07/12/2024
I apologise to everyone getting stuck on this post π
it's a long hopeless one
I just came across this picture that made me a bit emotional
This is a bunch of very special ponies that I had the pleasure to ride and work with for many months and I am today massively grateful for making me a better horsewoman
From left to right we have Arthur (rising 6yo) that unfortunately has recently left us, Rumi (rising 8yo) retired from ridden work, Alan (rising 5yo) also retired from ridden work and Conner (rising 5yo) the only one still ridden that is being just brilliant in his new home
The three boys on the left are gorgeous looking young geldings that I like to think are just as grateful to have met me as I am to have had them crossing my path
They are everything that everyone out there seem to be looking for at the moment: athletic, overheights, beautiful fully registered Connemaras, well bred with gorgeous expressive faces, good jumpers, good movers
They all have been broken in and started by professionals that redeemed them sound and healthy and perfectly suitable to tackle anything a competition pony would have in the future, just a bit "green" or "sensitive" or with some sort of minor quirks
All these people couldn't have been more wrong even though the ponies showed some clear signs all along and then have finally (a lot later) been discovered to carry such critical injuries that wouldn't allow them to have any sort of ridden future and in Arthur's case not any future at all
I have been very upset and frustrated and angry for every single one of them over and over again and having them all "going wrong" in my hands. I was distraught by a feeling of guilt and disappointment that made me brooding and doubting of my future in the industry, that maybe I have some sort of "bad luck" following me that was trying to tell me this is not the job for me, maybe I wasn't emotionally "though enough" for this role and sometimes, even now I still have those feelings of nonconformity with any other producers and sellers. I don't know how other professionals would take similar situations, maybe I was too sensitive or too easily attached to these animals that take up so much of my time, my health and my life.
I remember taking and looking at this picture back then, when everything as we imagined for these ponies was going wrong and I remember thinking that everything for myself was going wrong too together with them until the pressure of the routine and continuity of the job distracted me and made me carry on taking care of the other 20+ horses we had at the time
Until today, when I bumped into this picture again after being detached from those feelings for a long time and all of a sudden a fresh, newfound point of view has hit me:
I have always been gifted (or cursed) to be able to see and to "feel" what I ride more than most rider that I came across in my not so long career with horses can, I wouldn't call it "a special connection" or a "gift" because I hate being the voodoo, daughter of nature type of person. My logical brain and I like to think my own self as some sort of pragmatic translator of the horses, maybe my analytical and increadibly critical brain and my exhaustedly trained hand/eye to brain connection and seek of knowing more are the real key of this incredibly subjective feeling of right or wrong that each horse gives me when under saddle.
I have learnt the difference between "a weak baby" and "an odd baby", a "stiff untrained horse that doesn't know how to bend" and something that mechanically can't bend, some learnt behaviours and a sign of discomfort. I weirdly get a migraine when riding horses with poll/neck head injuries and tensions and a bad belly by working with something with ulcers or GIT issues (I know!! Freaky and still yet to be explained!!) and I have trained that sensitivity to the problem so much that I would just tell what I think it's wrong and (at least the last few years) 100% of the times my thoughts have been confirmed by veterinary investigations.
So the same happened with the three boys and now I know why I met them, why they met me.
They needed me, they needed us, my fantastic team of professionals behind the scenes as well as their wonderful, understanding owners that have followed my gut feeling and my desire to find out more even if (especially in the case of Rumi) they have been previously investigated and assessed by vets, physiotherapists, chiropractors and other professional riders too (with Rumi making himself quite famous with millions of viewers on Facebook π) with nothing apparently wrong or clinically significant found
They needed us to save them from a future of misunderstanding and selfish people that would have sold them on over and over again, calling them names and punishing their so called bad behaviours by forcing them and oppressing them to do a job that they couldn't mechanically and physically do
They needed us to find peace with the human kind, learn to like us and enjoy our company because nothing at all out of their capabilities was asked of them anymore, they only needed to be present and to enjoy being a horse and all of a sudden we had this bunch of happy, relaxed, enjoyable and increadibly polite young horses, just like in the picture
And I needed the wonderful 3 boys
I needed these boys so I could learn to speak up when I felt there is something not right and to stand my ground and believe into my skills and experience even if with no proven scientific backup (yes I have a pony patting degree but you know what I mean!!) and even when other professionals are saying different
I needed these boys so I could find and surround myself with professionals that "can see" like I do, "can feel" and "can love" the horses the way I do
I needed these boys so I could learn even more how to listen first and train after, to put the horse FIRST and the sport after, to put their brain and their feelings and their body language, even if minimal first and our needs and expectations after
Despite all the tears the boys and many others have brought me, I wouldn't think twice on taking on a sensitive Connemara, a bucking warmblood, a rearing thoroughbred, a bargeing draught, a petrified Welsh over and over again
I wouldn't think twice on helping another animal trying to express something instead of falling into a loop of learnt, defensive behaviours and feeling of pain and discomfort
I wouldn't think twice on giving a wonderful soul all the time and perseverance needed to see if they could happily give this ridden life a go or if it would be too much of an ask for their body
I might never be rich or might never make it around Badminton or the Olympics but I will be proud of every single one of this journeys with each one of these special clever animals
Lots of love and thoughts go to my three boys tonight, Alan and Rumi are happily keeping company to other horses, beautiful Arthur is overlooking us all and playing with every broomstick he can find up there and Conner, not even 5yo yet is helping a soon to be 60 yo incredible lady get her confidence back after a seriously scary fall from a previous pony that led to a nasty injury