19/09/2019
The Trainer You Hate
The trainer you hate, love, respect, shout at, swear at, feel offended by and argue with is the trainer that will never stop pushing you to reach your highest goals.
The relationship between a trainer and their student is an interesting one, which has many facets. It is only natural that such a significant amount of time spent with someone; sharing highs and lows, frustrations and joy, will fuel a relationship that is, let’s face it, very personal. It is important for both - trainer and student - not to confuse this relationship. During training, you are not best friends; you are student and teacher.
Tina’s rules
rule #1: never become “best friend” with your clients.
You will lose a healthy and professional distance, which is essential for remaining an analytic and honest approach. Becoming emotionally involved is dangerous and by doing so you are not only risking your friendship, but also your client. Very unprofessional.
Rule #2: trainers emotions and problems are of no interest!
Obviously you as a trainer are only human and have emotions, challenges and fears too, but this is of NO interest within the strictures of a professional partnership. Your client is paying for a service; not a friend to gossip with or feel sorry for! This is where the fine line must be drawn. Often and understandably a close friendship can develop between trainer and student. It is important, if you want to benefit from the professional side of the relationship, to understand that it would be counterproductive for you – as a client – to be emotionally offended if, for example, after a social event together your trainer switches back into professional mode in a training session the very next morning. You should be grateful for such a clear, structured and focused mind at your disposal!
rule #3: A good trainer will reflect both your skills and weaknesses.
A trainer should be honest. As a student of said trainer, it is important to realize that you have entered into a contract of sorts. You are paying this person to give you advice to the best of their ability – not to tell you how wonderful you are. It is your responsibility, as a student, to take this advice on board and not be offended when you hear something that you may not like. Your trainer does not set out to be cruel, or unkind, but a good trainer will highlight areas that need attention. That is what you are paying them for! You always have a choice whether to take advice on board or not. Don’t get upset. Think and reflect… If you disagree with their approach then fair enough. Move on. Find a trainer that fits you better… but it is important that you are doing this in an analytic approach – not emotionally judged – from a place of honesty with yourself.
rule #4: A good trainer will build your confidence.
By professionally structuring your sessions and being aware of your personal motivations and goals, your trainer will develop in you a trust for and in your work and routine. Seemingly countless repetitions of movements will establish yours and your horse’s technical and physical competence in every detail of those movements. This will enable both you and your horse to complete them easily, even under pressure. Confidence only is the result of feeling in control.
rule #5: A good trainer will always give his / her honest opinion – without judging!
As part of this aforementioned ‘agreement’ between you and your trainer, you must be prepared to swallow your pride and ask any and all questions that you feel necessary. No matter how silly you believe a question to be, never hesitate to ask your trainer. Your trainer is there to analyze your situation, doubts, fears and insecurities with you. Not to answer questions FOR you but WITH you. Your part of this deal is to be open to the answers of the questions that you have asked.
rule #6: A good trainer will push you to your limits.
A good trainer will, as would be expected, test you mentally and physically but will also push you to explore your creativity, flexibility, knowledge and your sensitivity towards your horse. Your trainer will encourage self-analysis and self-discipline all the time expanding your comfort-zone; often without you even realizing it. But – in order to bring you forward – there might be situations of physical pain, exhaustion, when you won’t feel confident enough – you hesitate, question, feel insecure – and your trainer will guide you through your struggle until you grew stronger out of it.
Rule #7: Above all, your trainer should be your security.
Not someone that you are afraid of disappointing, but someone who will be there to guide you and support you through your mistakes and your triumphs, and help you learn and grow as a rider. Ultimately, it is your responsibility to be honest with both yourself and your trainer if you wish to move forward as an equestrian. However, this means taking advice onboard. If you repeatedly ask for advice but repeatedly ignore it, every trainer can be forgiven for questioning whether to continue the partnership!
Rule #8: Your trainer should share your emotions with you, but not their own.
No matter whether joy, sadness, disappointment or anger, your trainer will understand that you are an emotional being and will empathise but must remain professional. You should be given room for your emotions, to a point. A great trainer will often give you the space to vent and yell at them! However, a great trainer will also not take this personally and will guide you in moving past this intense emotion and on to a place where you can move forward. It is important to note that, if your trainer takes an outburst personally, starts gossiping about competitors, trainers, judges, or is letting you into THEIR emotional state, it is time to question whether you want to continue to work with such unprofessionalism.
Rule #9: Your trainer may never be satisfied.
There is ALWAYS room for improvement. Your trainer will not only try and constantly and consistently improve you and your horse; they may also repeatedly question nutrition, supplements, training schedules, focus and much more. Always looking for the smallest opportunity to improve performance is their job. This energy is your drive – be grateful for such a high level of dedication.
Rule #10: be humble and grateful – always!
When you have found the right trainer for you, the relationship should be a great support to you. They will LEAD you if you trust in their decisions. They are the professional and should know when to push you and when to hold back. Your goals will become their goals. They will act like a team manager, advising on farriers, dentists, body workers, vets, even grooms and drivers in order to create the best team around you and your horse to aid you on your route to success. No equestrian is successful alone. Be grateful and show humility towards every member of your equestrian team! You won’t make it without them.
Rule #11: be brave and kind – towards anything and anyone.
Sometimes your trainer has to be brave. In accepting the role of ‘manager’, a trainer’s responsibility becomes ever greater and a willingness to change their mind for the sake of the horse or rider is essential. It is sometimes necessary, if the results of their decisions are not showing the expected success, for the trainer to adapt quickly and restructure the team. This takes strength of character, awareness and flexibility, and the ability to admit mistakes. This takes a strong character and the ability to stand up for one’s own opinions without disrespecting other people. The good trainer is a diplomat to a point and a decisive, confident decision-maker beyond that.
Rule #12: Never justify – except in front of yourself!
In a mirroring of this, you yourself do not have to justify anything to anyone, Especially not to the ‘experts’ sitting outside of the arena. The ringside critics, if you will. You know exactly whom we are talking about here: those with the judgment and the criticism but not actually achieving themselves! No one knows all the setbacks, pain and strength it has taken, to bring you where you are right now! Be authentic to you and your choices and remember: this is YOUR life, YOUR set of choices and YOUR way!!
All-over goal:
The Trainer–Student relationship is a reciprocal one, which can be based in friendship and yet remain highly professional. Overall the Trainer-Student relationship is best when grounded in trust, honesty, self-determination and common goals.
You may hate me – but I will not rest until you have reached YOUR goals!
Tina.
