05/28/2024
https://www.theplaidhorse.com/2023/12/04/10-mindset-tips-to-help-us-through-when-life-gets-hard/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR20kqlNKwcHeh4YnmRW-XHQvmgCuHbHyljAFKB2nRg_UuBDOxufbI85GHE_aem_AYvAhjNVdvOp9lTsfWn31vYGgRAbSTYQUTURJu8sApsYtSjHaGsgj6Fr3XHbky9y9lmrvbWv8VT87qbh_okSqB40
On April 27th (the day before my 30th birthday LOL!) I fell off of my five year old thoroughbred DanDan after he bolted during a riding lesson. As I tell all of my students, every fall teaches us something about our riding, ourselves, and our horses. The important part (after safety and making sure we're okay) is keeping our curiosity of the situation.
I have fallen off MANY times in my riding career, when I was 11 and showing a trainers pony one summer I fell off 12 times between shows and lessons. I learned a lot, specifically how to not look down before jumps, how to keep weight on my feet so I didn't get caught off balance if he ducked out, and much more regarding jumping. After taking time off from horses between high school and university once I came back I proceeded to fall off twice again when getting my old boy back into shape. So typically, I am fairly un-phazed when it comes to hitting the dirt.
However, this most recent fall hit my confidence the hardest. For the first time in a long time I was a bit afraid, and I couldn't really decipher why at first. DanDan is by nature a curious and fairly gentle soul, our partnership is already a strong. He is however, five, still learning, and a thoroughbred. Their fast twitch muscles, even if they are unraced, make them a powerhouse of speed when they choose. I came to realize my fear wasn't of hitting the dirt (though it does hurt more than when you're 12 let me tell ya), but of the original moments where I lost control of his bolt.
The speed and power DanDan offered that day took me by surprise, I had felt his tension prior, but did not make the correct decisions in helping him through nor did I react soon enough to the bolt. When I did react, looking back now, I reacted with fear and tension which are not helpful with most horses, but I would argue particularly with thoroughbreds. Though I attempted a one rein stop, he had already gained too much speed and his body had too much adrenaline powering him though I brought him back it was not enough to prevent him from powering through. The experience for me, highlighted that I had little control over this thousand pound animal (obvious I know, but when you work well together you do forget how weak you are in comparison) and that gave me a fear response.
Fear, though we despise it, is incredibly natural AND essential for us. Our fear responses literally evolved to keep us alive, and for humans part of keeping us alive means control. Many of our fears responses with our horses come out as controlling behaviours you have likely seen: tight elbows and upper bodies attempting to forcibly bring horses back under control even though tension on the bit will actually *increase* speed, stronger bits in less experienced hands that create more tension through the head and neck, tight lower bodies slamming into the back, clamped knees/hips leading to a hunched position, and more. The issue with all of these (outside of the fact they are usually uncomfortable for the riders), is that they actually lead to fear responses in horses. Which activivates their parasympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response) and thus leads to further unwanted behaviours due to adrenaline being pumped into their bodies for survival.
Looking back now, I can tell you exactly what happened in myself to result in both the bolt and the fall. I think, as they was a lot happening that day, something outside the arena triggered the fear response but my lack of awareness led to the bolt. My further fear response did not help the bolt, also my lack of body strength and flexibility. Instead of popping up off my horses back and riding through the bolt I had no seat and no weight on my stirrups. I did attempt to help soothe DanDan with my voice but I had such a tight grip on the reins and using them for balance I don't think it fully broke through the adrenaline overload.
What proceeded after the fall was a lot of frustration, guilt, anger, and sadness. Particularly because I was feeling all of those things as I usually don't. My fear response was shutting down my curiosity, it shut out my enjoyment of horses in general, and focused on worrying about the what if of a bolt again. The nice thing is, after years of counselling and working towards personal growth, I am did manage to use techniques to find my way back to curiosity. Curiosity tells fear that it's okay, to take a back seat, and let us explore our experiences.
Curiosity also brings out our natural playfulness and creativity, both of which I believe entirely necessary to combating fear. For me, this often turns into a reading extraveganza. I combed through everything I could find related to thoroughbreds, bolting, and training young horses. I came to realize many things through this dive into reading materials and videos.
For instance my fear response to the bolt shut down my enjoyment, though natural, won't help my horse come to trust and to relax back down. I began to visualize the bolt again, but this time I focused on how awesome the power of a horse feels. I pictured myself popping up out of my saddle using my core for balance and connecting with DanDan to ride through the bolt rather than trying to shut it down immediately. I pictured myself on DanDan, like I used to do with my other horses, smiling and galloping because it is fun.
I also realized, that though our connection is a strong one, I have not been riding defensively. I ignored communications from DanDan that were more subtle, such as feeling the shortening of his back muscles that precedes his bolting. I have given him too much rein and let my core sit mostly dormant. With all of this I do not mean to ride stronger, but with more flexibility and grace whilst also being ready for unusual movements as young horses do.
Finally, I came to understand that DanDan was shutting down a bit. I had been working towards participating in the Spring Show, as my ultimate goal is to get back in the show ring which I love, but during this push I was ignoring signals from him that indicated he needed more time. That he no longer was fully enjoying being in the ring grinding on certain principles. Eventually, as he matures, this will be less of a problem. As a young horse however, the feeling of being contained and lack of enjoyment can result in shut downs or bursts similar to that (in my experience of myself) of autistic burnout. In this case I made the decision to pull us back, take a break from lessons, and attempt to spend more time trail riding.
I believe riding lessons are a critical part of riding and horsemanship (there is always, always something new to learn), but in this case my horse needed breathing space. DanDan is, frankly, a bit of a creative soul. He is one of the most curious horses I know, and has become braver with training. So for him to have these reactions tells me there is something wrong, and as his owner it is my responsability to listen to him and come up with creative solutions. I know he enjoys trail riding, he particularly likes exploring with me I've found, so I focused on this.
By switching to something he found less mentally draining, I found my way to combatting my fear and enjoying the exploration of training again. We had some massive successes from this! He walked through a pond and we discovered he loves to splash! We also had our first canter on a trail and he did amazing! I also did amazing as he had a moment of bolt, a buck, and another bolt. All of which I rode well and after we connected. I could feel us both thrill as he came anto the bit and felt my competitiveness with my sister and Nyx take over. He responded by leaning into it, using that thoroughbred power to pump us up the hill and nearly overtake them before we came back down to a trot.
By reframing our fear using curiosity, we can overcome it. Fear is a necessary part of our experiences, but when we let it guide us that is when it takes control. So for all of you who may also be experiencing fear I guide you to become curious. Curious about where you feel the fear sitting in your body and then slowly teaching your breath to ease that fear out. Curious about where you feel the tension in your horse and searching out how to help them. Is there pain? Do they lack confidence? Do you need to pull back and continue smaller steps of training until they have confidence again? Use that curiosity and get creative! Maybe they a tense because arena work has become a grind, do you like working in the office 24/7? Switch it up with a trail ride, or maybe even a cross country run!
BY Lilli Biedermann Life is hard. This is normal. Waiting for life to get easier isn’t always an option and even if it is, you’ll miss getting to the top when others get the hard stuff done. So, when life gets tough, what are you going to do? Be the one who handles the hard […]
