06/23/2025
There's so much to say.
17 years ago a friend drove me to the south shore to meet a dog named Tuna. He was wild, hyper, barky and and running around jumping on us. A few days later, June 23, 2009, he was home with me.
He's been gone 6 months and I'm still grieving.
I miss his barking, his destruction of toys, his hu***ng of pillows (his own), his love of sticks, his love of just laying down and sniffing the air, his love of games.
I miss his snoring, the sound of his paws when he walked around, and I miss talking to him, telling him he's a good boy. I miss him sleeping next to me while I worked and coming with me to walk dogs, and being his grumpy self when we had doggy guests staying with us.
You know what I don't think about?
I don't think "I should have corrected him more", "I should have used an e-collar", "I should have je**ed the leash harder", "I should have used more fear and more stress in his training"
In fact, I regret every moment I was ever impatient, or harsh, or stern with him. These moments, though they were few and far between, haunt me. Especially those from the first couple of months because I didn't know anything about dog behaviour or training then.
Another thing that weighs heavily on my mind are the people of Palestine. Those in Gaza have lost everything, many have lost their pets too. But their pets didn't die peacefully, with a sedative and some treats they're not usually allowed to have. If I'm struggling with the loss of Boss, how the f**k are they doing with not just the loss of their pets, but losing friends and family, belongings, mementos, their homes and with the loss just piling on? How do they not just curl up in a ball and sob? How do they keep going through all of this AND starvation, no clean water, no menstrual products, no medication, nothing.
I f**king miss Boss and I recognize that just grieving him is a privilege that millions of people in Palestine, Sudan, Congo don't have. I get to hold Boss' sweater, have a keepsake of his fur, spend time looking at pictures of him.
I get to curl up and do nothing but cry if I don't feel like doing anything.
I get to celebrate his gotcha day.
Happy gotcha day Boss man.