20/05/2022
"Should my child be present during our family pet's euthanasia?"
This is a question I get a lot. My personal opinion is based on my professional experience and my own further research. While there is no hard and fast answer, you know your child better than anyone and it is completely your choice.
Before making this decision it is good to consider the following questions:
1. Does your child want to be present, or do they seem scared of the process? Bear in mind that a home-based euthanasia is usually a very calm and peaceful process. Some children may benefit from seeing how peaceful it is first hand rather than a preconceived idea they may have developed from movies or on TV. When I perform a euthanasia, all pets are given a sedative which will mean that they relax over about 3-10mins until they are so comfortable that they just want to stay in their bed. Do be aware that the sedative is given as a small injection, just like a vaccination at the vet practice. Some family members may wish to leave once their pet has relaxed rather than staying to the end.
2. Is your child old enough/mature enough to witness the passing of a beloved pet as it is happening and then process and talk about it afterwards? Or would you prefer to that they aren’t present and control the delivery of information for them to process?
3. How has your child been during vet visits in the past? If they get stressed then they may need extra support during your pet’s euthanasia.
Whether or not the child will be present at the time, I feel it is best to start talking to them about euthanasia before your pet passes. This gives them a chance to start thinking about it and ask questions they may have prior to the euthanasia and it gives them a chance to say goodbye in their own way. Make sure that your child is well supported and ask them about their feelings before and after the euthanasia so you can discuss, validate and support their feelings.
It is also important to let your child know why the decision is being made in terms that they understand. While they may not understand the pet’s medical diagnosis, telling your child that your pet “is sick and can’t get better”, or “is in pain that will only get worse” may be more appropriate terms. Be sure to point out to them that it is different to transient illnesses like when they catch a cold or get an upset tummy.
When talking to younger children, using the phrase "put to sleep" can be confusing and cause mixed interpretations about their own bedtime. Using other phrases they can understand such as "put down" or "euthanise" can be more appropriate based on your child's comprehension.
Helping your child cope with the passing of a pet:
While I am not a psychologist, there are some things that other owners have done to help their children through the grief that they have shared with me, including:
- Writing a letter/making a drawing for their pet that will go with them when they pass
- Making a scrapbook of photos of their pet
- Raising money to donate to an animal shelter in memory of their pet (this can help make something positive come out of what is often a sad time for a family)
Giving children an opportunity to see how adults cope with grief and showing them that being sad is okay can help prepare them for their own future challenges in life. Supporting children through their feelings during a difficult time can actually be an opportunity for them to develop important life tools and resilience.
Whether or not you decide it is appropriate for your child to be present when your pet passes, I will of course support your decision and am more than happy to talk through the pros and cons of both approaches. Because it is such a focal time in their life, as their parent it is of course your decision to make as you know your child better than anyone.
Dr David Kahl BVSc - At Home Pet Euthanasia
www.athomepeteuthanasia.com.au
