07/30/2024
I don't want a bond. Because I do not need a horse stuck on me like glue. Bonded like glue.
At the Tokyo Olympics, the FEI had this rather bizarre and kind of cringe marketing campaign called "WE DON'T PLAY". Saying that "real riders" don't play, they compete, they piaffe, they jump etc. Postulating their prowess through the lens of this grim, stoic worship of suffering as something we should aspire to. That they were too serious about their sport to actually have fun. I am not making this up. This was their marketing campaign. And it was a total PR failure in my opinion.
Flash forward to Paris, and the FEI has clearly had some crisis conversations in a board room somewhere. Perhaps a new marketing team has stepped in. I speculate, in an effort to soothe the fried nerves of the "ethical army" that continues to on-look with horror at what they are presenting as peak performance, in an effort to rebrand themselves as horse first, this year their marketing campaign did an about face; A BOND LIKE NO OTHER. A SPORT LIKE NO OTHER.
I don't have to cringe this time. It speaks for itself. And I will not be hypnotised by it.
Miriam Wester offers us the following definitions of BOND.
1. a relationship between people or groups based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences.
"there was a bond of understanding between them"
2. a connection between two surfaces or objects that have been joined together, especially by means of an adhesive substance, heat, or pressure.
"there was no effective bond between the concrete and the steel"
2.
join or be joined by a chemical bond.
"neutral molecules bond to the central atom"
Sure, bond does denote a friendship. But what kind of friendship? All interactions with horses are an exercise in relationship. Some trainers say they are relationship focused, others say they are something-else focused. But the minute we do anything adjacent to another living being, we are in relationship to them. The question is not "Do we have a relationship?". The question really is "WHAT is the QUALITY of that relationship".
I personally don't want a bonded relationship. Because healthy relationships to me include
1. Togetherness
2. Doing the same things together
3. Physical, and emotional closeness, proximity
But also
1. The ability to disconnect, and disagree
2. Doing different things that allow us to maintain our own identity. Having different preferences.
3. Distance, but loving each other anyway
I am not wanting codependence with my horses. Nor do I need them to do everything I ask of them without divergence in order to love them, enjoy their company and succeed in training together with them.
I have been through things with my horses, where if they were co-dependent in their bond to me, it could have killed them, or injured them. Yesterday for example, we got hit with the worst summer storm I have ever seen. I ran out to shutter the shelter windows. And instead of glomming onto me, they ran out into the open, safe from falling trees and limbs. If they bonded to me in the storm, they would have trampled or crushed me when it began to hail and make a horrible noise on the stable roofs. I didn't want them bonded to me. I wanted them to see me, hear me soothe them, but take care of themselves, comforted that I was nearby, and ready to step in as soon as the storm passed.
My farm manager says to me
"When the door to the house opens, the horses immediately look to the house, looking for you"
But they rarely come to meet me unless I explicity invite them to.
Sometimes, when I train and ride, I ask for something and my horses say No Thank You. And they almost always offer something else instead. Sometimes their ideas are even better. Actually, they always are.
But you cannot score an Olympian based on the quality of the horses divergence. Maybe we should. We need new parameters of success. What about a score box entitled
"How Well They Disagree with Each Other"
What about mandating a percentage of disobedience as NORMAL and preferable, and non-penalised? So that competitors and horses do not have to push so hard for perfect bonded obedience?
Just thinking aloud here.
What is the quality of relationship you are looking for with horses?
