12/07/2023
‘Just be a nice human’! This is something we need more of in our sport!! This is a really good read!! We should all share this!!
BE A NICE HUMAN
by Stacy Threlfall, RHP Member
(Originally published in Dog News)
Last week, per the AKC Registered Handlers ongoing education program, we had a meeting with the topic of social media and how it affects the sport. Quickly the meeting got off topic with people complaining about how Facebook has created a platform for insecure people to hide behind a computer and be nasty, rude or bully one another. My take on it is pretty simple-delete and unfriend. Use Facebook for what you want, create your own environment. Mine consists of dogs we are showing, the occasional funny proverb and lot of pictures of the little men in my life. Facebook content is something, for the most part, you can control and if you create a space of peace and good intentions then you will attract like-minded individuals to your circle of Facebook “friends”.
However, this written piece is not about Facebook. This piece is about a change in the attitude and energy in order to keep the sport we claim to love alive. My 4-year-old son has a shirt that simple states “Be A Nice Human”. That makes you think, even Osh-Kosh can get it, why can’t we? There are many wonderful people in the sport and I choose to surround my close circle with people who are positive and give off good
energy. People who you can call “your people” because they will stick up for you and still be there even long after the dog show is done. However not all new comers to the sport are lucky enough to have such a support system. I have heard countless stories of people dealing with rude parking attendants, setup people, judges, breeders and exhibitors and, as a result, have never come back to the sport. There are LOTS of ways to spend your money…..why pay to go into high school time warp and be talked down to, be made fun of or be bullied? I have been in this sport my whole life and it has taken me till almost 40, with the help of a loving husband and two kids, to be able to stick up for myself. New people who are most likely feeling intimidated by the whole scene and unsure of how things work are not going to let things roll off their back like I have learned to. For the most part they won’t be able to stick up for themselves when they haven’t yet found their place in the sport or know their rights.
I could go on for days with the different facets of how people could be nicer at a dog show, but for the purpose of saving paper I am only going to cover the main few. For example, just this past weekend we had a diverse group of judges on a panel spanning a few days. There were a small handful that even though they didn’t award me more than a red ribbon with multiple charges I showed them, I still walked away
feeling good about the day. It’s not all about the winning and losing. I felt that they did a fair job and pointed to who they liked in their mind and above all LIKED judging the dogs. I saw them treat a young girl in the ring with a Collie with respect and patience. I later learned from her mother that this little girl had picked out this puppy, named her and although was very shy she decided to try and show her herself. I happened to have been by the ring over the span of the weekend when she showed and it warmed my heart to see her confidence grow in her ability and how proud she was of her accomplishment. A simple “good boy” to a dog or a “good morning” with a smile isn’t too much to ask. In fact, it’s not even a forced effort if you are happy with what you’re doing. You can tell they were judging because they care about the sport and they care about the dogs. They were friendly and fair to the new-comers and also to the professionals. This same morning of the show a ring over I had an experience that was a great example for this article. This particular judge walked up to my exhibit on the table and although she should be fresh because its morning and was ten dogs into her assignment, there was no cracking of a smile or a good morning to anyone. I thought to myself, well OK, she’s not a morning person apparently. I continued to hold the dog for exam and do what was asked with showing the bite. The dog was then put on the ground and I had that fleeting panic moment of not knowing if the down and back was straight across or to the corner. I instinctively looked at her very crooked stance with feet one way, torso the other way and head cocked in a different direction and decided this was of no help in my decision. I politely smiled at her and said “Would you like me to go to the corner or straight across”. She snapped back “I’ve been doing the same procedure the whole morning, you need to pay attention (actually did an eye roll) and said. “Go to the corner!”. My inner self screamed, “Come on, lady….we’re not curing cancer here. Get a grip.” However, I picked the lesser of the two evils and politely looked at her and said “Could you just be nice? I politely asked you a question”. Then I went about my merry way on my down and back. However, I left the ring feeling the weight of the negativity that she had just imparted on me. I thought about how the new exhibitor would react to this demeaning commentary and how it may dissuade them from returning the next day.
I have encountered many owner handlers and professional handlers complaining about rude and nasty setup people. This job is taxing and aggravating. Fitting x number of dogs in a confined space while adhering to safety codes is difficult. They must deal with frustrated or confused exhibitors as well. Yet, does it kill them to do it with a smile? A simple explanation as to why someone may need to stack a crate or take a moment to listen to why the person with four Papillons needs to be in a certain area to be able to make it to the ring would help. Instead, I have witnessed childish eye rolling,
flipping of the head, three-word rude sentences and abrupt storming away with the situation unsolved. Is this how an adult, much less professional, deals with others outside of the dog show complex? Or is it because they feel they have the power and the magic hunk of chalk? The men in the orange are the exception to this rule. They show common sense, will come by sporadically to check that everything is well and try
to accommodate everyone. They will even help explain to a show chairman that has many things on their mind why someone may have been accommodated a certain way
in order to better the dog show. They are courteous to new comers as well as people who have been doing this for a long time. Bravo to them.
There are also the handlers. I use the term loosely to describe those professionals who needlessly involve themselves in dramatic situations or behave inappropriately when they see nothing can be personally gained by being cordial. In one case, a lady took her small dog toward the front of the line in a group. Obviously, a novice mistake.
Rather than explain to the lady politely that her dog is slower than those around her and would fit in better a few spaces back, a professional handler made bossy comments at her and all but shoved her out of the way. Before you are rude to a person or get offended you must look at their intentions. Did this woman intend to purposely move ahead of your dog just to screw you up? Was it just because this woman is clearly a malicious jerk? All sources pointed to no on this one. She went in line there because she “thought” that was where she was supposed to go, obviously new to the whole scene. I walked away shaking my head thinking, ”Oh great, now she will either leave dog shows all together or have this bias about the jerk handlers that she has encountered”. What a great representation of our craft, fellow handler! It
doesn’t cost anything, take anything away from your own success or make you less of some magical wizard with dog hair if you can be polite, courteous and thoughtful with ALL mankind that you come across. One true measure of a person is to treat the fast food employee the same as you treat a millionaire client or judge. And no, you’re not fooling anyone with the fake niceties when people are looking.
I touched on only a few small parts of why we are losing people in our sport, why the class of years gone by is dwindling, if not gone already. Part of what grew this sport
into a proud and elite competition has died. Why aren’t we welcoming people? Do we see ourselves as too important, too elite, too above a beginner to smile? Maybe we are
beneath them and we just don’t see it. I can’t, for the life of me, imagine that these people talk to everyone they encounter in daily life with such a demeaning attitude? Are you here for the betterment of the sport or are you here because this is the one way you feel important? Are they rude to their accountant, mechanic, neighbor, husband, kids? Are they feeling so self-important because they have a dog at the end of the lead, a 50-cent badge on or they get to have a chalk gun to mark off grooming spots? A very old Cocker book that I have talks about sportsmanship and has a line in it about “birds don’t soil their own nest, and neither should we”. Why do people like this insist on soiling their own? Good energy and kindness is contagious. If everyone tried to expel more positive energy and positivity into the sport, we would all benefit. Or if you want to simplify it and look at my son’s t-shirt, “JUST BE A NICE HUMAN”.
