07/04/2023
I had a great conversation with a gal who happens to be ‘the wife of’ a professional trainer. She’s a lot more than that, by the way.
For years, she’s taught her share of lessons, put on the scary rides, done the public relations, cleaned stalls, doctored horses, sent Christmas and Get Well cards, kept books and run the office, assisted with breedings, kept house and all the paperwork, made meals, done laundry, worked jobs in town, raised her kids alone much of the time, answered the phone, soothed nervous clients, hauled and shown her own horses, counted pennies and supported an often worn-out or injured husband, lived out of a trailer months on end, all the while home schooling the kids… I could go on but I won’t.
She had an interesting take on being a parent of kids who ride and some of her observations hold true for all of us.
First off, there’s a lot of pressure on the kids of professional riders, both from outsiders and a lot of the time, from Mom and Dad.
“Who’s going to admire a pro whose own kids can’t do the job and win?” Consequently, a lot of kids who grow up in the richest riding environments imaginable, walk away from the life as soon as they are able. Turns out, there are very good reasons why.
She pointed out that as a parent, we need to remember that riding isn’t everything; it’s our dream but it maybe isn’t the dream of our children. When the living is made 24/7 at the barn and arena, it’s hard to nurture outside interests and friendships, let alone take holidays. She though it was important to try as best one could, letting the kids learn sports and music, just seeing how other people live.
She talked about finding the horses that carried her kids as they grew and surprisingly, cited the cobbler’s barefoot children as an example. In her opinion, most trainers are too busy earning a living to school up horses for their own kids. Because money in many horse families is tight, even though they’re daily handling animals of huge value, it can be hard buying horses and ponies that are good enough to represent, never mind teaching the kids skills they need to know and stay safe.
She recommended always keeping an eye open, always watching what other people’s children were currently riding, what they’d soon outgrow. She also said that while it was tempting to put children on show horses, or ones from the amateur-friendly string, they need to be the sort that kids can play on by the hour. Very forgiving horses who would keep children safe, but were perhaps beyond campaigning any more.
Her youngest rides a 26-year-old horse, one kept healthy with fervent prayer and a lot of upkeep. “He’s a treasure and well worth it!” she laughed. She pointed out that good, loving care along with a smiling little rider, were the best ways to ‘pretty up’ any sort of kid’s show horse. Like so many of us, she’d learned that when tiny riders are involved, there is huge value in a good heart and correct training and not so much, in a pretty face.
Finally, if the child of a horsey family proved keen, it was usually a good idea to find an outside pro for teaching. Her husband, the soul of patience with horses and clients, could have a short fuse with his own kids at the end of the day. Hauling to and paying someone else for lessons was the best way to preserve the family unit. Allowing the kids to try a discipline other than their own specialty made it a learning opportunity for everyone, she said.
So what, if the reined cowhorse kid goes to the jumper barn? The dressage rider’s daughter is welcome to try barrel racing, or… For in the big picture, it’s the horsemanship and experience with animals that counts, rather than how they get there.
Finally, there is now encouragement for girls that sometimes wasn’t there, back when we were kids.
If the daughter so desires, she will be cheered to go on and become a trainer, herself, rather than to marry one. To apprentice with a worthy mentor, with an aim to going on her own some day… and not as another gifted rider who married into the job. This equality of equine professionals, particularly in the western world, has been slower to catch on, perhaps, than in other realms.
Either way, that her children would be encouraged to go and do something else entirely, if the business of horses wasn’t for them. For it’s a demanding life and you must love it with every fibre of your being, if you are to survive. Even then, there will be days when you are wholly sick and tired of people and their horse problems, she laughed.
After we’d said so long, I thought about our conversation. The experiences of this pro trainer’s family weren’t so very different from the rest of us! We keep them safe, mount them as best we can and then, we let the kids play and have fun. Whatever the fashion, whatever our discipline, whether or not we’re horse industry professionals, her words hold some sound advice.
