14/11/2025
A great article
The 10:10 Scale in Dog Training – Finding the Sweet Spot Between Love and Leadership
If there’s one conversation I have with dog owners more than any other, it’s the delicate business of balancing affection with leadership. People often imagine this balance as a mystical art, mastered only by monks on mountaintops or professional trainers with pockets full of sausages. But in reality, it’s far simpler and far more important, than most realise.
Enter the 10:10 Scale: a straightforward way to help owners understand where they sit between love and affection on one side, and leadership and discipline on the other. When these two pillars aren’t aligned, the wheels tend to fall off rather quickly. When they are aligned, life becomes significantly easier for both ends of the lead.
Let’s break it down.
Understanding the 10:10 Scale
Picture a scale split down the middle:
• On one axis: Love and affection, the cuddles, the fussing, the “who’s a good boy?” voice you swear you never use in public.
• On the other axis: Leadership and discipline, the structure, clarity, and boundaries that keep your dog’s world predictable and secure.
Both are essential. But when one dramatically outweighs the other, especially in households bursting with affection but running short on boundaries, problems begin to bubble up. And they don’t bubble quietly.
Imagine this: your affection sits at a healthy 6. Lovely. But your leadership rests at 4. Suddenly you’re living with a dog who believes sofa access, door charging, and selective hearing are constitutional rights. And who can blame them? Without structure, dogs will often try to create their own. Spoiler: you won’t enjoy their version.
Balance or Bias? Why Equal Isn’t Always Ideal
A lot of people assume that if love and leadership both sit at a 6, everything is beautifully balanced. Nice idea, but not quite right.
As a trainer, I recommend a slight tilt towards leadership:
If your affection is at a 6, your leadership should be at an 8.
Why? Because dogs aren’t simply furry ornaments or four-legged houseguests, they are social animals with built-in expectations of structure. Pack animals operate best when someone calm, confident, and consistent is steering the ship. In your home, you’re the ship’s captain. If you don’t step up, your dog might try to… and they’re notoriously unqualified for the job.
A dog without guidance is like a toddler with a chainsaw: well-meaning, enthusiastic, and potentially catastrophic.
What Leadership Actually Means (and What It Doesn’t)
Let’s tackle a common misunderstanding head-on: Leadership is not domination.
It’s not about heavy-handed rules, raised voices, or trying to “out-alpha” your dog like you’ve watched too many outdated television programmes.
True leadership is:
• Calm
• Predictable
• Fair
• Consistent
It’s creating a world your dog understands.
Examples of Leadership in Everyday Life
• Clear boundaries:
If you don’t want them on the sofa, it’s “no sofa” every day, not “sometimes sofa” because they look cute or you’re cold.
• Structured walks:
Loose lead, following your direction. Not skiing lessons. Not the dog deciding the route.
• Impulse control:
Waiting at doors, sitting before food, learning to pause rather than launch into chaos like a furry rocket.
Leadership is simply you being someone your dog trusts to make the right decisions.
Why Leadership Deepens the Bond
Many owners worry that increasing structure will weaken the relationship.
The truth? It does the exact opposite.
Dogs relax when they know someone competent is in charge. When you provide structure:
• Anxiety drops
• Reactivity decreases
• Obedience improves
• Trust grows
• The bond strengthens
When affection outweighs leadership, dogs often become confused or even stressed. They start filling the leadership gap themselves, which usually leads to chaos, frustration, and a few chewed shoes.
Think of it like giving a teenager full control of the household budget. They’ll love you for five minutes… then everything burns.
Affection Still Matters (But It Needs Boundaries)
Affection is vital. It builds trust, reminds your dog they’re loved, and strengthens your emotional connection. But it needs to be given in the right context.
Affection at the wrong time, while whining, jumping, demanding, barging, or being generally feral, reinforces the behaviour you’re trying to stop.
Love is essential. But love without boundaries creates a dog who’s confused, overstimulated, or acting like they’ve had 12 espressos.
Common Myths and Misunderstandings
“If I’m stricter, my dog won’t love me.”
Nonsense. Dogs don’t love us because we’re soft, they love us because we’re theirs. Leadership simply makes that love safer and more secure.
“I don’t want to be the bad guy.”
Setting boundaries isn’t ‘being the bad guy’. It’s called parenting. Whether the child is human or canine, chaos thrives where leadership doesn’t.
Conclusion: Aim for a 10:8 Relationship
Take a moment and ask yourself honestly:
Where is your affection on the scale?
Where is your leadership?
If affection is 6, leadership should be 8.
If affection is 7, leadership should be 9.
Not equal.
Not reversed.
Just a gentle, intentional tilt toward structure.
Your dog will thank you for it, not with words, of course, but with calmer behaviour, better choices, fewer meltdowns, and a far deeper sense of trust.
Because dogs don’t need perfection.
They need reassurance, clarity, and someone who leads with calm confidence… and still gives out the occasional belly rub.
That’s the magic of the 10:10 Scale.
And once you nail it, your relationship becomes smoother, richer, and far more enjoyable for both of you.
www.k9manhuntscotland.co.uk
