12/17/2024
The 3-3-3 rule needs to be ditched.
I like to say…every dog is an individual. It takes as long as it takes.
The 3-3-3 Rule
This piece of information is usually shared with good intentions which I appreciate and understand.
However, my personal opinion is that we really need to ditch and rethink this " saying" as it can have the potential to do more harm than good.
3 Days
Decompression is referring to a period of time where our goal as guardians is to manage and adapt situations so a dogs stress levels start to reduce.
This might look like avoidance, leaving the dog alone, being there more for them etc, being there but not touching them, it's not about anything other than how can we give the dog what THEY need to just take a break and breath.
The neural pathways in the brain related to certain feelings need a break from constantly firing up and being triggered and we need to learn how to achieve this.
This takes time, normally way more than 3 days even for pretty resilient dogs.
For some dogs it can be 14 days, 30 days, 60 days, for some dogs longer!
The 3 day rule for me is the one that has the most potential to set new guardians up to feel like they are failing.
Especially when from an adopters perspective its likely, they have wanted to help a dog in need and often hope that with care and love every dog will forget their worries and thrive, some do, but for those that dont?
I can understand the feeling of frustration and even rejection in some cases when months down the line the dog is still struggling.
This phase for me is THE MOST CRITICAL and should have no time limits.
3 Weeks
Described as a dog settling into routines.
For some, especially dogs who are anxious or fearful they are likely to learn your routines much quicker than 3 weeks.
Anxiety craves predictability and nearly every dog I've had the pleasure of working with to date who were experiencing anxiety were experts as second guessing routines and preempting what's coming next.
Again each dog will take whatever time they need to get into a routine. Interestingly, most information I have read says " to settle into YOUR routine.
I just want to address that some dogs will require YOUR routine to change , some won't, again don't put this into a box, look at the individual dog.
3 Months
This period is described as the dog feeling settled and secure and ready to ' take on a bit more"
I am sure there are many amazing guardians out there who will give you various lengths of time it took or they are still working towards.
Some dogs will walk into your life like they have always been with you, Ive had this happen with my lurcher, some will take a few weeks, a few months, some dogs will always struggle.
When we are giving these fit in a box timeframes are we trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
I try to think about what we could potentionally be setting the new guardian up to feel when the dog isn't decompressing as quickly as expected or hitting these markers?
Arming guardians with good honest information where the focus is not time frames or exceptions, but focuses primarily on what that dogs needs to feel safe and build trust is paramount.
How do guardians recognise how their dog is feeling, are they armed with a basic observation framework to correctly gather information?
Instead if 3-3-3 we need to focus on " I Am Me"