01/01/2026
New year new me… if only it was that simple. If you are waking up this morning reading this feeling a bit deflated reading everyone’s 2025 in reviews posts then yeah… me too. This year has been tough, I have embraced near constant anxiety and ruminating thoughts this year. At a time when everything is meant to be the best thing ever cause of the move I’m still faced with doubt, uncertainty, fear and a general sense that I’m not safe in my own body and it’s really hard. It’s better than it was but a whole year of not having the right help in 2024 and a therapist who genuinely tried to get me to tell me self ‘anxiety isn’t that bad, there are worse things that can happen’ left me with some big patterns to shift. I wish I had met Bev sooner but that wasn’t the path I was meant to take so here we are. I had an anxiety attack last night, the vomiting panic, whole thing, something about the turning of the new year being a sort of shift maybe, how this year after 5 years of hoping and wishing we will actually get to live our dream, but with that comes a lot of pressure and a fear I have is that I’ll move and then I’ll be anxious every day for the rest of my life, why can’t I just be excited, why does my body have to practice such big feelings. It’s not rational but fear isn’t, I’m also scared of sharks in swimming pools it’s just the person I am. So if like me you don’t feel like a brand new person today that’s ok, we aren’t caterpillars that one day emerge into butterfly’s, life evolution takes time and it definitely doesn’t get to fit to some random calendar someone invented a really long time ago. One day I’ll be a big brave butterfly but today I’ll be something else and that’s ok too ❤️