16/07/2021
😂 HOW TO BECOME THE PERFECT DOG TRAINER! 🤣
Seeing some training colleagues are having a rough time at the mo, so decided to take the p**s out of us all. Nothing personal, every trainer or behaviourist reading I'm sure will be guilty of many of these, but hopefully they have enough of a sense of humour to cushion the blow 😂
1. To be a proper dog trainer, you must, own multiple fleeces. Preferably with wolf embroidery. You see, even a first class honours degree in advanced canine behaviour, does not equip one with the knowledge, expertise and skill required to be a trainer, as remember dog trainng is an art not a science.
2. Oh my god Mildred you plantpot. Everyone knows to be considered a proper trainer you need to have been a PhD research lead at least three Ivy League or Russel Group universities, i mean its seriously unethical to con owners into paying you money for your total ineptness otherwise.
3. Jesus. DOESNT ANYONE KNOW ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE? Unless you have worked at a heavy kill shelter for a decade picking up p**p and dealing with the effects of greeders you cant possibly be qualified to train dogs.
4. Seriously? Unless you have been appointed by a Gold Commander in a major incident to single handedly clear 470 buildings with your Expo dog alone with a high likelyhood of multiple suspicious packages, then you have no business training dogs...
6. What do you mean? Unless you have jumped out of a C-130J Hercules or at the very least a Chinook Helcopter and told you were too overqualified to be in the special forces as a dog handler you can do one, honestly...
7. Oh my god, seriously guys you are missing the point here. Dog training should be more INCLUSIVE!!!! Not everyone as the financial resources or connections to do the above. Get with the times and try our amazing 7 day "Transformation to Lassie" school ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Be ❤️A ❤️Lassie ❤️Trainer ❤️By ❤️Next ❤️Week
8. You seriously think you can be a trainer in A WEEK???!!! HOW IRRESPONSIBLE!!!! SHAME ON YOU!!! Really you should do our 8 day INTENSIVE, HARD, THE BEST, 8 DAYS TO BE THE WORLDS BEST DOG TRAINER PROGRAM. YOU EVEN GET A FREE PEN. (From a potential student who has been promised a 90% discount if they can get 10 wet behind the ears colleagues to copy and paste a status)
9. Oh my god. How dare you sell canine multi level marketing schemes to young and often vulnerable wanabee dog trainers, disgusting behaviour....later that night signs up for 80000 emails a day from the inventors of The Lassie Pill.
10. Seriously get down from your high horses, do any of you have actual boots on the ground experience and have had a good relationship for years with someone that is an internationally renowned trainer that has literally VOLUNTEERED to mentor you for 5 years before you even THINK sbout helping to MOP THE FLOORS at class???!!!!
11. Stop being elitest k***s all of you!! Everyone knows you can become a Just Add Water (JAW) trainer AND GET A MATCHING MANKINI
12. OH YOU LOT ARE RIDICULOUS!! I've had labradors for 30 years I'm clearly the most common sense option instead of you green trainers...
13. Oh here we go, that one yet again... I've had a cervix for 30 years, do you trust me to do your next smear test?!?!?!?
14. Wow, you are all over over complicating things so much, i watched a tv dog program once so im practically a dog trainer..
15. Do any of you even know what BOOKS are?
16. Pah! All you need is to make sure you dog can do manwork, then you are instantly a gold standard trainer. You must wear all black and magnum boots though for this to count.
17. Are you serious? Field trials show the best of the best, none of this hyped up squeaky voice nonsense. My dogs complete a whole retrieve sequence on a single eye blink.
18. Meh, andrex puppies are so EASY. To be a proper trainer and really proove yourself you need to go out and get yourself a mali.
19. Oh my goddddddd seriously how many power breeds do you even need....overcompensation much?!!!
20. Man, you need to stop being so judgemental and keep your head down and just show me your dog..
21. More like you dont want to seem that person and stand up against shock and prong collars and be accused of single handedly splitting the community
22. Seriously im just oblivious training my dog in my own world i dont do drama
23. OH MY GOD EVERYONE HAVE YOU SEEN THAT T**T ON TELLY
24. Why do people only care about televised dog abuse?!!!!
25. Oh my god everyone, kicking dogs is their livelhood, think about how you would feel?????
26. The tumbleweed is embarrassing surrounding the lack of willingness to call out abusive tools and methods, its more of a competition in who can virtue signal the most from their highest horse
27. Some people just want drama 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
28. OMG IM LEAVING SOCIAL MEDIA DOG TRAINERS ARE HORRIBLE
29.
30. Seriously real dog trainers are never on facebook, they are out trainng dogs
31. Yep, of course😂 ill stop doing remote voluntary zoom trainng for free then
32. OMG I CANT BELIEVE YOU WORK FOR FREE!!!!! PEOPLE LIKE YOU GROSSLY UNDERVALUE OUR PROFESSION!!!!
33. OH MY DOG who does she think she is - she charges (insert reasonable figure here) - young dog trainers nowadays are SO full of themselves, in my day i worked 100 hours a week for 10p.
34. Dog trainers seriously undervalue themselves, you need to charge more!!!!
35. You call yourself a trainer? Can you EVEN get a 3hr down stay at the carnival??
36. Stays are so 1990 . I dont even teach sit.
37. No one is as good a trainer as me, I know all the words: classical conditioning, operant conditioning, observational learning, Pavlov, Skinner, Bandura, quadrants. If your clients understand what you're talking about you've failed.
38. F*cking hell you dont need to of eaten a dictionary to train dogs, your clients don't care about the above, just results 🤣
39. ... and for f**ksake you must declare at least once a week that a generally accepted belief is no longer "a thing"
40. Oh my god desperate timeline engagement bait *falls into trap anyhow*
41. Shouts from rooftops that If you exercise your dog in weather over 12 degrees C you are officially The Worst Owner In The World
42. A week later posts a photo at a competition in direct sunlight with no sign of any cooling mat, portable powerbank powered dyson fan, paddling pool, evian iced water, doggy ice cream, named butler to follow dog throughout their round to fan them continuelly, absence of any surface testing or hiring a personal vet on call to monitor their vital signs constantly, personal marquee that covers the entire ring, pop up tent and fabric crate for between exercises and other things allegedly that make it ok to work your dog in 45 degree heat
Feel free to add your own, ill copy and paste the best 😂😂😂😂
A supportive, fun, modern dog training school for dog owners in Royal Leamington Spa and surrounding
