06/08/2021
I thought it might be a good time to repost about puppy buyer etiquette. It seems to have flown out the window again! There are very high volumes of enquiries at present. It seems that for every polite, considerate, well researched person who approaches me in an appropriate manner there are five who do not! Manners & common sense appear to be dead. I'm a little appalled at the degree of disrespect. There are so many "shopping" for the "best price", "best colour" & it's all about "ME, ME, ME"! These people have it all wrong. They should be looking for the best breeder, the best health, the best raised puppies & the best lifelong education & support. They should be commencing a relationship with the breeder ...... not treating them like a deli attendant (not that they should be treated poorly). It's like some people are trying to decide what meat to have on their sandwich or which handbag to purchase, not which puppy they will love & cherish.
The Etiquette of Finding the Perfect Puppy.
It seems that there’s a lot of confusion about the whole “proper” way to go about approaching a breeder for a puppy. There are far more families looking for puppies than there are puppies available. Don’t adopt the mindset that you are doing a breeder a favour by taking a puppy off their hands!!!! This is, in fact, very far from the truth and I encounter it every week. Those days are long gone. When there are so many wonderful people looking for the perfect pup to join their family, it’s not likely those looking for a back-yard ornament or fashion accessory will succeed.
Here are some factors for consideration.
1) STOP LOOKING FOR A PUPPY FOR A SPECIFIC TIME FRAME.
The classic mistake puppy buyers make is saying “I need a Border Collie puppy at the beginning of the summer” (or whatever it may be). So, they go out looking for litters due in October.
BAD IDEA! Puppies are not interchangeable; one is not the same as the others. This is largely because every breeder has their stop-the-presses criteria for breeding or not breeding, and each has preferences for size, personality, health potential, working ability, intervention protocols etc. Breeder X’s “perfect puppy” is not the same as Breeder Y’s.
Stop looking for a puppy. Start looking for a BREEDER. Make a personal connection with a breeder you feel shares your top criteria, and then wait for a puppy from them. Maybe they even have a litter on the ground, which is wonderful (but unlikely any would be available), or maybe they’re not planning anything for a few months. Or maybe they’re not planning anything for a year or so. However, it works out, screen the breeder first, then ask about a puppy. If they have a website, check it carefully. Don’t show the breeder your ignorance or lack of real interest, by clearly having not even read the information on their Homepage! You are looking for a new family member …… not a dishwasher! Breeders are also very busy people and do expect you to have checked out the information they have made readily available for you. It is unreasonable and inappropriate to expect them to pass on your information to other breeders. If you don’t have the time to find a puppy, then you won’t have the time to train and care for a puppy!
EXPECT TO WAIT FOR A PUPPY. It’s VERY rare to wait less than a couple of months. Four to twelve months is normal. Waiting for the right puppy is worth it! Even breeders don’t walk through the field, able to pick puppies like tulips. We ALL have to wait, and sometimes we have to get matched up by the puppies’ breeder.
2) INTRODUCE YOURSELF THOROUGHLY.
DO NOT send a message saying: “Got puppies? How much?” You have plenty of competition who are being polite, well researched and considerate.
The initial e-mail should be several paragraphs long; block out at least an hour of quiet if you will be making a phone call. Some breeders prefer emails and some prefer phone calls. You may need to do both. We have poor mobile phone signal, so I prefer emails.
When you initiate contact, clearly communicate three things:
(a) you are ready for a puppy,
(b) you are ready for a puppy of this breed, and
(c) you understand what sets this breeder apart from the others and you share that commitment.
Specifically describe your plans for this puppy. Be truthful. If you are not going to be able to go to four training classes a year, SAY SO. Don’t say “Of course, training is a huge priority around here,” or you’re going to end up with a puppy who’s flushing your toilet sixty times a day because he’s so bored and you’re not challenging him.
The ideal first contact e-mail usually goes something like:
“Hi, my name is X and I’m writing to inquire about your dogs. I’ve been doing a lot of research on Border Collies and I think they’re the right one for me because of [these four reasons.] I know puppies are a huge commitment, and I am planning to [accommodate that in various ways.] I’m approaching you in particular because of your interest in [whatever,] which is something I feel is very important and plan to encourage in [these three ways.]”
That’s the kind of e-mail that gets a response, and usually pretty quickly. When many breeders get something that says “I hear you have puppies on the way; how much?” it goes in the recycle bin before you can blink. I will respond politely, but the response will not be as encouraging as it would be to a good first contact. (See pic.)
Bring up price either at the end of the first contact (if it’s been successful and you feel a connection to this person) or in a follow-up contact, if it is not available on the breeder’s website. It’s nice to say “If you don’t mind me asking, about how much are Border Collies in this area, if there is a typical price? I just want to be prepared.” The breeder will usually give you two pieces of useful information: Her price, and the median prices around you. That way, if you decide to go a different way, you know about what to expect. If the second person you contact names a price that’s double the median, try to discreetly find out why. A very difficult pregnancy, nationally ranked parents, a surgical AI, C-section resulting in very few live puppies, extensive health testing, the use of effective intervention programs such as Puppy Culture; are some reasons a breeder could be asking more and it’s reasonable. If there’s no real difference from the other breeders except price, think carefully.
DO NOT ASK FOR THE PRICE OF A PUPPY TO BE REDUCED. This undervalues both the breeder and the puppy. It creates an uncomfortable situation, which is nothing short of rude. Remember that breeders are mindful of the fact that if you can’t afford the full price of a puppy you will not be able to afford the ongoing costs of a puppy. A good breeder could never charge enough to cover the hours of love and dedication they give each puppy.
3) BE WILLING TO BE TOLD NO.
Not every person is the right match for every breed. That’s just fact. There is no way on earth I could make our home appropriate for a Bulldog puppy, and I’d have to lie through my teeth to get approved for one. And I have my entire life devoted to keeping dogs happy. I don’t expect you to have anywhere close to the obsession I have, so that means there will be some dogs that are just plain wrong for you. If a breeder says no, ask why. If the answers make sense, don’t keep calling people until you finally get one who will sell you a puppy of that breed. Go back to the drawing board and be very humble and honest with yourself about what kind of dog really would be right for you and your family. It’s in your best interest and that of the puppy.
4) PLEASE DO NOT GO ON MORE THAN ONE WAITING LIST unless you are VERY honest about it.
You need to understand that we think our puppy buyers are just as in love with the puppies as we are. We’re posting pictures, writing up instructions, researching everything from pedigrees to nail grinding, all so we can hand off this puppy, this supreme glorious creature of wonderfulness, with the absolute maximum chance that it will lead a fabulous life with you, and we’ve built all kinds of air castles in our heads about how happy this puppy will be, and what it will do in its life with you, and so on. Finding out that you had your name on six lists shows that you don’t realise that puppies are not packages of lunch meat; where getting one from Woolworths is basically the same as getting one from Coles or Aldi.
Also, as soon as your name is on our waiting list, we’re turning away puppy buyers. If we’ve sent ten people elsewhere because our list is full (or it is unlikely a puppy will be available for a long time), and then suddenly you say “Oh, yeah, I got a puppy from someone else,” it really toasts our bread. So just BE HONEST. If someone came to me and said “I’m on a list with so and so, but she’s pretty sure she won’t have a puppy for me, and I’d love to be considered for one of your dogs and I’ll let you know just as soon as I know,” I’m FINE with that. I understand how this goes. But it is frustrating and rude to have the rug yanked out from under me.
5. PLEASE DO NOT EXPECT TO CHOOSE YOUR PUPPY FROM ALL BREEDERS.
This one drives puppy buyers CRAZY. I know this; trust me. But the fact is that when you go into their house and look at the eight-week-old puppies and one comes up and tugs on your pant leg and you look at them, enraptured, and say “THIS IS IT! He chose ME,” they’ve been looking at people coming into their house all week, and every single time this same puppy has come up and tugged at them and every single one of them have said to them “THIS IS IT!” Or, if the process was repeated in an hour's time, it could be a different puppy!
What you are seeing is not reality. You are seeing the most outgoing puppy, the one that's just had a nap, or you’ve fallen in love with the one that has the most white, or the one that has a different look from the rest of the litter, or the one that’s been (accidentally) featured the most in the pictures the breeder's posted. Or, sometimes, you have a very good instinctive eye and you’re picking the puppy that’s the best put together of the litter. And that puppy, of course, is the breeder’s, and you’re going to have to pry him out of their cold dead hands. 😊
My responsibility is not to make you happy. My responsibility is to the BREED first. My second responsibility is to the PUPPY. Different breeders will use different techniques to place puppies, but they will place each puppy where they feel that it has the best chance of success and the optimal environment to thrive. They may also have very well raised puppies who have been “normalised” and are generally suitable for most kinds of households.
So, while breeders do care, and will try to take your preferences into account, do not expect to go to their home and put your hand in the box and pick whatever puppy you want. And do not expect to be given priority pick because you have the greatest need. Conversely, do not expect that because you came along late you somehow won’t get a good puppy.
Not all breeders allocate puppies, but some do. Even if you do have the opportunity to choose, only one person goes first. ONCE YOU GET YOUR PUPPY, THERE WILL ONLY BE THAT PUPPY IN THE WHOLE WORLD. If you’ve been sitting around with your fingers crossed saying “Please, Molly, please, Molly, I only love Molly,” but you end up with Moe, you’re probably going to feel disappointed to begin with. I guarantee you by the time you’re five minutes out of the driveway Moe will be YOUR puppy. And a year later you may remember that you thought Molly was so pretty, but Moe… well, Moe could practically run the Government she’s so smart, and her face turned out MUCH more beautiful than Molly’s did. And so on.
7) PLEASE FINISH THE ENCOUNTER WITH ONE BREEDER BEFORE BEGINNING ONE WITH ANOTHER.
If you end a conversation with me saying “Well, this just all sounds wonderful, and I’m going to talk it over with my wife and we’ll call you about getting on your waiting list,” and then you hang up and call the next person on your list, that’s not OK. If you don’t feel like you click with me, or you want to keep your options open, a very easy way to say it is to ask for the names and numbers of other breeders I recommend. That way I know we’re not “going steady,” and I won’t pencil you in on my list. If you are on my waiting list, and you decide that you don’t want to be anymore, call me AS SOON AS YOU KNOW and say “Donna, I’m so sorry, but our life has gotten a little crazy and I need to be taken off the puppy list.” And I make sympathetic noises and take you off. If, then, you decide you want to get a different puppy, be my guest. Just keep me apprised and let me close off my commitment to you before you open it with another breeder.
……. Which brings us to something that is super important and most puppy people don’t realize:
8. BREEDERS KNOW OTHER BREEDERS.
Now of course I don’t mean the bad breeders. If you’ve been on my list for three months, I’ve kept in contact with you, I think you’re getting a puppy from me, but when I contact you to say I have a puppy for you you say: “Sorry, I got a puppy from BeautBorders, bye,” my instant reaction isn’t going to be “Oh noes!” My instant reaction is going to be “From Jill?” I probably keep in contact with Jill and I’m probably going to contact Jill in the next sixty seconds and say, “Did you just sell a puppy to Horace Black from Timbucktoo? Did you know that he put himself on my waiting list three months ago and has been saying all along how excited he is?” And two minutes after that she’ll get a call from Anne in South Australia and Anne will say “Did you just sell a puppy to Horace Black from Timbucktoo? He’s been feeding me lines for eight weeks! I had a puppy ready to go to him next week!”
And we will take your name in vain, Horace Black from Timbucktoo. Jill will feel bad that she sold you a puppy, and oh the bad words we will say! And Horace Black from Timbucktoo will be a topic of conversation at the next Get-Together, and t-shirts will be made that say “DON’T BE A HORACE”. Well ……. possibly not ....... but you get the idea!
In the end, “Be excellent to each other”. If you err, err on the side of this being a relationship, not a transaction. Try to act the way you would with a good friend, not with an appliance salesman. Then, the ending will be as happy for you as it is happy for us.
