Dr Shelley Appleton Calm Willing Confident Horses

30/11/2025

Perth I am heading your way for two big weeks of Clinics, Lessons & Workshops📣🥰

I am heading back to Perth WA this week for two full weeks of clinics, private lessons and workshops. Perth will always be my heart home, so I am really looking forward to seeing everyone again.

Clinics and private lessons sold out months ago, which is always an enormous honour. There are still a few fence sitting tickets available and they are genuinely one of the best ways to learn. You can sit back, watch, listen and take in the detail without the pressure of being in the arena. There are also a handful of tickets left for the Confidence Connection Workshop.

I delivered the first Confidence Connection Workshop of the year in Sydney this month and it was incredibly well received. This workshop is the most concise unpicking of the many dimensions of confidence in people and horses. Confidence can be understood and it can be explained in a simple practical way with a clear plan.

Here is some of the feedback from Sydney.

➡️“One of the best workshops I have attended. You are a powerful and engaging speaker yet you deliver information in a way that is easy to understand and relatable. The inclusion of your personal stories helped me relate to you as a normal person rather than an expert preaching at me. Including the Confidence and Trust book in the gift bag is a great reinforcement of what we covered.”

➡️“Loved this workshop. I was there to future proof myself so I can hopefully still be riding when I am 70. I do find the social media woo woo stuff gets in my head sometimes but I know it does not help me or my horses so it is great to have you out there calling it out.”

➡️“I knew nothing about you so went in blind which is why I said curiosity and strategy in the first question. You were engaging, enthusiastic and a breath of fresh air for me so thank you.”

➡️“I thought the workshop was excellent as your clinics always are. Your expertise and knowledge are amazing and so is your ability to pass that knowledge on. I just wish I could get to another clinic sooner.”

➡️“Such a motivating workshop that was easy and effective for myself to learn. So grateful. Thank you Shelley for a marvellous day. Your approach was warm and welcoming and it dispelled my nerves. You delivered your message enthusiastically in an easy to understand way.”

For more information about the Perth events and to register, head to the link on my website HERE:

https://www.calmwillingconfidenthorses.com.au/clinics

I cannot wait to see my long term clients, meet new riders and catch up with those who have become brilliant coaches and trainers in their own right.

See you soon Perth ❤

Dr Shelley Appleton provides clinics throughout Australia. Horse and rider clinics are generally two day events and involve one-on-one coaching, group session and an educational workshop each day. Training with Shelley is an investment with the objective of her clinics to set you up with the insig

29/11/2025

Horses Are Easy. People Are Lovely. Perfectionism Is the Real Villain.😈

Horses are straightforward. People are interesting. Perfectionism is the gremlin hiding under the bed chewing through everyone’s self worth.

It shows up in many flavours.
- There is the version that hisses you are a failure and everyone else is doing better.
- There is the one that freezes you completely because trying feels riskier than hiding.
- There is the one that expects instant mastery, then punishes you for being human.
- There is the one that interprets any feedback as a personal attack.
- There is the one that insists you are an imposter who must not be found out.
- There is the one that tells you success is compulsory and you must sprint forever.
- There is the one that whispers you are only valuable if you never stumble.

Perfectionism is that nasty internal commentator that keeps a running scoreboard of your flaws, imagined or otherwise. It steals time, drains energy and replaces joy with anxiety. It convinces you that praise is pity and that failure is fatal. It is astonishingly efficient at turning a simple hobby with your horse into an existential crisis.

I see this monster in riders who desperately want their horse to be a source of balance and identity. Yet the perfectionism beast hovers nearby, muttering warnings, predicting disaster and sabotaging confidence.

Each day I help people outsmart it. I show them how to start small, build a skill, and influence a horse through clarity rather than self punishment. I remind them that learning is messy and that messy is normal. Horses do not need perfect riders. They need consistent ones. They need humans who practise, who breathe, who try again.

Perfectionism poisons horsemanship. That harsh internal voice creates a frustrated rider. The frustrated rider creates a confused horse. The horse reflects it all straight back at us like a very large, very honest mirror.

It takes courage to silence the monster. It takes community to keep going. Surround yourself with people who value the journey, who celebrate effort, who understand that growth comes from showing up rather than showing off.

And when you forget all that, remember this. Your horse is not asking for perfect. Your horse is asking for your effort to try♥️.

This is Collectable Advice Entry 91/365 of my challenge to share good ideas. Please save it, share it and let it enrich your day. If you are a content creator, kindly refrain from copying and pasting it and use your own brains😉

29/11/2025

New Podcast Episode: Ask an Expert with Ride IQ🎙️

My recent conversation with the Ask an Expert team at Ride IQ is now live. I am usually the one behind the microphone doing the interviewing, so it was a nice change to be on the other side of the conversation and share my perspective.

If you are passionate about developing calm, willing, confident horses, this episode offers a clear and practical look at how science, horsemanship, and self-awareness shape real progress.

Also, you might just be curious about me - so listen and find out!

Ride IQ also brings in a range of interesting guests, so it is a series worth subscribing to if you enjoy learning through podcasts.

Episode: How to Unlock Your Horse’s Calm, Willing, and Confident Side
In this episode, recorded on October 7th, 2025, we explore the key factors that influence both horse and rider development.

Highlights include:
12:00 The most common issues I see in the horses I work with
15:30 How I approach working with riders and the challenges they bring
23:40 Rider tendencies that limit progress and how to shift them
34:00 Supporting a horse with poor boundaries or buddy sour behaviour

If you want a grounded, evidence based look at how horses learn, how humans influence that learning, and what it takes to bring out your horse’s best, this conversation will give you plenty to think about.
Come spend an hour with me as we pull apart the horse human partnership and what helps it work well.❤

I am grateful for the Ride IQ team to have me 😃

Link to your favourite podcast platform here:

https://pod.link/1776969830

28/11/2025

Horses, Life and Part X: The Universal Mess No One Escapes

If life came with a user guide, it would probably begin with something like: Welcome. At some point, everything will feel a bit rubbish. This is normal.

The documentary Stutz, created by Jonah Hill, explains this perfectly. Therapist Phil Stutz says life always contains what he calls Part X. Pain, uncertainty, effort. A rolling conveyor belt of challenges that arrive whether you feel ready or not.

And here is the uncomfortable truth. You can be the kindest, most patient, most generous person in your postcode and you will still get your fair share of Part X. Being lovely does not grant immunity from reality.

Once you stop fighting that idea and start accepting it, things get lighter. Not magical unicorn-light, but more like carrying a heavy backpack that finally has the straps adjusted properly.

Horses specialise in teaching this lesson. I meet people every week who are locked in a cycle of conflict with their horse. To them, the horse feels like one giant Part X in hooves. A hobby that was meant to bring joy suddenly becomes a source of stress, fear, guilt or frustration.

Often the problem is not the horse. It is the human resisting the discomfort required to help the horse learn.

Many people want their horse to behave like a wise old movie hero who can somehow sense they are kind and therefore stays calm, steady and compliant with no clear communication. They want their horse to understand them while they avoid understanding the horse.

This never works. People grip the reins tighter because it feels safer, not realising it is the very thing worrying the horse. They avoid using pressure clearly because they do not want to feel bossy, even though the horse actually needs clarity to learn. They want the outcome without going through the messy middle.

Their resistance becomes the horse’s stress. The horse reacts. The human reacts to the reaction. Both end up overwhelmed. It is like two people trying to dance while refusing to learn the steps.

The reality is simple. Conflict is normal. Discomfort is normal. Horses did not evolve to carry humans. They need guidance, repetition and clear communication before they can feel confident and safe with us. Learning to navigate the uncomfortable bits is part of the deal.

And this is the quiet gift horses give us. They treat everyone equally. They do not care about your personality, your job, your past or how good your intentions are. They will hand you Part X again and again until you grow the skills to meet life head on.

And even once you do, they still give you the hardest Part X of all. Goodbye.

And somehow, painfully and beautifully, you learn to survive that too.💔

Collectable Advice Entry 90/365. Crafted with care, caffeine and a sense of duty to help you learn something before the scroll elsewhere. Save it. Share it. Send it to someone who needs a nudge. But if you are a creator who enjoys copy and paste more than creative effort, kindly resist.😎

IMAGE📸: Beautiful photography by Lynn Jenkin ❤

28/11/2025

Who Is In Your Inner Horse Circle?

Let’s talk about the people who stand closest to your horse life. The ones who influence your confidence, your decisions and your sense of what is possible every time you look at your horse (or yourself in the mirror).

Your circle matters.⭕️❤

And sometimes you hear a piece of advice so solid, so undeniably useful, that you feel morally obliged to share it. This is one of those moments.

Look at the people in your horse world and ask yourself a few honest questions.
- Are they the ones who cheer when you make progress, even the tiny kind?
- Do they embrace your thoughts or discoveries?
- Do they listen? Do they motivate?
- Do they help you grow, learn and stay accountable in a way that actually improves life for you and your horse?

Or do they leave you feeling judged, insecure and vaguely convinced you are failing at horse ownership and possibly life?

Mel Robbins has a rule for this - If someone “pains you or drains you,” walk away. Simple. Elegant. Brutally accurate.

Because here is the truth. Your social circle shapes how you think, how you behave and what you believe you are capable of. Sit with people who whinge, flounder or catastrophise and you will join the choir. Sit with people who encourage skill, learning, exploration and responsibility and you will grow.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your riding, your horse and your mental health is to renovate your inner circle. Replace the critics with supporters, the energy vampires with actual humans and the melodramatic doom prophets with someone who has seen you ride and still believes in your potential.

Choose your horse circle wisely. Your horse will thank you. And frankly, so will your nervous system and sense of worth❤️‍🩹.

This is Collectable Advice Entry 89/365, bringing you daily wisdom to save or share. Please enjoy it responsibly and other content creators please resist the urge to copy and paste and pass my work of as your own 😎.

27/11/2025

Is Your Horse Actually Bored, or Just Not Buying What You’re Selling?🫣

People often tell me their horse is “bored” with groundwork, arena work or the general concept of participating in life. As if the horse is standing there with the spiritual energy of a thirteen year old who has just discovered that everything on earth is boring except junk food and avoidance.

But here is the thing - your horse is not bored. Your horse is giving you a performance review of how well you are leading the team. I know - ouch - but bear with me!

Uncomfortable, yes. Fixable, absolutely.

Horses can look bored when our communication is fuzzy, our decisions are questionable or their bodies are quietly whispering “this feels rubbish.” They are not bored. They are demotivated. Which is different in the same way a gentle sigh is different from a full catatonic meltdown.

A few things that rescue the situation.
1️⃣Being so clear, effective and consistent that the horse gets inspired with some clarity.
2️⃣Making decisions that avoid drilling. Perfectionists, this one you need to read FIVE times.
3️⃣Accepting that horses are not born motivated to fulfil your dreams.
4️⃣Checking for the usual suspects: sore feet, ill fitting tack and surfaces designed by someone who hates joints or deep sand torture pits.

Once you get these pieces in place, your horse stops giving you the world weary teenage eye roll 🙄 that says everything is tedious and starts behaving like an animal actually interested in what you are offering.

So the next time your horse presents as “bored”, take it as feedback. Not condemnation. Not a sign that your horse needs a new hobby or you are dreadful person for asking them to leave paddock. Just information that something in your communication, timing, clarity or their physical comfort attention.

Welcome to Collectable Advice Entry 88 of 365, where I gently reveal that your horse is not bored at all, you have a motivation issues and that can be helped (see link in comments), so hit save or share and help someone realise their horse is not channeling their teenagers attitude😆.

IMAGE📸: Sox was not bored, she had ECVM and neurological issues that de-motivated her to move. It was my Reboot process that pin pointed a physical issues to her reluctance.

26/11/2025

The Anti-Regret Guide to Horses, Hormones and Hard Days ❤

There is something wonderfully ridiculous about wanting horses. You imagine partnership and beach gallops. Life gives you mud, rain, flies, wind that rearranges your face, repetition, setbacks, near-death moments and farriers who ghost you. Then your hormones crash the party. Your brain turns to cotton wool, your joints protest and your to-do list becomes a horror film.

So when someone says they are too overwhelmed to work with their horse, I get it. But here is what people forget. The most inspiring horsewomen are not the ones with tidy lives. They are the ones life tried to break. Women who lost loved ones and came back sharper. People who survived cancer or live with it daily and say it taught them how to live. People who crawled out of trauma, chronic disease and hardship and still decided life is worth fighting for. People who woke up after a heart attack and whispered, “I wish I had made different choices.”

They are not superhuman. They just stopped pretending time is infinite. If I am lucky, I have maybe a thousand weeks left with horses. A thousand weeks to be conscious. A thousand weeks to stop letting comfort make the decisions. A thousand weeks is not many.

This is why conscious living matters. Not floating. Planning. Conscious rest is saying, “I am wrecked today. I rest and return Thursday.” Collapse is what happens when you pretend you are fine. Conscious push is the same. Do not wait to feel motivated. Hormones have made motivation unreliable. Use the Mel Robbins five second rule. Five seconds between “I should” and “nah.” Stand up, boots on, walk to the paddock before your brain invents the excuse. Not glamorous. But it works.

You fix your life bit by bit. Not by adding more horses, more clinics or more fantasy goals. Reality is kinder. Look at your time. Look at your energy. Pick one horse. One goal. One impossible task. Do it. Then do the next and clear your chaos.

And now for the uncomfortable part. Check your screen time. If it is creeping toward three hours, you are not too busy. You are quietly donating your life to algorithms that do not care whether you touch your horse again. Meanwhile your horse is in the paddock desperately needing movement and leadership.

Horses do not need perfection. They need try. They need you showing up messy and determined. They need you choosing yourself in small but consistent ways.

No one is coming to save your schedule. You earn confidence. You earn strength. You earn your life with horses by choosing it deliberately. Rest when needed. Push when needed. Plan both. Fight for both. You will never feel ready. Energy comes from effort. Momentum comes from action.

Rise, you glorious creature. Bit by bit. Choice by choice. Boot by boot. Your weeks are limited, and your horse is waiting ❤.

Collectable Advice 87 of 365. Hit SHARE or SAVE… just do not copy and paste 😎

IMAGE📸: Beautiful photograph by Lynn Jenkin

25/11/2025

Troublesome Beliefs and False Affirmations🤔

I recently stumbled across a post claiming that the only way to build a REAL relationship with a horse is to let it sniff you, lick you, rummage through your clothing, and wander into your personal space like an overfamiliar drunk uncle at Christmas.🤮

Apparently, if you do not allow this sacred ritual, you are cold, closed off, and possibly incapable of love.

This idea bothered me for many reasons, starting with the fact that it echoes those outdated instructions on how women should smile politely while being groped to prove they are “friendly.” It is outdated, uncomfortable, and absolutely wrong.🤬

You can form a brilliant relationship with a horse while having clear rules of engagement. Just like you can have strong, healthy relationships with people without letting strangers lick your face on first meeting.

Horses do not need to be glued to your body to get to know you. They have an extraordinary sense of smell, sharp observation, and enough curiosity to investigate you from a respectable distance. If you allow appropriate contact on your terms, the relationship will flourish, not fail.🤓

And we need to stop pretending horses are sweet woodland sprites with no interest in influencing us. Horses run influence experiments on humans constantly, and often without conscious effort. If they can move you, they will. If they can push you, they will. If they can rummage in your jacket, they absolutely will. This is not spiritual bonding. It is opportunistic behaviour from a highly intelligent animal.

I spend my working life untangling partnerships that have descended into full contact wrestling. The horse leans in, the human backs out, the pressure escalates, and suddenly you have a distracted horse, a worn out handler, and a relationship built entirely on misunderstandings and bruises.😕

This is not the magical connection these posts promise.😎

My favourite part though was the comment section. One woman proudly declared that her horses can do whatever they like and that she has the most beautiful relationship. So I checked her profile. One week earlier she had posted in a behaviour group asking for help because her horse was threatening to kick her.🙄

That is a false affirmation. It is when someone publicly endorses an idea to fit in or look virtuous while privately experiencing the complete opposite. Social media is full of them. Lovely stories. Terrible outcomes.🤯

If you have made it this far, here is the takeaway. Do not believe everything you read online. Especially when someone tries to convince you that a horse licking your arm is proof of divine connection and a guarantee they will happily let you do anything with them and never worry or resist.🙄

This is my Collectable Advice 86/365 of my challenge of sharing sensible good ideas.

Please hit SHARE or SAVE but please do not copy and paste ❤

25/11/2025

NEW CANTER THERAPY PODCAST EPISODE IS OUT...

A new episode of the Canter Therapy Podcast is out and this one is a big conversation. Kat and I dive into one of the most hotly debated topics in the horse world: what “freedom” really means for domestic horses and how our beliefs shape their wellbeing.
If you care about evidence based horsemanship, practical decision making and giving horses a life free from unnecessary stress and confusion, this is an episode worth listening to. We talk young horses, feet handling, training choices and the real world consequences of popular ideologies about consent and agency.
You can listen to the full episode here and let us know your thoughts.

📣NEW EPISODE IS UP (WARNING: CONTROVERSIAL)⚠️

Episode 97 of the Canter Therapy Podcast is live: "Freedom To or Freedom From? Rethinking Consent and Care for Horses."

In this episode, Kat shares the story of a spicy young chestnut filly who had learned to use her hind legs as a weapon, and how careful, thoughtful handling changed the trajectory of that horse's life.

From there, we dive into the big ideological split in the horse world:

Is your priority giving horses freedom to choose, consent and say no?

Or is it giving them freedom from pain, stress and chronic insecurity in a human made environment?

We talk consent as a human concept, what horses can and cannot understand, laminitis, barefoot ideology, turnout, cognitive overload for owners and why "caring about everything" often means you cannot help your horse with anything.

If you want a balanced, reality based conversation on welfare, ethics and training, this one is for you.

🎧 Listen now on your favourite podcast platform and let us know which side of the freedom fence you have been sitting on.

HERE is the link for Spotify (also available on Apple Podcasts and more)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Ze7UuRm8f6wiYcsfYrGob?si=rjWq8vPwQIq7MB3V6whVyA

24/11/2025

We Are All Making S**t Up (MSU)

Does this guy look like an expert to you? Probably not. But that is the trouble with horse ideas. The dodgy ones rarely look dodgy. Most of the time they look perfectly sensible, even evolved and enlightened, until you try them and end up emotionally bruised, financially lighter, and with a horse who now considers you a walking safety hazard.

Humans are natural MSU machines. Making s**t up is practically our native language. And in the horse world it really should be a new Olympic equestrian sport. Scroll your social media feed and you will find a buffet of theories, spiritual downloads, opinions, and neuroscience flavoured fairy dust. Some of it is thoughtful. Much of it is an express ticket to Crazy Town. And while I can spot the nonsense quickly, it is much harder for people without my practical experience and background in science and research.

So here are a few red flags that your latest horse guru, speaking with great authority, might be serving you MSU of the unhelpful variety.

1️⃣ Complicated jargon delivered with smug authority.
If someone explains horses using words you would expect to find in an incomprehensible academic word salad, they are not enlightened. They are compensating. The more you understand horses, the simpler everything becomes, not the harder.

2️⃣Anyone who claims everyone else is cruel.
People with real experience become less judgemental over time, not more. If someone positions themselves as the sole kind, ethical being in a world of violent egotists, that says far more about them than about everyone else.

3️⃣Advice so vague it feels mystical yet contradictory enough to make you doubt your sanity.
If you cannot learn it, apply it, or repeat it, it is not a method. It is just MSU. And MSU does not load floats, stop rushing, or fix spooking.

4️⃣An expert who cannot handle questions.
If someone crumbles or claims persecution the moment you ask for clarity, it is not because you are closed minded. It is because their idea collapses under the slightest tap.

5️⃣Anything that humanises horses.
Horses are not humans. They are also not bats, penguins, or therapists. They do not have impostor syndrome or people pleasing tendencies. Viewing horses through a human lens makes your interpretations worse, not wiser.

A huge part of my job is extracting bad MSU from people’s minds so they stop feeling guilty, stop feeling confused, and stop unintentionally frying their horses in chronic stress.

We are all making s**t up to some degree. The art is learning to tell the evidence based helpful s**t from the harmful s**t. And yes, that is now an official category in my teaching, thanks to my client Simone who introduced me to the acronym and gave me a new way to call out nonsense.

This is Collectable Advice Entry 85 of 365 in my challenge. Share this with your friends so you can look each other dead in the eye and say “MSU” before calmly walking away from dodgy advice😆. Hit share or save and gift your circle a handy little acronym for those moments when someone starts believing their own BS😎.

23/11/2025

Stop Babysitting Everyone’s Feelings (Including Your Horse’s)

Do you spend your life scanning people’s faces like supermarket barcode scanner, checking for signs of disappointment, irritation, or emotional turbulence you might have accidentally caused? If so, welcome to emotional monitoring. It’s exhausting, unproductive, and about as effective as trying to stop a storm by shouting at the clouds.

When you take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, two predictable disasters follow. You either contort yourself into a people pleasing pretzel and resent everyone. Or you hand over your emotional power to anyone with a sigh or raised eyebrow and feel controlled and resentful anyway. Either way stress wins.

The antidote is almost offensively simple. Let people feel their feelings. Terrifying, I know, but here’s the kicker. You don’t control their emotional weather. You can be saintly enough to make Mother Teresa look abrasive and they’ll still roll their eyes the moment you turn around. So act with kindness, hold your integrity, speak honestly, and let people experience whatever bubbles up for them. Your job is to manage your own behaviour and emotions, not perform emotional CPR on fully grown adults.

And horses? Same pattern, but with more dramatic consequences because they won’t politely wait until you turn around. They’ll meltdown right in front of you. Taking responsibility for a horse’s emotions looks like avoiding anything that might worry them, analysing every tiny twitch, micromanaging their stress, or obsessing over whether they love you and believe your connection is spiritually significant. All this does is make you inconsistent and teaches the horse to be fragile instead of confident.

A horse learns to canter confidently by cantering. A horse becomes resilient in new environments by experiencing new environments. A horse learns to navigate pressure by meeting a little bit of it, not by having every emotional wobble rescued.

Healthy rules of engagement in life and horsemanship come from letting emotions happen instead of trying to bubble wrap them out of existence. Own your feelings. Let others own theirs. That is where clarity shows up, confidence grows, and real partnership finally has space to exist.

This is Collectable Advice Entry 84 of 365 in my little challenge that may or may not have taken a brief holiday😆. I am dedicated and brave about sharing ideas that actually line up with reality instead of whatever fantasy world social media tries to sell you. Hit save, HIT SHARE, but please resist the urge to copy and paste. It is not cool.