18/01/2024
Who am I fighting for?
We all hope that our pets will pass peacefully in their sleep of old age but sadly, in reality, that rarely happens.
Sometimes, we are faced with an agonising decision, but when you start to consider who you are fighting for, that decision becomes a little easier:
"Am I fighting and trying for HIM to have more time? Or am I fighting so I can have more time WITH him?"
I wrote this a year ago today while I was agonizing over Ben and his deteriorating condition. It still rings true and it’s so important to discuss. Miss you sweet boy.
Can we talk about something we don’t like to talk about?
Can we talk about suffering?
To suffer, is to be subjected to something unpleasant or painful. This can be physical or mental or both. It’s also enduring it for a continuous amount of time.
Suffering is what I want to avoid the most with my dogs, specifically my old dogs, but any animal really. And I want you to understand this perspective because it may help you one day making decisions with your dog. I’m going to use Ben as an example here because his case is at the forefront of my mind right now.
An elderly animal with a chronic medical condition that causes pain or discomfort regularly is suffering in my opinion. When faced with this, my intent immediately is to offer relief from that suffering. For many animals, this can simply be a different pain medication, a change in environment (no stairs) a switch of diet, etc. Anything that offers relief from that suffering will then be continued until the condition increases past those interventions and we need to try something else etc.
However, when the intervention poses a risk of further suffering (in a different way) then a balancing act begins. If in order to relieve one part of suffering you are then creating another, you have to stop and consider the reasoning behind this compromise and whether or not it is fair for the animal, and who is it actually helping?
Ben is 12 years old. He’s got chronic skin and stomach issues, likely from years of untreated allergies and neglect. He’s on a special diet for his gut, medication for his allergies, pain medication for his arthritis and supplements for his joints and muscles. He has autoimmune issues that cause his skin to have sores on them that get infected - on his nose lips ge****ls and feet, and antibiotics help curb the infection and inflammation but can’t provide long term relief. He doesn’t want to walk or move much because of the pain.
The steriods to curb the autoimmune issues causes him to have worsening gut issues, increased thirst, panting, pacing and discomfort. Since starting them he’s much more miserable than he was without them, although time will tell what it does for the immune issues. Then the other medications we can try are just as vicious to the insides, trust me, I know, I’ve been there.
When I get into these types of situations, I have to ask myself honestly what, or better yet WHO, am I fighting for?
Am I fighting and trying for HIM to have more time? Or am I fighting so I can have more time WITH him? And if time is what I want what should that time look like? If it is not free from suffering because of the interventions necessary, and that will then need further intervention, etc, what exactly am I doing? Whose suffering am I relieving? Mine? Because I don’t want to lose him? What is his joy? What is his relief?
All kinds of things then come into play. If Ben was 6/7 years old and had more stamina to endure some discomfort but still find joy, it’s an easier choice. But 12 for a large shepherd is already a pretty good run, do I want the last few months of his life to be filled with desperately trying to keep the dam from collapsing? Constantly pushing meds in him to help stop one side effect and then more for that side effect? I’ve done that before, and I know where it ends. What joy is he going to have moving forward with each plan? it’s not easy. These are conversations I have in my mind all the time.
Being alive is not enough. Suffering is unacceptable to me, and I know how easy it can be to choose not to see it simply because seeing it sometimes means WE suffer instead. If we lose Ben, his suffering will cease, but mine won’t, it will be agony for me. BUT thats the responsibility I have and what I have dedicated my life to. I know how so many people get so attached to some of the dogs I have here, but I will never make decisions based on their popularity or likes, I make it based on what the animal deserves and what I would want for myself too. I will take the suffering if it means easing theirs.
