03/20/2025
Consent-based care isn’t optional. It’s everything. And last week, someone I trusted chose to ignore it.
My beautiful, gentle 14-year-old Percy came home from his groomer shaking. She claims to use a force-free, stress-free approach. She does not.
Percy is deaf. He's partially blind. He's frail. And yesterday, someone I trusted to care for him with compassion chose to do the exact opposite.
I can't stop thinking about how scared he must have been.
Here's the thing about operating without force or fear - either you're doing it, or you're not. There's no middle ground. There's no "consent-based and compassionate, except when I'm annoyed or want to get the job done quickly."
We had discussed his boundaries extensively. He doesn't like his paws touched. His nails are sensitive. His muzzle and private areas are off-limits.
She knew I'd rather he come home half groomed than been forced through anything.
She KNEW all this.
And yet, for whatever reason, she did the opposite.
She shaved his entire muzzle. Shaved his private areas. Shaved his feet and clipped his nails. All the things we had explicitly agreed she would NOT do if he showed any discomfort.
To do this she would have HAD to restrain him, to force him, to subjugate him to a process that would have petrified him.
This wasn't an accident. This wasn't a miscommunication. This was a choice.
A choice to prioritize her process over my elderly dog's emotional wellbeing.
A choice to ignore his boundaries because they were inconvenient.
A choice to send a message: "Your dog's comfort doesn't actually matter to me, even though I pretend it does."
When a groomer, vet, trainer or any professional who works with dogs puts the end result above the emotional journey to get there, they are failing that dog.
Full stop.
I would rather have the scruffiest dog in town than know my boy spent even one minute feeling afraid and helpless while someone forced procedures on him.
I'm devastated that I couldn't protect him from this.
That someone who used all the right words - "low stress," "positive," "force-free" - chose to do the exact opposite the moment it became challenging.
When we talk about "consent-based care" for dogs, some people roll their eyes. "It's just a dog," they say. "Sometimes you have to just get things done."
But if you've ever looked into the eyes of a dog who trusts you completely to keep them safe... if you've ever felt the weight of that responsibility... you know.
You know that "just getting it done" isn't good enough. Not even close.
I don't care how perfect a groom looks if it came at the cost of my dog's dignity and trust.
I don't care how convenient it is to force a dog through a procedure instead of taking the time to build trust.
I don't care what anyone thinks about being "precious" with my dog's boundaries.
Because at the end of the day, I'm all Percy has. I'm his voice. I'm his advocate. And I failed him by trusting someone who used kindness as a marketing slogan rather than a genuine commitment.
To every professional working with dogs:
Words matter. Promises matter. But your actions matter most.
If you claim to be "low stress", "no fear" or "force free," but get frustrated when a dog doesn't comply, you're not what you claim to be.
If you advertise gentle handling but prioritize efficiency over emotional wellbeing, you're not what you claim to be.
If you think a result justifies trauma to get there, you're not what you claim to be.
All our dogs deserve better. They deserve practitioners who truly understand that consent isn't optional - it's everything.
You have the right to demand that of every professional in your dog's life.
Percy deserved better. And I'll spend every day making sure he never experiences anything like that again.
Because real love means respecting boundaries, even when it's inconvenient.
Real care means prioritizing emotional wellbeing over results.
Really working without fear isn't just marketing - it's a promise you keep even when no one is watching.
If the process isn’t kind, the result doesn’t matter.
