05/12/2025
😂😂😂😂
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17qTezSaRJ/
Hahahaha The force free cult did a great job doing an Ai of me, I think I struck a force free nerve. 😂
Anyway here’s another Satire comedy that should offend the woke leftie cons.
(If you’re easily offended, please step away from the screen. Your aura isn’t strong enough for this.)
Let’s talk about the difference between a balanced trainer…
…and a force-free, treat-sprinkling, jargon-spewing behaviour influencer who charges PhD prices for kindergarten results.
🟢 THE BALANCED TRAINER: GET IN, FIX DOG, GET OUT
You walk in with a dog problem?
Balanced trainer takes one look like:
“Mate, that’s nothing. Hold my leash.”
Ten minutes later your dog is walking right at your side with a big smile and tail waging.
No candles.
No crystals.
No “connection circle.”
No spiritual nonsense pulled from the depths of Instagram Reels.
Just:
Problem → Correction → Result.
All before a force-free trainer finishes their opening monologue about “canine emotional journeys.”
🔵 MEANWHILE, IN FORCE-FREE FAIRYLAND…
You say, “My dog pulls on walks.”
Oh dear. Oh… oh my. This is advanced behavioural dysregulation combined with environmental overstimulation and possible ancestral trauma.
The force-free trainer then gives you a 30 minute indoctrination into force free training and why it’s the only way to fix your dog. Just like “My God is real and all the others are false” Talking about Zak George.
Suddenly you’re being handed diagrams, printouts, flowcharts, and a binder thicker than a legal case file.
They diagnose your dog with:
• Emotional dysregulation
• Autonomy suppression
• Energetic imbalance
• Past-life trauma
• Lack of self-actualisation
All because he likes sniffing bushes.
🔥 THE FORCE-FREE TRAINING PLAN — AKA YOUR NEW LIFE SENTENCE
The “plan” you receive is so long and complicated it comes with its own force free video subscription for only $199. What a bargain.
Included in your 12-month forced enrolment:
• Weekly Zoom sessions
• Weekly in-person sessions
• A daily treat quota
• A prayer scroll to the God of Positive Reinforcement
• Homework pages requiring a PhD in creative writing
• An emotional journal for your dog
• Mandatory “trust-building exercises” involving eye contact and deep breathing
• No corrections
• No raising your voice
• No “influencing behaviour”
• Basically: you’re a hostage in your own house
And of coarse no e-collars, pinch collars, choker chains, collars and a heap of other banned dog management items.
You’re not training a dog.
You’re performing a long-term social experiment run by people who think consequences are offensive.
💀 THE EQUIPMENT LIST FROM HELL
Force-free trainer:
“You’ll need a harness specifically designed to reduce physical and emotional pressure.”
Translation:
A $600 contraption engineered by NASA bought from China for only $3 that won’t control the dog but WILL empty your savings.
Then they hand you:
• Clickers (plural)
• Long lines
• Short lines
• Lines that only exist to justify the invoice
• Treat pouches the size of camping backpacks
Your dog now needs more gear than a tactical SWAT officer, yet still pulls like a tractor.
🤡 THE RULES: WHERE COMMON SENSE GOES TO DIE
You are not allowed to:
• Say “no”
• Touch the leash without permission
• Interrupt unwanted behaviour
• Walk on concrete
• Expect obedience
• Use leadership
• Use structure
• Use logic
• Use anything that works
You are allowed to:
• Clap softly
• Whisper encouragement
• Beg for cooperation
• Cry into a gratitude journal
• Write essays about your dog’s “inner truth”
Congratulations — you’ve paid hundreds of dollars to become a full-time butler for a dog that just got excited and sniffed a lot when you went for a walk
💳 THE BILL: A FINANCIAL CRIME
$300 per session × 12 months.
Total cost:
More than your first car.
More than your last holiday.
More than your dignity should ever allow.
And what do you get?
The same dog…
plus emotional baggage.
🟣 CONCLUSION: CHOOSE WISELY
Balanced Trainer:
Fixes your dog in as little as one session.
Doesn’t waste your time.
Doesn’t drain your bank account.
Doesn’t make you journal your dog’s chakras.
Explains facts and training and shows results.
Force-Free cult Trainer:
Traps you in a cult.
Hands you a novel-length training plan.
Treats your dog like a delicate 14th-century vase.
Treats you like you’re the problem.
Charges like a private surgeon.
Leaves your dog exactly the same — or worse.
If you want results, go balanced.
If you want to join a financial, emotional, and spiritual hostage situation…
Force-free is waiting.
Namaste and no refunds.
