15/10/2019
The OG Beard, the very first dog, and the reason for, Mutts & Mops.
🖤 Rillaton Grand Floyd 🖤
🖤 6/9/2006 - 14/10/2019 🖤
Rillaton Grand "Sense of Entitlement" Floyd
Rillaton Grand "Opportunist" Floyd
The Weird Beard
Flizzle/Schnizzle/Nizzle/Schnitzel/Strudel
Schnitzel Von Krumm
Flea/Fleabag/Floyd Pie
Floyd Steaks
Chewbacca but Blacker
This/That
The Thing
Nugget
Uncle Floyd
Scruffle pupple
The Worst (as in, Floyd is The Worst)
Silly Old Beard
Dr Beardface (Beardfacé, damnit)
Dr Floydburg
Wonder Boy/Beard
The Rubbish Schnauzer
The Schnauntain Goat
The Dog of Eternal Stench
We said bye to our Floyd today, after a lovely last weekend at home. We buried him under a new sapling of his plum tree, a tree he spent his days rooting around under for plums - to our dismay, because he'd often go too far and get the sh*ts.
When I decided I wanted a standard schnauzer, everyone I chatted to about them WARNED me and told me to go for a mini schnauzer instead. Standards are stubborn, headstrong, noisy and a pain in the arse. Well, I was up for the challenge, and I wanted a chunky, sturdy dog! We were told black standards are quite rare but when we went to see our little litter of Rillatons we were so happy to find they were all black, and all rambunctious. I was fully expecting a puppy full of attitude - we brought home a shivering scaredy little ball of black floof, wth one wonky ear and a cheeky little wagger. He was sick all over himself and his little box, and the front seat of my brand new van (I'd literally got it that day!) I ended up bathing him in the sink and sleeping downstairs with him because I couldn't bear to leave him all shaky and alone. The one time I left him in his puppy den, he got his paw stuck in the baby gate and freaked out. I basically huggggged him for two whole weeks. People say that spoils puppies, but hilariously he turned out to be the most bloody-minded independent butthead of a dog in the whole world.
One day he sauntered across the kitchen and froze when he saw a broken furry lamp that I had left by the bin. That's not meant to be there, wtf is that thing! He was a tiny little fluffball but he let out this huge deep bark, and that was the first sign of Floyd as we know him today. He then went on to eat the stair carpet, stole and ate our glasses and phones, maliciously and carefully bit all the filters off of our ci******es, stole and scoffed whole loaves of bread through muffled beardy wuffs - playbows and scarpers of such cheek when you tried to get it off of him, see also whole blocks of butter... Never reactive, always a quiet growl and a look to me when he was worried. Unless he was doing a concern about Didz, in which case, they'd just deck each other. Floyd was always grudging (and loudly complaining) but trustful of us when it came to brushing, grooming, getting the dreads and matted fur out of his stinky w***y area and drying that minging slimy beard, and all those -it's-for-your-own-good-let-me-see-your-TEEFIES health things. He would always let you take food off of him (once you caught the little sh*tbag). He knew when the banter was over!
Schnauzers are watchdogs, they sit by the door so they can keep an eye on the whole room, and they have to know and be involved in everything that's going on at all times. That was Floyd. Never missed a thing. Always in the way. He also never, ever shut up. If in any sort of doubt, bark. If excited, bark. If there's a thing, bark. And bark some more, just for no reason. If he wasn't barking he was talking. Wah waah waaah. We told him off for 'whingeing' but he wasn't unhappy - just talking, Floyd's gonna Floyd. SHUT UP FLOYD.
He hated thunderstorms and would go all weird and sad-whiny. He once ate two whole rabbits in one afternoon, fur and all. He ran off a cliff and got (gently) hit by two cars because he was a clumsy blundering idiot (especially with Didz snapping at his heels, 'DIDZ HE'S NOT A SHEEP'). He couldn't sit still despite us taking him to the groomers from 6 months old. He refused cuddles, dodged people who wanted to pet him, rolled in all sorts of animal p**p, barked his head off so much in the van it made your ears hurt. OMG FLOYD SHUT UPPPPPP! Walkies weren't walkies, they were Missions. But he was always a good boy really, he was always sociable and lovely to our guest walkies and daycare dogs, always teaching puppies how to dog. When we were out he naturally dodged other people, dogs and livestock, and reliably got back in the car afterwards, so we just let him be his blundering, woofy, sh*t-munching self. He'd skip off across the park when you called him and you could almost hear him going 'ner ner ner-ner ner.' Double the trouble with equally high-energy Didz. Triple with their mate Gypsy. 😁 The number of times those three knocked me flying! A unit of absolute units. Luckily they were all easily bribed with snacks...
He loved his munchies and chewies, his favourite was a whole apple, and foraged for plums off the ground in the garden. He would stick his head in the fridge and bypass the sausages and bacons to steal the broccoli. Weirdo. He would take your damn stuff off the table, right in front of you, you'd warn him, 'Flooooyd, stop being a prick...' - he'd carry on, turning sideways, beard opening slowly, wagger in 'lol' mode, while staring right at you. When you chased him to get it back he'd dance off with it like a little bastard. Such an epic troll sense of humour.
We often threatened to put him in the bin, and more recently, the ugliest urn. Floyd was a force. A force made up of embu**erance. But he was also straight on you and licking your face the moment you shed a tear. I said he probably just liked the taste of the salt but his little wagger would be going and you knew it was his way of being nice. He hugged up close to Anna constantly when she was pregnant and he guarded newborn Devin closely, always nomming his toes with his gross beard and waiting for food to be dropped. He pretended he didn't need stupid humans but he would do the saddest howl sometimes if we went upstairs without him. When he was poorly that scaredy little fluffball puppy would come back out - he wouldn't leave our sides, we had evenings of cuddles while he was stuck in a cone of shame - when he was neutered, when he had a sedation to get a thorn removed from his paw, when he had a tooth out, when he had to have the same damn tooth restitched after a fight with Didz, FFS, when he had a lump removed, and when the big C got his toe. Oh the fuss. Big scaredy baby.
Schnauzers are absolute di*****ds, don't get one. Floyd was The Worst, but also the bestest, maddest, hairiest, stinkiest, silliest most loving boy. We'll miss you so much, the Bestest Beard. Thank you all for your messages of loves today, they're really appreciated. And huge hugs for Steve GG who helped us yesterday.
Love from Floyd's loved (tolerated) ones,
Me, Anna, Jon, Devin and Didz
💕
Floyd Album:
946 new photos added to shared album
