
30/06/2025
Things to do instead of walking your puppy
Find a comparison website for sun cream. Splurge on a range of different factors, and report back on which one is the least likely to leave you looking like a kebab in the doner shop window.
Stuff a Kong with your puppy's wet food and chill it in the fridge, or freeze it. Supervise when they're attacking it to get the food out.
Eat ice cubes directly from the tray and refill it with gin.
Do the touch test. Stroke your puppy (not when they're sleeping!) for 3 seconds and stop. Do they still want your hot hands on their hot fur, or do they want you to go away?
Eat cheese directly from the block. Take large bites and then palate cleanse with a Granny Smith apple.
If you're worried your puppy will chew a cooling mat and lick the poison out of it, soak a towel in cool water instead. Don't leave your puppy lying on a crispy towel.
Watch a documentary about life in Antarctica. For maximum effect, watch whilst wearing a puffer jacket, with your extremities submerged in ice cold water.
Get ready to complain about it being too cold / too grey / too windy / too rainy.
Don't freak out if your puppy eats a bit less than normal. Equally, don't try and fill the portion gap with rich treats, unless you like cleaning up warm diarrhoea.
Buy a fan and keep the receipt. Its set to get cooler next week.*
P.S. I've only got 2 spaces left for private puppy training in July. If you want one, or think you might want one, I'm afraid you'll have to tell me. Email me to [email protected]
📷 Meersbrook Park yesterday. No doggies. Too chuffin hot.
*I have no idea if this is true.
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