it all.

Sometimes there is a level of guilt and comparison…
‘oh I’m not family, or I wasn’t as close to them as others, or
I didn’t know them well enough.

Just reach out.

Never be afraid to acknowledge someone’s loss, you can not make it any worse by ‘messing up’ your words.
Those who are grieving are in it. (and maybe that’s you)
It’s their reality and what they are facing every day.

Your words will be comforting at some stage.

It’s far better to say ‘something’ at risk of sounding awkward, than to cross the road in avoidance, just because you feel a bit uncomfortable.

I know it’s hard…
If you’re not sure what to say try this
(If it feels right for you).

‘I’m so sorry, I honestly don’t know what to say’

‘I wish I had the words to make this better, but I don’t’

‘I’m so sorry for your loss’

‘I’m thinking of you all’

‘You are in my thoughts constantly’

‘Please know we are thinking of you’

‘If there is anything I can do please ask’

Give a hug

Drop off food

Send an inbox

Send a text

Send a card

Call

Leave a voicemail

Or simply sit with them, in their mess and pain. Allow yourself to ‘not know what to do or say’ and be ok with not being ok…
for as long as it takes. ♥️

Mandy x

24/07/2022

Keep going.

22/07/2022

"Turn your wipers on."
Yesterday I spent an hour talking with my counselor. There was a time in my life where I assumed I didn't need help, didn't need someone to listen, didn't need clarity. And then, well, life happened. And in all of that happening came a whole bunch of residue that I find hard to identify or let go. Residue.

That's what I told her it felt like - "a build up of residue that is weighing me down."

We talked through stuff.

I shared how I have the hardest time letting go of things because then I fear it will happen to me again.

I shared how I end up trying to fix everything and that the projections of others - true or not true - stick.

I shared how I found it hard to write lately because I've been feeling so bogged down with life stuff and I was worried someone would say, "Isn't this page about joy?" (Which has happened. More than once.)

I shared how I compare and measure myself with the success of others and that sometimes I feel like I fraud because I write about not comparing and there I was - comparing.

I shared how I have anger and hurt trapped deep inside - from others mislabeling me or judging me.

And then, then in a moment that surprised me, she asked me to think about what others might need for their healing journey. She had me specifically focus on several people and asked me to work on forgiving and sending peace and cutting my own cord to them - which dragged me down.

Friends, it was hard. It was hard to forgive, hard to let go, hard to not cling to the stuff.

The residue.

And then it hit me - the residue was distorting my view. Imagine your windshield in the car full of spots and dirt and build up and you forget that you have the power to clean it. That was me. I forgot that it wasn't anyone else's responsibility to clean that residue.

It was mine.

And by being stubborn, by thinking that looking at all of it was a badge of "look what I've dealt with" or whatever, it was only hurting me.

I dared.

I dared to forgive.
I dared to let go.
I dared to clean that residue from my spirit.

And today, today, I see a bit clearer.

Not perfectly - think how it isn't just one swipe of the wipers to clean the glass - it takes work - that's where I am. But the bit of clarity has reminded me of the power of joy.

Joy isn't a given.
Joy isn't easy.

It is in the willingness to look at one's journey, one's story, and to keep moving forward, keeping the vision clean, and letting go.

I hope this reminds you of the power you have in being willing to forgive, to let go and to stop giving the power to heal to others. I hope it encourages you to get help and talk to someone if you need to. I hope it encourages you to know that you are not alone in this journey. I hope it reminds me, even in this crazy busy that we tend to live in that you matter and make a difference.

You are brave.
You are enough.
You are worthy.

Turn your wipers on.

Love,
Rachel

21/07/2022

28/06/2022

“I want to be heard.” said Rabbit.
“Why doesn’t everyone hear me?”
“Because their heads are already full of judgements and ideas about you.” said Bear. “It’s not that they can’t hear you,
it’s that they don’t want to.”
“Should I try saying things in a different way?” asked Rabbit.
“No.” said Bear. “Say things as you always have. Those who matter hear you loud and clear, even when you say nothing at all.”

©Tara Shannon, 2021

23/06/2022

Did you know that researchers have examined what happens to our memory when we take photos on our phones?🤳🏻​​​​​​​​
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I'll admit, I thought that our recall of events would be poorer, if we'd captured it from behind our phones. Turns out I was wrong...in one way.​​​​​​​​
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It appears that we stamp down our visual memory when we take photos of our experiences, but our auditory memory is compromised. We take a mental snapshot of the event but in doing so, we compromise our auditory memory. ​​​​​​​​
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Even participants who thought their photos would be deleted and those who were instructed to “mentally take a photo” showed enhanced visual memory and impaired auditory memory as compared to participants who couldn’t take pictures.​​​​​​​​
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These experiments suggest that photographing our experiences doesn’t outsource our memory so much as it focuses it, tunnelling our attention towards the visual aspects of our experiences and away from others, like what we could hear.​​​​​​​​
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So snap away. Just make sure you don't miss absorbing the moment on your own personal hard drive, whilst you capture it to your phone.​​​​​​​​
​​​​​​​​

16/06/2022

25/05/2022

23/05/2022

A tool used to help understand when our nervous system is in different states (we all move through different states). Building awareness of the different states helps create a pause when we move outside of the window of tolerance. Building capacity for a pause is a good first step to staying or returning to the optimal zone that our bodies enjoy.

17/05/2022

“What if my wish never comes true?” asked Rabbit.

“Don't worry yourself about that.” said Bear. “Make yourself so busy with life that you forget about it.”

“What's the point of making a wish then?” asked Rabbit.

“Because a wish can bring a sense of hope to a difficult time.” said Bear. “By saying your wish out loud or with conviction in your heart, you’re giving it life. And while you're out there living, your wish is there, conspiring in the background to come true.”

“But what if it still doesn’t come true?” Rabbit asked again.

“Well,” said Bear, “hopefully a long time from now you'll remember your wish and trace its journey through all your life's experiences; the ups and downs, the places you went, the people you met and how you grew. In the end maybe you’ll discover that that exact wish didn’t come true...”

“That’s sad to think about.” Rabbit interrupted.

“Is it?” asked Bear. “What if that wish was just the start of a journey to something even better? To destinations and possibilities, you never could have imagined? Life isn’t a straight path; it has many twists and turns and side journeys. While that exact wish might not come true, many others might in its place, bringing you right where you’re meant to be.”

©Tara Shannon

09/05/2022

ℹ️🌿 HEALING THE HEARTACHE: HOW HEALING ATTACHMENT WOUNDS CAN HELP BUILD STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS |

You might be struggling in your relationships and can’t figure out why.

You might have this nagging feeling that you are somehow to blame, but you aren’t doing anything “wrong”... you are just so misunderstood.

You might be thinking to yourself, “Relationships are not supposed to be this hard! What is wrong with me?” I can assure you, that if you are asking yourself these questions, you are on the right track and there is nothing “wrong” with you.

https://integrativepsych.co/new-blog/heal-the-heartache-using-attachment-theory

27/04/2022

"What we don't talk about..." said Bear, "the things we try to hide from others and ourselves, becomes a shadow that follows us through life. And without thinking, it causes us to blame and hurt those closest to us for things that aren't their fault."
"It doesn't protect them?" asked Rabbit.
"No," said Bear. "In fact, it can effect many generations to come, all because we were only thinking of ourselves."
"Oh..." said Rabbit. "I have some things I need to talk about."
"Me too," said Bear, "I'll put the kettle on."

©Tara Shannon, 2021


***

How do these unspoken words manifest in current and later generations?
In many ways... substance abuse, mental health issues, repeating abuse, chronic illnesses, sexual dysfunction and other interpersonal issues; the list is vast. And many times we just brush it all off as an individual problem with that one person, not thinking about the bigger picture and how their difficulties might be directly related to our own and that talking to each other (and/or a professional) might actually help.

In families dealing with generational trauma, It's not just them, or us -- It's all of us.

25/04/2022

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder have reduced gray matter volume in areas of the brain related to empathy, preventing them from forming an emotional or limbic bond with others, including their own children. This is also why they don’t experience the heartbreak of breaking up as normal people do. ⁠
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Narcissists don’t attach to others, which is why they can easily form new relationships, while their former partners are left to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts for months or years.⁠
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In many ways, the limbic system can keep non-disordered people attached to their toxic ex-partners. Any form of contact, especially when it’s physical, triggers those same feel-good hormones. That’s why cutting sex– even after you’ve broken up- can be so challenging.
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The brain interprets those experiences as pleasurable and essentially starts to crave them. That’s why you may keep texting, spending time, or even sleeping with your ex- despite your best intentions to move on.⁠
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Breakups aren’t easy, but you’re only reinforcing the brain’s confusion if you keep going back and forth. In addition, the brain will only continue supporting negative messages about loneliness and unlovability. ⁠
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Remember, your limbic system is very smart, but it’s also highly primitive. It’s focused on in-the-moment survival to keep you alive. That doesn’t mean it inherently reinforces the best decisions. ⁠
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Of course, at the present moment, staying with your ex may feel good. But long-term, this decision only creates more pain and problems.⁠
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Fortunately, you can overcome your limbic system. However, doing so requires repeated actions grounded in moving on with your life. In most cases, this means embracing a no-contact approach with your ex. Over time, your brain will catch up to reinforce your decisions.

Learn the applications and theories in all of these areas in the Therapist-Approved narcissistic abuse recovery program., The Essential Break Free Bootcamp.

Details can be found here:

https://bit.ly/3aPxo7N

Your friend on the journey,

Kim