09/12/2020
This, all of this!
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Bomb Proof and other unrealistic expectations…..
Quite a few years ago, I did a consultation with a family whose young dog had growled and snapped at their three-year-old child, when the child had woken the dog from sleep or approached the dog while he as chewing a bone. While there were some other factors that were making the dog feel generally a little anxious and defensive, I made it very clear that the child’s behaviour needed to stop immediately, or she would get bitten sooner or later. I was told this was going to be a problem to implement, because the child was deliberately approaching the dog in order to get a response from the parents. I reiterated that if things continued like this the child would get bitten – 6 weeks later she was bitten in the face. Luckily for her it was not too serious an injury and luckily for the dog there was an extended family member who was willing to adopt him at that point and keep him out of harm’s way.
Stories like this are unfortunately all too common. A popular question in puppy class is “how do I stop my puppy from growling at my child”. My response is always to ask in what context this is happening and the answer is always something like:
When he touches her while she’s sleeping
When she pulls his ears or tail
When he picks her up
When she hugs or kisses him
When he grabs her collar
When we try to explain that this is a child problem, not a dog problem, we get blank stares. Then statements or questions like: Isn’t the dog supposed to tolerate all this? A good dog never growls. My previous dog allowed my children to climb all over her. How am I supposed to make sure visiting children don’t do any of this? But my children don’t listen or they are too young to understand. A dog that is around kids should be bomb-proof, surely?
Here’s the thing – there is no such thing as a bomb-proof dog. Some dogs are more tolerant than others, yes. Some dogs feel less threatened or anxious about certain invasions of their space, yes. Some dogs are also a lot more shut down and have given up trying to express when they are uncomfortable, because of punishment. But ALL dogs have their limits. All dogs will get to a point where if they are pushed too far, they will use aggression to make someone back off and leave them alone. Those dogs that have been allowed to express their feelings and have had subtle displays of discomfort (looking away, moving away, growling) respected will be far more likely to give plenty of warning when pushed too far. Those who have found that telling people how they feel results in bad things happening, will not. They will be more likely to go straight to a bite.
If you want your child to be safe around your dog, train your child how to behave. Teach your child to respect your dog’s space and their body. Don’t allow your child unsupervised access to your dog. And just as importantly, listen to your dog’s warnings: Don’t punish them for politely letting you know that they don’t like something. If they are uncomfortable with having your child anywhere near them, then please get help from a behaviour practitioner who will show you how to create better associations with your child for your dog. If your dog doesn’t like your child, most of the time it is because of what your child is doing to your dog, whether they intend harm or not. If you think it is hard to teach your child or get across to them what they should and should not do, what chance have you got trying to explain this to another species? Instead of expecting a dog to be something other than a dog, first educate and manage your child.