06/26/2023
When I was younger, I remember being told, "don't ever stop being you," constantly. It annoyed me a bit honestly because I literally don't know how to be anyone else, plus some of the people who told me that were the same ones who would make fun of me or think I was weird for being myself. I believe in being authentic. As a business owner I have to think about marketing and engagement, social algorithms blah blah blah... but I know that what has gotten me this far is just being myself.
These long form posts are for me to truly bring myself forward, without thinking about all the background noise. Just me, putting my thoughts out there.
Everything I post on here is my opinion, and I want for my audience (feels weird saying that) to understand my opinion is not gospel, it is not "FACT." My feelings around dog training are based within my own values, perspective and are an amalgamation of my life experience, education and view point. My thoughts are applicable to me, how I work with clients & my business, not any other person that exists on this earth. If you find my posts interesting, thought provoking, or bring value and validation to your life, I'm so glad. Welcome! If my posts bring up uncomfortable feelings, or you disagree, Welcome! Feel free to engage, scroll on by, or block me.
A few months ago, I decided to stop using prong & ecollars on my personal dogs; one of which has been trained on both, the other has used a prong. I then decided to stop using them with private clients, then in classes. I also began working to remove other techniques that I no longer believed in using. There are multiple reasons why I chose to do this. Some reasons were experimental, to see if I could, to really test certain aspects of my training abilities. Other reasons were ethical based; I believe that using something that causes pain, discomfort or fear will impact my training negatively and aren't in the best interest of my dogs. The biggest reasons though were personal. I didn't like how my dog reacted to the prong collar, even when used with very light pressure. We can argue I didn't condition it correctly, that maybe she didn't understand what the collar meant, or that I hadn't properly built up her stress tolerance or resilience.
The final reason I chose to make this switch is that I didn't like how I felt when I was operating under a more "balanced" perspective. Depending on which trainer I talked to, some said corrections should have NO emotion behind them, they're matter of fact and simply information to the dog that the behaviour is wrong or unacceptable. Other trainers said ABSOLUTELY emotion should be involved, your dog has to know that you disagree with their behaviour. The words I would use to describe how I felt could be varied depending on the context: tense, rigid, cold, powerful, frustrated, dysregulated, afraid.
I went through yoga teacher training starting in 2020 and it was there that I truly examined my values for the first time. As I've gotten to know myself better and have grown the values have become clearer, more concrete. The best piece of advice I've ever gotten was, "do what brings you peace." and it's from this root that I made the training choices I have.
When I removed the devices I noticed one thing immediately: I felt like I had significantly less to no control and that everyone's eyes were on me, judging. A dog trainer whose dog isn't being perfect?? *GASP* This brought up feelings of vulnerability and fear. What I wanted to do more than anything was put my tools back on and continue on like I always had... but I couldn't because I also saw changes in my dogs right away. My older dog became looser, softer... more comfortable. Our relationship changed the day my perspective shifted on his behaviour and I took a good look at my own behaviour. We weren't giving eachother a hard time; we were having a hard time. The training decisions I had made up to that point with him were based in fear and I can't say I've ever made a good decision from that place. My younger dog is wild, chaotic, Mayhem but I saw her behaviour differently too. She reminded me of me. She has a strong need to communicate and she is by far the smartest dog I've ever had.
At this point I expect the argument to be presented that I am projecting my trauma onto my dogs. Maybe I am, but aren't we all? Every single persons behaviour is determined by their previous experiences, learning history and trauma. We are all projecting our internal stories onto each other and our dogs all of the time.
There have been days and weeks of time that I have questioned this decision. Days where I felt like there was absolutely no progress and that I was the dumbest person on the planet. The messaging I received from parts of the dog world were telling me I was dumb & that what I was doing was dangerous and irresponsible. I know how some of the trainers on the internet and in my life feel about training without tools. Ask my parents, or anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that I have always walked to the beat of my own drum and that I am going to do things MY WAY. So I kept on.
I am aware that my progress is slow. I make mistakes all the time and I have learned so much about managing the environment, being patient & trusting the process. I look at training differently now and any mistakes my dog makes, are mine to own. I am also human. When we get overwhelmed & we don't know what to do, we fall back on what we know best. The awareness I've gained of my own capacity on any given day is life changing outside of dog training.
I'm speaking in ideals and best case scenarios. The world is not best case scenario. Especially when we are learning new skills & building different habits, our capacity changes by the day. Just because I've moved towards a gentler approach doesn't mean I've been perfect. Growth doesn't work like that. Every day I'm analyzing what I can do better, where I can make things easier on my dogs & how I can improve my handling & communication. I also am sure that my dog may have gone through less stress in some scenarios if a clear correction had been made. Confusion is the most aversive experience for dogs and I am sure I've confused my dog when we'd get into a situation that hadn't gone according plan. BUT
everytime this happens I learn something, and I get a little better for next time.
Another argument that will come up is "but what about a truly aggressive dog or the dog only has a week to live or ??" My answer is, I don't know. That's not the situation i'm in, nor do I take on those cases. I have the time, and I'm in no rush. The education for myself & my dog is what's important, not the goal. Everyone is different but in my experience, I thrive when pressure is removed. So I will take the time that it takes.
This weekend I went to a seminar and I was so proud of how well Mayhem did. Given that the week leading up ended up being significantly less than ideal for the both of us she handled herself well. Was she the most impressive dog there? Nope. Did she have the best obedience? Nope. Did we have connection, play & communication the whole time? We sure did. Did the techniques we've been practicing come through? They sure did. Did she give calming signals to other dogs and CHOOSE to disengage from dogs actively reacting to her and check in with me without my direction? She. Sure. Did. She wasn't perfect all weekend, she is still a 16 month old malinois with a handler who is constantly experimenting but I wasn't expecting perfection. I can see that the work we are putting in IS doing something. Following my gut and choosing this path is working.
I think that every handler needs to do what is best for themselves & their dogs and I believe that the community should be accepting & supportive of everyone's path. I'll be sharing our journey with all my mistakes, failures and successes. I'll continue sharing what I see in my dogs, my perspective and how it connects to everything else in my life. If this resonates, I hope you stick around and share your journey too. I wish I started documenting this journey sooner.
Come back tomorrow, I may feel totally different.
