https://www.facebook.com/110256113688848/

Walkies - Dog walking service in East Grinstead

Home
United Kingdom
East Grinstead
Walkies - Dog walking service in East Grinstead

Cool, friendly, enthusiastic dog walker. Insured, DBS checked, and ready to go. Covering East Grinst
(4)

09/01/2024

New dog alert!! He's a cutie, and his name's Bertie.

After the walk we sat in my car, went over a few things, and I got him to fill in his 'new dog' questionaire..

Name - Bertie
Age - Old enough
Birthplace - Not sure
Star Sign - Sagittarius
Height - 33cm
Eyes - Brown
Hair - Yes
Favourite TV Show - Repeats of The Bill on ITV4
Favourite Pop Star - Nik Kershaw and Fatboy Slim
Favourite Food - Curry
Favourite drink - Vodka and coke
Car - Don't drive yet
Girlfriend - Several
Pets - Errr, HELLO??
Best Concert - Coldplay
Favourite City - New York
Politics - Don't get me started
Childhood Hero - Wellard from Eastenders
Likes - Sitting about. Carol Decker from T'Pau.
Dislikes - Playing chess. Call the Midwife. Thatcher

14/12/2023

I sang this to Archie and Mason this afternoon, to the tune of Good King Wenceslas...

You are both such lovely dogs,
You are like my bay-bees.
Try to not get muddy much,
And don't go getting ray-bees.

Tomorrow we're gonna work on the next bit

13/12/2023

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Car Boot Nativity...
..Starring Emmy and Mikey as Mary and Joseph, Esme as Little Baby Jesus, and Pappy, Scamp, and Louis as The Three Wise Pups. Aldi dog treats as gold, frankincense and myrrh. A muddy lay-by in Dormansland as Bethlehem. A Citroen Picasso as the stable...okokayyy, enough, ENOUGH!!

21/11/2023

'Psst!! Hey fatso, come 'ere. Now listen very carefully, I shall say zis only once. My name is Max, ze sausage dog, and I am a master of disguise..'

14/11/2023

Took this photograph today, of Emmy, Lottie, and Mikey.

It's like a sad Victorian family portrait..

08/11/2023

Wednesday, 8th November. 10.56am. Nr Lingfield Station..

Esme - 'Whose idea was this, I'm bloody drenched'
Pappy - 'Me too. This is s**t'
Mikey - 'I'm not going out walking with him anymore'
Pappy - 'Nor me. I might even report him''
Scamp - 'I think it's getting heavier'
Esme - 'what is, the rain, or fatso over there'
Louis - 'for the love of God, man, just take us home'
Scamp - 'My jacket's ruined'
Esme - 'My whole life's ruined'

17/10/2023

Here's some sweet photos of Bailey wrapped up in a grubby towel. He looks like a cross between an Ewok, Mother Teresa, Kenny Rogers in a nativity, and E.T on the front of Elliot's BMX. Yes, of course I'm sending them off for this years Countryfile calendar..

17/10/2023

Here's Lottie and Monty earlier on. They called me fatso when I told them off for getting all muddy, so I cut their heads off and wedged them between the rear headrests..

28/09/2023

Here's Pappy, Esme, and Louis just before todays walk. As you can see, they're all completely obsessed with Peaky Blinders..

13/09/2023

Meet The Hay Bale Bunch. AKA Scamp, Louis, Esme and Pappy. Four crime-solving teenage pups, usually found bombing about on their bmx's, doing wheelies, getting up to mischief, picking up litter, drinking Coca Cola, and looking for treasure..

15/08/2023

Here's Mikey guarding a football he found on this morning's walk. He was very proud of it. 'Look, I'm like one of the Lionesses', he said. 'Paul, if I put on some make up and started ironing, hoovering, and moaning at you all the time, do you think the England manager would think I was a woman and let me play in tomorrow's semi final?'

Needless to say I found Mikey's comment offensive and extremely s*xist, so I kicked the ball into the river and then told him off..

01/08/2023

Paw Patrol 3: Mission to Moscow..

27/07/2023

Took these 5 out this morning. They were all discussing Britpop, and who their favourite Britpop bands were..

Scamp - 'Oasis, obviously. My great grandad saw them play Knebworth'
Esme - 'I liked Sleeper and Catatonia'
Pappy - 'Blur. Sorry Louis, but they p**s all over Oasis'
Emmy - 'Definitely Supergrass. So underrated'
Scamp - 'Louis, you've gone a bit quiet. Come on, who was your favourite?'

** then Louis sucked his cheeks in, flicked his invisible fringe about, and started singing this... **

'She came from Crufts she had a thirst for knowledge
She studied Recall at St Martins college, that's where I, caught her eye

She told me that her owner was loaded
I said in that case I'll have Pedigree Chum, she said fine
And then in 30 seconds time, she said

I wanna live like common doggies
I wanna do whatever common doggies do
Wanna sleep with common doggies
Wanna sleep with common doggies like you
Oh, what else could I do
I said, I think I need a poo

I took her to a super dog field
I don't know why
but I had to play fetch somewhere
So it started there...'

25/07/2023

Took Galahad out today for the first time in agesssss. It was lovely. We went over to Mount Noddy, and round the cemetery, listened to the early morning birdsong, spoke to some Daily Mail readers, and had a rest in the compass garden. I took a nice photo of him - see below. But then he suddenly turned, pushed me up against a wall, twisted my arm up behind my back, and whispered in my ear 'listen, fatso, if you don't send that photo off to Cubitt & West and get me on one of their For Sale signs by the end of the month then I'm gonna break every bone in your pathetic body'..

15/07/2023

Yesterday Bella and new dog Monty found a corner sofa in the middle of the woods..

Bella - 'This is like the one that used to be on Des O'Connor Tonight'
Monty - 'Right, you're Des O'Connor, I'll be Freddie Starr. I'll roll about on the sofa and keep falling off while making fart noises, while you pretend to find me hilarious'..

06/07/2023

Took these six out this morning. Monty, Emmy, Esme, Islay, Pappy, and Louis. As we went under the bridge Louis started singing Under The Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Then the others joined in, and they all sat round in a circle, singing it a capella. Then suddenly Monty and Louis ripped my boots off, pulled the socks off my feet, put them over their wi***es, and said 'look, now we really are the Red Hot Chili Peppers', and all the girls rolled about on the floor laughing

21/06/2023

I walked these 4 very excited pups this morning, and afterwards had to drop them at the train station, coz they're off to Glastonbury..

Me - Have a great time, stick together, and stay safe
Esme - it's ok, we're gonna be glamping
Pappy - I can't wait to see Lewis Capaldi and Jessie J
Esme - He's over 50, he won't have heard of them
Louis - Anyone got any Rizlas, I'm dying to skin up
Esme - Shut up Louis, you don't even know what it means
Scamp - I wanna see The Velvet Underground
Esme - Ooh, hark at Scamp
Pappy - Is Linda Ronstadt playing? Or Tanita Tikaram?
Louis - I wanna get off my head
Esme - You're a waste of space
Pappy - I'm gonna get a CND sign shaved onto my back
Louis - I need some shrooms
Scamp - I'm gonna see Blur and Super Furry Animals
Esme - that's what we are...SUPER FURRY ANIMALS!!

16/06/2023

Here's a photo of Archie, earlier today, on a shady walk, with a collapsible dog water bowl on his head..

08/06/2023

On this morning's walk I took Emmy, Bella, Louis, Esme, and Pappy to the wild plains of Kenya for their dog walk, and as you can see they absolutely loved it. We flew business class, from Gatwick Airport. 'This is the life', said Louis to a rather bemused Richard Branson, and then he knocked back his gin and tonic, undid his seatbelt, and started hu***ng the leg of one of the air-stewardesses

Note - Pappy's just out of shot, sinking her teeth into a zebra..

07/06/2023

Here's Bella, Louis, Esme, Lottie, and Scamp, earlier this morning. Straight after I took this photo they all sat down, tightly packed in behind each other, legs akimbo, arms outstretched, and then they started singing Rock the Boat, then they sang D.I.S.C.O by Ottowan, and then Scamp stood up, faced the others, and started doing the dance to Superman by Black Lace..

06/06/2023

New dog alert!!!! Her name's Lottie, and she's a stunner.

Likes - Beyonce, The Repair Shop, TikTok, Schofield, her blanket.
Dislikes - loud exhausts on cars, Lewis Capaldi, Eamonn Holmes.

After some gentle probing by the other dogs it turns out her surname's Berk, and she's the Lottie Berk who runs the Lottie Berk OAP Exercise Studio in East Grinstead. She said 'it's such a relief to be out with you lot, instead of stuck in a room full of ghastly flatulant geriatric humans in leotards'

31/05/2023

Today Mikey ran into a field full of buttercups and wouldn't leave till we'd tested every single one under his chin to see if he likes butter. He wanted conclusive proof. The results were 93,476 for and 68,441 against. So yes, Mikey likes butter 🙄

25/05/2023

It was Esme's 4th birthday today, but she was a bit upset. It turns out she's a huge Tina Turner fan. Anyway, eventually we managed to cheer her up. Louis and Monty sang You're Simply The Best to her. Then Pappy and Emmy sang Dog Treat City Limits. Then suddenly Esme threw off her wig, ripped off her sparkly mini-dress, jumped up on the bench, and started strutting about, singing 'Rolling, rolling, rolling in some fox s**t..', and we all cheered

23/05/2023

Here's a photo of 5 dogs being walked simultaneously, both professionally and skillfully, by a dogwalker at the top of his game. Their leads all safely gripped by a single hand, a hand connected to a very manly, tanned, hairy, strong arm. Yes, that was me, with the Tuesday morning gang, just before they all started circling me, slowly wrapping my body up in extendable lead, like an obese fly being wrapped in silk by 5 hungry spiders..

16/05/2023

Took these 5 out this morning. Mikey, Louis, Monty, Esme, and Pappy. A small elite group of canine mercenaries, collectively they've called themselves The Dogs of War. Fugitives from justice. Wanted dead or alive in 46 countries for crimes they didn't commit..

Mikey - Ex-SAS. A trained killer, and a ladies man, who can bark in 14 different languages

Louis - A cigar-chomping casanova, expelled from the army for destroying tennis balls

Monty - Oxford educated. A deadly assassin. Ex Formula One world champion and Crufts winner 16 years running

Esme - A beautiful master of disguise. An ex-KGB agent, who can smell a dog treat within half a mile.

Pappy - Married 8 times and widowed 8 times. Nicknamed The White Widow. Black belt in Kung Fu. She can crush a dogwalker between her thighs..

10/05/2023

The dogs were all a bit Eurovision bonkers today, and Scamp, Esme, Louis and Pappy wanted to do their own personal homage to Bucks Fizz's Making Your Mind Up....but sadly Pappy was too fat to climb up the skateboard ramp.
Anyway, here's Scamp as Mike Nolan, Esme as Cheryl Baker, and Louis As Bobby Gee, just before they got to the 'but if you wanna see some more' line, and whipped off Esme's harness..

03/05/2023

Here's Pappy and Mikey after a romantic moment earlier today. Pappy laid on her back, looking all sultry on a bed of bluebells, then she started singing 'only the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate, tastes like chocolate never tasted before', and then she slowly put her mouth round a Cadbury's Flake. Poor Mikey, he stood there open-mouthed, held up a thermometer which shot all the way up to the top before exploding, and then he started howling in a Sid James voice, before jumped in the river to cool himself down..

30/03/2023

One of my customers gave me a couple of easter eggs this morning. What a lovely, kind, generous, thing to do. I'm not saying the owners of all my other dogs have to follow suit, although with just over a week to go there are still plenty of them in the shops. I just thought it was a nice thing to do, and it brightened my morning. Some people are just born with a golden heart. Partially disabled, and has to use a Stannah stair-lift, yet she still went the extra mile to put a smile on my face, because she's a good person, and a valued and much loved customer.

Here's Pappy guarding them for me..

16/03/2023

New dog alert. Well, it's been a few weeks. He's called Finn. He's a beauty, but only a once a weeker, so it's always a bit emotional when I walk through the door, and today he looked at me with tears in his eyes and started singing this...

It's been 7 walks and 15 treats
Since you took your walks away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your walks away
Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see any dogwalker I choose

I can eat my dog food in a fancy restaurant
But nothing, I said nothing can take away these blues
Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to youuuu

I went to the vet and guess what he told me,
Guess what he told me.
He said 'dog, you better try to have fun,
no matter what you do', but he's a fool

Cause no walker compares, no walker compares to youuu...

06/03/2023

'Ah, the joy of six' I said aloud, proudly, as my morning brood of six dogs were all happily weeing, sniffing, barking and pooing..

'The joy of s*x, more like', said Pappy.

And then they all burst into fits of giggles.

Then an excited Monty jumped up onto the tree trunk and shouted 'SE###XX', and they all started rolling about on the floor, laughing, and going bonkers

And then Louis found a black felt tip and started drawing beards on us all. 'Look, now we all look like The Joy of S*x man', he screamed..

Address

East Grinstead
RH192

Telephone

+447969721293

Website

facebook.com

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Walkies - Dog walking service in East Grinstead posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.