25/03/2024
Out of the mouths of babes...
A few years ago, a lovely news article was published. A six-year-old called Shane was said to have given the most lovely explanation for the lifespan of our pets. Talking about Belker, his family's ailing 10-year-old Irish wolfhound, he said:
"People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life - like loving everyone and being nice, right? Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay for as long as we do".
A direct quote from Shane, or polished for publication? Either way, I certainly can't argue with the sentiment.
Often, when we choose to bring a pet into our family, it is with the knowledge that we will almost certainly outlive it. And every animal is uniquely special, an irreplaceable part of our emotional landscape that we simply can't imagine our lives without.
Pets see us through every stage of our lives, acting as our rock through troubled times and sharing our happiness with unbridled joy. We spend so much time in their presence - and they in ours - that only we understand their quirky habits, and in turn, they can read our moods better than we can ourselves.
So when we lose them, no matter their age or ours, it's more than the passing of 'just' a pet. Frankly, we lose a part of ourselves, a piece of the landscape of our lives, and this grief is hard to put into words, if not impossible to explain. And what makes it all so much worse is that it can often feel like no one else understands...
While there is no direct path through the process of loss, there are some commonalities. For example, if you've lost your pet due to trauma or acute illness, guilt can be a primary emotion. What could you have done differently? Did you miss a sign? Was this your fault? Close behind that guilt is anger; you feel cheated of the time you should have had together and determined to avoid this pain in the future by deciding not to open your heart again.
Alternatively, you may jump straight into bringing a new pet home, and for some, that impulsive act is exactly what they need to heal. But no pet can ever replace the one you lost, so it's usually recommended that you give yourself time to honour your memories before welcoming a new companion into your life.
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to grieve; it's a very personal emotion, and when it's particularly raw, it's often natural to feel stuck and unable to move forward. At times like these, it's important to remember that there is help if you need it. You'll find a number of pet loss support services that offer an empathetic ear and a great deal of understanding on our website: https://www.pawsatpeaceeastmidlands.co.uk/grief-support-services
No matter how acute your pain may be, take solace in the fact that it's there because of love. I still think I hear the pitter-patter of Frankie's claws on the floor as I open a door, catching her out of the corner of my eye. Or I find myself checking for her when I'm walking our old morning route, patting my pockets for poo bags and treats.
For me, the grief comes in waves, but each swell is gradually a little less overwhelming; it hasn't gone away, but I have got better at coping with it. Tears? Oh yes. But now I'm able to take a moment, then quietly thank her for choosing me and for coming back every so often to remind me of our everlasting bond.
And every grieving pet owner has a story like mine. In the words of Irving Berlin, "The song is ended but the melody lingers on."
Ref: https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/family/boy-six-leaves-vet-tears-28260607
