06/09/2021
Besides this being a long paragraph and with TEARFUL CONTENT.. to me anyways..I hope someone reads- for his sake...
On Sunday May 16th I spent my last teary-eyed night with BigBoy- my precious Boxer/Pitbull of over 15 years old. Some of you have met him so you can attest when I say there was something incredibly unique about this dog. He wasn’t a dog he was more, he was the very reason the human being fell in love with the dog. I can’t tell you how many people he won over who were even terrified of big dogs let alone pitbulls. He was much a champion of dignity and devotion, because of that his last day was filled with touring around making social calls, lounging in the park in the sun eating sooo much pizza( he actually puked a bit 😂)
Going for long walks, wading the ponds after ducks, drinking pond water ( 🙄🤷🏻♀️ oh well now) then he relaxed in the back of the car with the hatch open and watched all the animals and horses outside the vet enjoying the view in the sun. We scratched him throughly- he was thrilled.
Now at the vet ( Ponoka Veterinary Clinics - which I heartily recommend, honestly a price that was an astounding, and such a comfort not to be gouged at such an emotional time..although I would’ve liked to couch to sit with him on instead of the floor. But I didn’t care the floor was were I picked him first up off of, then I could return him there.) they called us in. The vet was a kind man and to my pride He did remark that big boy was actually quite good shape for being his age, he had never seen a boxer live past eight or nine- that they were often described as bright shooting stars that burned out quick. This made me really happy for some reason that I got him for so long. ( His dad was a champion CKC/ UKC boxer and mom a healthy strapping Pitbull, they obviously produced the best both genes.)
Before the procedure the vet explain the two shot injections would affect him as such.
1.) a strong sedative.. he didn’t like the pinch as it stung a bit but he was tough as usual and onky squirmed to check and make sure there was no 🐝 The vet assured us that this would put him into a deep anaesthetic like sleep, but he may be able to hear me on a subconscious level but he would not feel what was happening to his body in the next injection.. this was unlike my previous experiences back in the day ( 30+ years ago ) it was one needle the dog was asleep in 40 seconds to 1 min at the most. Then 10 years ago they gave one injection to my other dog he began to pant like a hot summer day looking happy with that pitty smile ..for about 10 minutes as it took affect. Then after second injection he was asleep almost instantly and then gone.
My Big boy was physically very tired, I could tell My how quickly and happily almost he closed his eyes and gave into the deep breathing of relaxation. Getting slower and slower.
He was sleeping.
Now the hard part, no coming back - the Vet asked if I was ready, acknowledging to me that the question is loaded-and that no one really is. I managed to look him in the eyes and say yes. Still hoping somehow for a miracle of some sort to stop this from happening to him… or rather selfishly to me. 😔
I held his head on my lap, as it was happening I kept telling him as he was going it's ok, don't be scared.
Then at the very end as it almost seemed he was struggling mentally a bit to stay.. I leaned in as close as I could & whispered to him," it's ok Big Boy, you can go now .. you can go .”
Ironically then at that moment it seemed he knew it was ok to go, breathed his last and went... job done he was free to play forever.
And I broke, I broke so hard my heart shattered.
I held him till he went cold and I knew I had to leave. I just wanted him to feel himself being held as he went. Knowing I was there till the last moment…and maybe if his doggy ghost could see me, I wanted him to know/ to see and hear how much he meant. How Much I will miss him so. He truly was my constant emotional rock through everything- my bad marriage, divorce the works, he was all I had left, and now I felt so alone in a room of concerned and likewise grieving people he had known.
Most of you of this page can say you were lucky enough to have met him too, attesting when I say there was something incredibly unique about this dog. He wasn’t a dog he was more, he was the very reason the human being fell in love with the dog in the first place-I can’t tell you how many people he won over who were even terrified of big dogs let alone pitbulls. Walking out that door leaving you On the floor like that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It felt so wrong I wish I could’ve taken you with me I wish you could’ve died in my bed with my arms around you holding you like puppy again. But we were inbetween homes my old friend and that was not ment to be and I’m sorry…