25/11/2025
Nobody will ever fully understand what my dogs mean to me. No matter what trolls or bitter people say, I live for my dogs. If you don’t know what you live for, you haven’t really lived.
My video of Gulcan and Cash in the water brought hate, and a few people in the dog world have spread nasty things about me online. I don’t care. When I’m not with my dogs, I scroll through my backups, looking at photos and videos of them, past and present. I do this every day. I don’t watch TV or scroll social media. I watch my dogs. I’ve taken over 11,000 photos in five years. There are only a handful of photos of me with them, and most of those are rubbish.
I film everything so I can look back at their lives and our time together. Sometimes I feel I record so much that I forget to live in the moment, but I do it because I never want to forget anything we’ve shared.
When I see their pictures and videos, I tear up thinking they’ll be gone one day. Then I catch a rare photo of me smiling with them and realise the sadness comes from how much joy they give me. Even the stressful days, even the days I was ill, I know I’ll miss one day.
When I had sepsis, Loki came to see me. I was taken to the entrance of Hull Royal and broke down when I saw him. He was thrilled to see me and it had only been a few days. That moment dragged me back when I’d started to accept dying. Knowing I had to get better for my dogs kicked me into fighting on.
Last week I heard that a dog I sold had died. I cried for two days. He annoyed the life out of me at times, but I’d give anything to be annoyed by him again.
People judge so fast without ever trying to understand someone. Some of you know me well, but my dogs know me best. They are my peace. I’ve given everything for them and would do it again. Any sacrifice: relationships, friendships, all of it. They give the world what I can’t.
Maybe I’m oversharing, maybe not. But if dogs can save me, they can save you. I owe them everything, so I give them everything I can.
Enjoy your day. Enjoy your dogs. One day they won’t be here, or you won’t be.
Memento mori.
